Is cheating justifiable?

[Zaad]

Hi,

 

Let me start by saying that the following post is NOT a reflection of my personal situation, and if it were the last thing I'd do is share it on this board with you guys

Just something I'd like to see discussed here as this problem *MAY* present itself in the final stages of my (your) marriage.

 

It's known that there's a lot of cheating going on in marriages in general around the world, some are able to recover while others end up in a divorce. Now, I have given this some thought and am not sure what answer to give to the thread's title.

 

It's also known that there's an unstoppable decrease in sexual activities in most 'aged' marriages, only 3 years for myself. People have needs...let's focus on the sex part...(in this case mostly men, generally speaking) and if these needs aren't given on a daily/weekly basis as is/was the case in the earlier stages of marriage, does that make cheating justifiable?

 

Discussing with partner may not always result in a positive outcome for both parties and my guess is that most women won't allow their husband to fuck around.

So if one does, who's to blame? Husband (for cheating)? Wife (for having too many headaches )? Both?

 

Should they get divorced only due to the little sex part despite the fact that they love eachother?

 

Thinking out loud here...your replies and opinions may come in handy in 2020 Thanks!

[Encore]

> It's also known that there's an unstoppable decrease in sexual activities in most 'aged' marriages, only 3 years for myself. People have needs...let's focus on the sex part...(in this case mostly men, generally speaking) and if these needs aren't given on a daily/weekly basis as is/was the case in the earlier stages of marriage, does that make cheating justifiable? <

 

interesting question indeed. I haven't found the answer yet, although I am fiting this category. I do 'cheat', but cannot decide about the 'justifiability of it. I simply endevour to be discreet.

 

>Discussing with partner may not always result in a positive outcome for both parties and my guess is that most women won't allow their husband to fuck around. <

 

Correct!

 

>So if one does, who's to blame? Husband (for cheating)? Wife (for having too many headaches )? Both? <

 

Why blame anybody. it is a function of nature, aging, lessened mutual physical atttraction, male hormones, male genes, lust, frustration, etc.

 

Simplistic? Maybe. Reality? Yes.

 

>Should they get divorced only due to the little sex part despite the fact that they love eachother? <

 

Certainly not if it can be avoided.

 

Ooops, stuck my head over the parapet again, let the arrows fly.

[Zorro]

I don't like the use of the word "cheating" in this situation as it has obvious negative connotations.

By using the word cheating we are expessing a negative opinion on those who choose to have sex outside of their marriage or relationship and any discussion is based on the pretext that this is wrong in the first place.

 

I think that one has to be realistic and accept that people have needs and if they are consistently not being met then the partner should not be surprised or upset if they seek fulfilment elsewhere.

Also in long term relationships it is probably unlikely in many cases that both parties will remain completely faithful and again in theory i don't see anything wrong with this.

I suppose there is a caveat to this in that if the sexual wandering turns into an emotional attachment with another party then the long term relationship will certainly be threatened.

A good healthy relationship should in theory provide regular sex for both parthers but as many know from experience this is not the case in many relationships.

[Nervous_Dog]

I cheat, not a lot, but I cheat, if I can get the wife to join in then she cheats too!

 

JB

[Guest]

I think the word cheating does carry with it a negative connotation. It would be interesting to look up the history and origin of the word cheating.

 

In order to discuss a topic, a definite of the topic - that is the word cheating should be defined so we all are talking about the same thing.

 

I once 'crusaded' for the removal of the word co-habitating from one law book. It got removed. One problem they had with the word was the word was not defined in the code of law. Odd to believe, the police did not know what co-habiting meant.

 

As for cheating - some might say having a cup of coffee with a co-worker of the opposite sex is 'cheating'. Is that 'justifiable"? I would say yes although I know some clergy people who would say no.

[chilli13]

so what does co-habiting mean exactly for us many non native(poor) english speakers? another word for cheating I would assume in this context...

 

how about straying - sounds pretty neutral to me

[MrX]

so where were we?..ah yes

 

at least a single handclap to the man who pointed out that cheating is negative and therefore cannot be justified anyway

but this hardly solves the problem does it?

 

I see it in terms of sustainability and yes I am kind of Zaad's perfect target for this post....

 

If it is done in good faith (good concience is asking too much!) and does not cause pain then it is sustainable

 

But then there is the problem of disclosure........

 

and to answer this question the temptation to cook "self-serving" pie is almost irresistable.........

[soongmak]

By using the word cheating we are expessing a negative opinion on those who choose to have sex outside of their marriage or relationship and any discussion is based on the pretext that this is wrong in the first place.

 

Sigh.... Here we go again. Do we really need another discussion to come up with a PC term that does not offend the cheaters? I think you only have a right to come up with a new definition if you tell your wife about your *extramarital* activities and gets her approval for spreading your seed. If not, let's just get back to the original question, shall we?

[Zaad]

Hi Ikkrang,

 

Thanks for the feedback and honesty.

 

As for blaming, well it is a risk, and somebody's got to take responsibility. It may result in a lot of problems, but as many people claim that the cheater (men) are always at fault is not correct IMO. Some are some aren't, but as in the case in my initial post I believe both are equally at fault.

 

Zorro, MM,

 

You guys are right about the usage of the word. The word "cheating" itself doesn't reveal a detailed situation and it has negative connotations. Is it only sex? is there love involved? or even a complete new life..as what may be the case with a mia noi? Frankly I don't think any of these forms of "cheating" are acceptable for the majority of women.

 

I think cheating 'simply' means breaking the codes and laws of marriage / relationship thus negative, but others may have a different perception each to their liking as it's not written in stone.

Soongmak is right, let's not aim for that sort of discussion.

 

IB13,

I was afraid you'd pop out with straying or flirting. The tolerance level for those two (milder forms of cheating) differ too much from relationship to relationship but that's a completely different discussion.

[pattaya127]

if it were the last thing I'd do is share it on this board with you guys

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That sums it up for me. We all come from different backgrounds, that influence how we think about these things.

 

I must say i cringe when i hear guys who are married, ie. with a family, on this board, and made the Nightlife forum their place of predilection. But i don't know their situation. It tells me more how i feel about it than about them.

 

I am not married and i am not perfect. I have no idea if i'd be able to do something that may hurt my wife living in LOS, but in the case i'd be cheating, the main word would be discretion. To her, and to my friends, not to mention board members.