What the hell have I gotten myself into?

[bromad72]

Ok so here is my story. I have been hanging around here for a little while and now I think I have gotten myself into a mess.

I took a trip to BKK in November. I hung out mostly at NEP, did some shopping, sightseeing the whole deal. Well I kind of got stuck on this one BG who worked at G-spot. Spent pretty much the wholoe time with her and by the end of my 10 days I am drinking and singing karaoke with here mama and the rest of the family. Before I leave I agree that if she will go back to her home3 city and stay with mom and dad I will send her some cash every month.

I am not a rich man and I work hard for a living but I can afford this amount every month.

So I talk to her a few times a week ( 2-3 ) and had The Stick check her out for me, the village phone that I call once in a while matches the city she told me so I think she is on the level.

I have not been hit up for extra cash for the injured or sick relatives or the dying water buffalo. But she did want me to send her 30,000 baht because her sister is getting married and she wants to buy a whole bunch of whiskey and beer for like 250 people.

We talk for a little while and she asks me how sure I am that I will marry her when I come back in July. I say 70/30 because I want to see her again and make sure I am doing the right thing. ( You know meet the family, lay the ground rules about $ )She gets upset and asks me if I love her and if I don't to tell her now.

There was no " If you don't send money you don't love me " or any of that crap. Just point blank like that. And I don't know. I do care about her but being 12,000 miles away is kind of difficult to nail down my feelings. I am really confused and kind of scared. I am 29 and by no means a ladykiller here at home. I need some advice and maybe a supportive ear here because no one I talk to here at home understands anything about my situation but I think you guys ( and gals ) do.

Thanks

[Pom_Jao_Choo]

You know I was 29 when I wen't to LOS my first time. Stayed 10 weeks and went home almost in tears. Worked like a bastard all year dreaming about seeing Nong again. She was some kind of amazing we slept together for 2 weeks. And you know when I got back Nong was nowhere to be found.

it Well I got over and I met Pie. But that whole winter I was certain that I had the most special thing going. However in retrospect I realize that 2 weeks is not a relationship, 2 weeks is a fling. And mixed in arwith all the wonders that are Thailand, the exotic, the tropical climate, the unlimited spending money while on vacation and most importantly the wonderful people particularly the lady of the moment creates a euphoria that seems unearthly.

And when we westerners go back to our home cities, in our cold climates with the mean people all around us there is nothing more precious than those memories deeply burned to the furows of your brain. I mean what can give more pleasure bethan almost ing able to smell her, remembering the warmth of her body pressed to you the laughs and everything else. It helps to hold onto the idea that this is waiting for you, it's very difficult to let go of the one thing that gives you more strenght than anything else.

But honestly if you are not intending to get on a plane in the next week to go see her becuase you are so madly in love with here that the money is meaningless, then you should let her go! Oh yes I am an evil man to even sugest that idea but that's what would be best. And though as improbable as it may seem I can tell you now that next year when you arrive in LOS there will be a girl there waiting for you ever bit as special as this one!

Furtheremore if this girls feelings for you are so mutually real I know she will understand that you can not send her anymore money and will be just as happy only to recieve your letters.

[Guest]

I hate to jump on the "think again" bandwagon, but I have to agree that it is unwise to make big plans on the basis of one 10-day holiday with your G-Spot girl.

I fell in love with a Tilac girl - sprang her from the bar, put (literally) a million baht into her hands (without her asking - I just wanted to make her independent). That

was in 1997, after three trips (6-15 days each) spent with her over 10 months. I continued to make trips to Thailand from 1998 to early 2000. Visited her home village several times, spent a total of about 110 days with her, in stints up to 25 days duration.

Finally got her pregnant, and married her. Completed processing to bring her, a nine-year old stepson, and new baby to America. Then lightning struck, and I got sent to BKK to work by the company that bought out my employer.

Well, things didn't work out. Once it was daily life and forever, her violent temper and my flirting tendencies clashed like flames and gasoline. Even after maybe 150 "artificial" days together, we hadn't really grasped the whole picture.

I'm not the sort to have any problem with the idea of you sending her money (although the reason sounds like a big red warning sign to me - you are being set up to be the family ATM machine) - but send it just to make someone happy, and feel good about making a contribution - not because you've decided "this is the one and only".

Fantasy worlds are great places to visit, but you cannot live in them and sustain the fantasy.

My two satang, for what it's worth.

Good luck!

B-Fly BKK

[bromad72]

>Fantasy worlds are great places to visit, >but you cannot live in them and sustain the >fantasy.

Actually my real life is fantasy land. I am a manager of a go go bar in the US. I send the money because that is what I agreed to. And I always keep my word. However, I don't want to upset her because I don't want to be another evil farang, if you get my drift. She seems sincere. But maybe I am the family ATM. I appreciate your guys advice and the advice to follow.

And BTW, Working in the place that I do, My bullshit radar is pretty sensitive.

[buffalo_bill]

bromad,

the basic problem is that if you fall in love to whomever , it usually blows the fuse between brains and dick. this sounds rude but is what tecnically happens. the clever guys explaining you it can not happen to them are just the ones who did never feel it happen. ( the fuse ).

When I met my now ultralongtimegirlfriend , I also sent her back to the farm , sent money (for a start) and spent ( January 1999) about 2000 USD on telephone in one month , I think even more. I am 20 years older than you and plenty affairs before, so nothing new to me. It just happens. And as long as you do not care about your cash, life is beautiful. The problems come later :

Your 30.000 baht donation for her sister's wedding , you are just the next easy source in the line because she is not working any more as you say. In 3 weeks buffalo WILL be dead, need new television and so forth. this means not necessarily cheating you, but you must realise if you do not want to share your girl with others in the bar you have to replace her income , she is now under pressure to deliver. If you are ready to do that (and for how long ?) just enjoy life. But if it worries you already now , take a cold shower and come back to earth. From 12000 miles away this is just a hopeless situation , you do not know this lady long enough to consider a marriage. Your post sounds honest and I wish all the best of luck.

cheers bb

[zanemay]

quote:

---

Originally posted by bromad72:

>I send the money because that is what I agreed to. And I always keep my word. However, I don't want to upset her because I don't want to be another evil farang, if you get my drift. She seems sincere. But maybe I am the family ATM. I appreciate your guys advice and the advice to follow.

And BTW, Working in the place that I do, My bullshit radar is pretty sensitive.

---

Bromad,

Going to your original question: "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

From your comments, you are not naive, so I think you know. You are trying to believe that this is a good thing when you know it isn't.

Even before I looked at the bottom of your post I knew you were American. We are so honorable: "I send the money because that is what I agreed to. And I always keep my word." I am the same way. But...

We have to be able to recognize a mistake. What you have gotten yourself into? A hasty commitment which you feel honor bound to keep.

You are dealing with a typical Thai girl, she has not done anything wrong. God bless these ladies, they are wonderful! But there are a million of them. I am in love with one myself, but I hold a lot of myself in reserve and unlike you, would never send money.

Before you make "the big mistake" you need to swallow your honor and stop sending money. No one else in the situation is motivated by honor, that is for sure. That is part of your vulnerability to exploitation.

You also defined another part: "I am by no means a lady-killer here at home." This seems to be a statement that in spite of the fact that you say that your "real life is fantasy land. I am a manager of a go go bar in the US," you are not getting enough pussy/female companionship/love, if any. I don't mean to be cruel, but I am reflecting the impression back at you.

So there it is. Consider yourself lucky that your TGF waved the 30,000 baht red flag in your face. You need to either accept the sending-the-money/getting married commitment because you are lonely, even though you know it is a blatantly shaky idea, OR tune your bullshit detector onto your tendency to be ruled by honor and, just this once, say "sorry" and back out with the knowledge that you came away a bit wiser. No real harm done. They have the benefit of the money you have given them and the girl can go back to BKK. A little loss of face, a little "jep jai" (hurt heart) but she will get over it really quickly.

This is a very classic case of a good man being led down the garden path - by himself as much as anyone else. Best of luck to you in anything that you do.

Zane

[buffalo_bill]

Zane May,

" Even before I looked at the bottom of your post I knew you were American , we are so honorable:" I sent the money because that is what we agreed to ... "

I wish Mr. Jerry Soretti, South Hoyne Ave , Chicago would fit into your honor-system but unfortunately for about 8000 USD since 1994 he doesn't.

Question : You say you never send money to your gf . May I ask what she is living from ?

cheers

[Guest]

Bromad72...You work in a Go-Go bar and you vacation in a Go-Go bar? Get some fresh air pal and then think about sending her the dough. Cathead

[Guest]

No offense, just some analysis. I find talking and whinning about sending or not money, getting ripped off 10000 bahts or saved 200 barfine, doesn't make too much sense.

Since in your respective countries, e.g. UK, you'd be paying such atrocious amount of money just to take a (you thought) normal girl out for a dinner beside the Thames at the RunnyMede Hotel would already cost a bomb.

Think about it.

[Guest]

see the other side of the coin:

a bargirl meets a guy who wants to marry her. he sends her some money every month so she can stay home. he says he will come back to marry her the next time he comes to thailand. than he says he's not sure. she knows that her working life as a bargirl is very short. not many second chances. nothing else to fall back on than her fast fading beauty.

well, what would you think and do if you were that bargirl?