Topcatta Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 Ahhh, you noticed too that there is a lotta Pussy out there. Glad I am not the only one. Soongmak, why not talk about your wanderings before hand? I mean in an early stage of the relationship, why not tell her that you will be fucking around when you know thats what you're gonna do? I know your dealing with a different culture but still why not. A Thai woman would expect her husband goes to the hookers, so why not get it out in the open? And yeah Rorian, take it easy! Nothing happened yet. Dont pull away from her by withdrawing, this in itself will break your rt. Give her even more loving! Or even encourage her to fuck around. Make her feel she wont get abandoned when she is open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 >>Or even encourage her to fuck around. << LOL! He can't stomach her SMSing somebody so you say the solution is to let her fuck around??? Our girlfriends are not allowed to SMS. Fucking is definitely out. Need a better solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddha Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 "If you are not willing to take any crap from a girl, then you will never have a relationship" - MaiLuk Ha Ha!!! no problem from where I stand....and OH...it was me that commented on your mysogyny in another thread, I wasn't condemning you...as I am as guilty as you. I have trust issues and that helps make the LOS my home. Here you don't have to put up with the bullshit to get the honey, confuses me why so many guys fall into relationships with BG's. Kind of like eating at the same food cart everyday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 Ahhh, you noticed too that there is a lotta Pussy out there. Glad I am not the only one. Soongmak, why not talk about your wanderings before hand? I mean in an early stage of the relationship, why not tell her that you will be fucking around when you know thats what you're gonna do? I know your dealing with a different culture but still why not. A Thai woman would expect her husband goes to the hookers, so why not get it out in the open? And yeah Rorian, take it easy! Nothing happened yet. Dont pull away from her by withdrawing, this in itself will break your rt. Give her even more loving! Or even encourage her to fuck around. Make her feel she wont get abandoned when she is open. TC, everything happened, yet! That's the problem...really, your advice here is not great. He's already done the open/trust thing for 10 months!!!!!!!!! He's been a damn fine boyfriend, so she should be able to be open...she wasn't...it's too late for this......only a fool gives a partner repeated 'goes' if they find out about other people involved. Rorian sounds like a nice guy, he deserves A LOT better than this.......... Move on, be upset for a while. Live again. Don't fear the loss/sadness....it's temporary. Even tho' it feels like the worst thing in the world at the time, it never is really. The only other alternative is to talk to her and tell her exactly what he thinks and feels....give her a chance to demonstrate how much she cares by being open, then he must decide on whether he likes the answers.......but i suspect she can not be open, so there is no point to continuing..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 LOL Really? I bet you make a great partner! As i've already said' date=' people write about things based upon their own experience and personality, but that doesn't make what they say correct!!!!!!!! Lying is bad...inexcuseable.....in a close loving relationship there is no need for it. Farang culture says being honest and open is a good thing, it creates trust.....Thai culture is based on not losing face and lying (check out how many unhappy marriages there are in Thailand....a shitload trust me!)...in this instance the better is the farang way (not always the case, but this time we have it in the bag). Why accept a flawed M.O.? If something sux, why compensate for it....i wont tolerate bullshit, i don't do it, i wont accept it from others. Why should i or anyone else? Because it's cultural? Bullshit....if somethings wrong, it's wrong...end of! You reap what you sow.... [/quote'] In a perfect world people wouldn't be lying, but this world is far from perfect. Most people lie several times on a daily basis. As someone who studied psychology you should know. :smirk: I don't care so much about the little lies people tell to come off good, to avoid telling ugly truths that would embarass other people. I don't even care about lying about big things like infidelity, as long as you and your partner still genuinely care for each other. Why fuck up a perfectly good relationship by telling you have fucked around? Once the trust is broken, it hardly ever comes back. I think it would be stupid to expect your partner to be perfect in every major way. People have flaws, and it is killing to know every flaw they have. It's better to keep secrets and simply try to better your ways and EARN that trust again, instead of throwing an otherwise good relationship down the drain by bearing all. Love is not some Hollywood Kleenexville romantic bullshit. It is what happens after that first infatuation wears off. Then it's just you and your partner, with sagging tits, and growing beer bellies, morning breath, daily routine, big mistakes, little annoyances. But also the feeling that you still belong together, moments of magic, no matter how fucked up you both may be as persons. Life isn't perfect, people are flawed, and if you won't put up with any bullshit off your partner, *end of* as you say, it means to me that the relationship you have with your GF is probably still in its infancy. My bet is that you just don't love her YET. For your sake, I hope that will change. Really, because i've studied Psychology, that's why i've taken the stance i have....it's amazing how many folks think they know Psychology and how they feel free to question a Psychologists knowledge....if you had a friend who was a quantum physicist, would you feel at ease to ignore and criticise them on their theories surrounding data emerging from a black holes event horizon? No, why? Because you know nothing about it...but it's open season on a Psychologist, because you 'think' you know something about it......generally people and their behaviour are a mystery to most. Everyone is an amature shrink, but really they don't know squat. They just think they do........ Your relationship 'model' sounds very unfullfilling. My experience tells me this.....this is your one and only life....you don't get another, so fill it with good things...why waste your precious time on dross and crap? What's the point? Aim for better....don't settle for shit. Love and life are what you make them...you reap what you sow. In Rorians case, things are not good....so it's time to take a deep breath, move on and live again. From what he's told us, there's no future to this mess. In my case, my relationship is just fine...i've been lucky enough to find someone very special, no need to 'put up with' anything, because it's all good. It amuses me that having such a relationship would be seen as in it's infancy by you, i presume because you can not believe such a thing exists.....i strive for something better. If you do as well, you might be lucky enough to find it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigD Posted July 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 So last night we had another arguement and I ended up asking her if this is it. She refused to let me see her phone still. So I went out to play some pool and drink. Later that night she messages me and tells me she is sorry and that she is wrong that she didn't let me see her phone. Comments? No, she still hasn't shown me it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 So last night we had another arguement and I ended up asking her if this is it. She refused to let me see her phone still. So I went out to play some pool and drink. Later that night she messages me and tells me she is sorry and that she is wrong that she didn't let me see her phone. Comments? No, she still hasn't shown me it. 1. Well, you know the phone will be clean by the time you see it....so too late......but sure look at it now.....but then do part 2 below.....memorise everything, calls to and from...inbox and sent box will be empty of course.....look for paper where she may have written deleted numbers down.... 2. You can be sneaky if you want? Drop the whole subject for a week or 2....people are not terribly consistant and she will forget...then spring a look at phone on her? But if she hesitates you will know, however because you have raised her anxieties, she may well get into a daily routine of cleaning. So give it 2 weeks...she will screw up for sure, if what you suspect is true.... Have you asked her why she wouldn't let you see her phone?? Offer yours to demonstrate openness. Make the point, it's a phone! Not a private realm of secrets from your boyfriend. If you wanna get good? then she needs to have absorbed an awareness that phones are not private....they are phones....in a loving open realtionship why have them as secret no-go areas? Because the only reason that would happen is if you have secrets.... Final stage.....new SIM card. Unless she has written down or memorised numbers of course....Thai girls have good memories for phone numbers it seems.......if she refuses, ask why? Then tell her it's important to re-establish trust etc etc....does she want you to be happy and not worried etc etc? Then repeat stage 2 for clarity........ Just on this, it is remarkbly normal for me to carry my girlfriends phone if we go out, in my pockets, as she often has none on her clothing. I always do....that for me is normal. We have never had an issue over this, because there is none to have! No strange messages from strange people, so no need for the mobile phone as a private space thing. That argument has never been spoken!! If anything carrying around 2 phones can be a pain in the ass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKanalist Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 Rorian BAIL....BAIL....BAIL This is NOT going to end well. The trust is gone and it almost never comes back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 So last night we had another arguement and I ended up asking her if this is it. She refused to let me see her phone still. So I went out to play some pool and drink. Later that night she messages me and tells me she is sorry and that she is wrong that she didn't let me see her phone. Comments? No, she still hasn't shown me it. Since the problem repeats itself it seems this is just a game for her. Whatever goes on with this SMS thing she knows it drives you nuts. But she does it anyway. Could be an example of a thai girl with a boyfriend who did not take control of her so she does what she wants. Not a criticism of you. I've noticed over the years that your typical thai girl needs a guy to run the show or she gets out of hand. (I know somebody will say this is racist or whatever. who cares). Since your typical decent farang does not have the inclination to control his GF the thai/farang rts have a high turnover. Since you want advice on whatt to do, you need to let us know what housing your situation is. That is, can you leave immediately or would it take a long time to move? If you can leave her apartment now it would put you in the driver's seat. Right now she is driving, she knows what bugs you and does it anyway, and you are along for the ride. Whatever you do make sure you smile wish her luck and don't tell her you are leaving because she won't let you look at her damn phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddha Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 WOW....i think you should give it up....she has already won by taking the focus off of what she was doing and making you concentrate on getting a look at the phone...its a phone, it cannot misbehave, lie, cheat, etc....even if you get a looksy the culprit is still there. Re-read old Hippie's first post loudly three times...then go find a new playmate and don't get torched again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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