theshaw66 Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 I'm hearing very good advice from OH and other's ,but like i said before it wont matter what we say to this man....love has taken him over and he's gonna have to hit bottom with this lady to be able to see that it was she that held all the cards in their relationship.....hell the signs and red flags are all there and he's knows this as well as this board..we're all shaking out heads as we read this....no relationship is perfect ,but as men we have to know when to get off the roller coaster cause staying on can make you sick.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKKanalist Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Dude Just bail the fuck out of this one. It is over whether you like it or not. The only unknown at this point is how far she can play you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 OK, for the guys saying "Stick it out, put up with it..." PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION how would you advice your daughter, if a guy did this to her? I mean if a guy did what this girl did to the OP...My guess is, most of you would NOT give the same advice to your daughter, that you are giving to a stranger. To the original poster, I would ask, "what advice would you give to your own child in this situation?" There in might be your answer. As for Thais lieing...yes, that is sort of a point her, THEY LIE, a small "good lie" or a big bad lie, all the same to them in many cases. the point is, he has inquired about other guys, and she said no...and there was at least one, and she obviously gave him her number. Now he does not trust her. She has in the passed not trusted him, and spied on him, he is now spying on her...Anyone still want to tell me this is a healthy relationmship built on trust, and can last? All my misogonistic bullshit aside, these 2 are doomed to an unhealthy relationship full of crap and heart ache, which will inevitably end...so why prolong it...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 OK, for the guys saying "Stick it out, put up with it..." PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION how would you advice your daughter, if a guy did this to her? I mean if a guy did what this girl did to the OP... Well, If he wasn't in a RT right now and he asked me if he should indulge in all possible sexual phantasies, I would say, go for it! :hubba: Now if my daughter came by looking for advice on the exact same subject, I would probably explain to her with all my heart the advantages of celibacy. What you want for a daughter and what you want for friends are probably not always the same thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 No no no, I am saying, if your daughter came to you and said "...dad, I am having trouble with my Boy friend..." and described the same situation as Rorian described with his Girl friend, would you advise her to stick it out, work through it, put up with it etc...? or would you tell her to dump him and move on...? My point being here, don't give advice to a stranger that you wouldn't give to your own kid. If I was blessed with a daughter, and despite my misogonistic issues, I would consider it a blessing, I would raise her to be respective of men, but not to take crap off them either. If She were involved in this type of situation, I would tell her to dump the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 OH, I know what you meant, and that was what my reply was all about. You can't compare advice to your children to advice to your friends. Most fathers are reluctant to see their daughters in a good relationship, let alone a shaky one. The comparison doesn't fly in my book. Do I think you're right in case of the OP? Probably. Will he listen? Not likely, People in love usually don't listen to advice. My guess is he will only walk away when he is 100% sure she is cheating on him. Even then he might stay. That's love. It's rare, that's why people don't walk away from it easily. There is no surefire way to shield yourself from misery. I believe the opposite is true. Trying to shield yourself from misery is probably the shortest route to being miserable IMO. It makes me think of my favourite movie at the moment, Barfly. Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway play a couple of alcoholics. I love the scene where Mickey takes Faye to his hangout bar after they have spent only one night together. He hands her a check to cover this months rent and she asks him: "do you trust me with that?" he replies: "Why not? It's easier that way!" When he returns in the night time he only finds out that she has gone with Eddie, the macho bartender, a guy he hates with a vengeance. I think mickey did the right thing, and that he should do it again and again. He stays with her, you would probably have kicked her out. Either way, great film! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 I agree that some truths best stay uncovered. Thats how I've operated all my life, and I don't quite look like a Thai LOL Really? I bet you make a great partner! As i've already said, people write about things based upon their own experience and personality, but that doesn't make what they say correct!!!!!!!! Lying is bad...inexcuseable.....in a close loving relationship there is no need for it. Farang culture says being honest and open is a good thing, it creates trust.....Thai culture is based on not losing face and lying (check out how many unhappy marriages there are in Thailand....a shitload trust me!)...in this instance the better is the farang way (not always the case, but this time we have it in the bag). Why accept a flawed M.O.? If something sux, why compensate for it....i wont tolerate bullshit, i don't do it, i wont accept it from others. Why should i or anyone else? Because it's cultural? Bullshit....if somethings wrong, it's wrong...end of! You reap what you sow.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Excellent observations Josh! Completely agree with you on this one. Lies do not necessarily mean that a girl is a bad apple. It takes some getting used to the fact that Thais lie. I'm still learning to cope with that. What is important is do those lies harm you or not? An example of a good lie: My wife recently confessed that our thai wedding was more expensive than I thought. There were some unexpected costs amounting to 25,000 baht and she decided not to tell me, because she knew I would be terribly upset. She decided to pay this out of her own pocket and not to bother me, because she knew it would have spoilt our wedding day because I would have given her hell. Instead the wedding day was great, she paid off the costs and came clean later. I think it was the best solution in the case. Telling the truth would've only spoilt the occasion. I agree that some truths best stay uncovered. But that's not the kind of lie we are possibly talking about here is it? The thing is that he 'suspect' she is cheating on him. He say it's the first time he even gets this fealing so if true it's not a case of a overjealous man. The girl does strange things. Why should he settle with 'Thai girls lie'. Thai girls can lie, it might be culture to cover unpleasant issues, but there is nothing that say that 'thai girls lie' as a matter of fact, that they are not able to tell the truth or that you can never challange a lie even under four eyes. I think there is enough to warrant a talk about the relationship, where it's going and how to deal with each other. If the relationship can not handle that, done in a respectfull manner, I think it's shaky at best. The problem with advice in my view is that what matters takes place beyond theory and advice. It's the small things you interpret, what split seccond desissions you make, the hidden signals you send ... all you can not prepair for, that make the difference. Two people in the similar situation doing seemingly the same thing can get wildly diffrent result, but the thing is that the situation is not the same and they do not do the same things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 I also think some Thais, count on us to try and look at things the "thai way" and twist it and manipulate it to their way. They can also try to play the culture game when it suits them. SSG speaks excellent English, yet when she gets backed into a corner, caught in a face saving lie, or a lie to keep from hurting me (as in bullshitting me) then her English got bad or non existant, and suddenly, she couldn't explain something...many foreigners I have dealt with here, pull this, not just Thais, I suppose Westerners pull it also... In any event, I will reiterate, lieing and spying, and not trusting has been done by both parties here, and it is no bases for a relationship. I frankly fail to see how any rational thinking person can say otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Not to late to have that frank talk is it? Not to late to sit down and try to agree on treating each other with respect and talk things out. It will perhaps get you no where when it comes to the past, but if one hope for a future then it's time to start getting issues solved. I must say from what I read I saw a lot of red flags, and a description of a gut feeling that make things look bleak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.