Old Hippie Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Ok, you think he should try again? and maybe again? and maybe just one more time? O.k. same senario as Rorian described, except now it is your daughter involved as the "victim" how would you advise? Your son? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 "...You can't compare advice to your children to advice to your friends. Most fathers are reluctant to see their daughters in a good relationship, let alone a shaky one. The comparison doesn't fly in my book..." Very valid comparason in my book. It is easy to give advice when you have no interest in the out come. But think about it, if you were watching someone you love in this situation, you would think a lot differently. This is how I look at it. I am asked for advice, I think, well, if it were me, or someone I loved I would do this, or advise that. Hence, I think the comparison is valid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AF16 Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Ok, you think he should try again? and maybe again? and maybe just one more time? O.k. same senario as Rorian described, except now it is your daughter involved as the "victim" how would you advise? Your son? I think talking will do no harm. Doesn't mean he (she) should try again or stop. If you love someone I don't think you should drop them because the might have done something wrong, but neither should one just brush it aside pretending nothing have happened. The main point is to not be so afraid of loosing someone that you le to your self about what you see. Everyting in the piece were a red flag so I as you suspect there is something to hide, in which case it might be time to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Why should he settle with 'Thai girls lie'. Thai girls can lie, it might be culture to cover unpleasant issues, but there is nothing that say that 'thai girls lie' as a matter of fact, that they are not able to tell the truth or that you can never challange a lie even under four eyes. Off course he can, and in this case he should question her. It is not an innocuous lie. I only applauded Josh's post for pointing out the cultural role that lying plays in thai culture. That it is not always a case of lying is 'bad.' I do believe there are things more important than the truth, but not in this single case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Very valid comparason in my book. It is easy to give advice when you have no interest in the out come. But think about it, if you were watching someone you love in this situation, you would think a lot differently. This is how I look at it. I am asked for advice, I think, well, if it were me, or someone I loved I would do this, or advise that. Hence, I think the comparison is valid. I AM interested in the outcome, be it with my friends, or children. The fact I see is that parents tend to be overprotective of children. That's why children need to break loose. Being overprotective is not necessarily a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 LOL Really? I bet you make a great partner! As i've already said, people write about things based upon their own experience and personality, but that doesn't make what they say correct!!!!!!!! Lying is bad...inexcuseable.....in a close loving relationship there is no need for it. Farang culture says being honest and open is a good thing, it creates trust.....Thai culture is based on not losing face and lying (check out how many unhappy marriages there are in Thailand....a shitload trust me!)...in this instance the better is the farang way (not always the case, but this time we have it in the bag). Why accept a flawed M.O.? If something sux, why compensate for it....i wont tolerate bullshit, i don't do it, i wont accept it from others. Why should i or anyone else? Because it's cultural? Bullshit....if somethings wrong, it's wrong...end of! You reap what you sow.... In a perfect world people wouldn't be lying, but this world is far from perfect. Most people lie several times on a daily basis. As someone who studied psychology you should know. :smirk: I don't care so much about the little lies people tell to come off good, to avoid telling ugly truths that would embarass other people. I don't even care about lying about big things like infidelity, as long as you and your partner still genuinely care for each other. Why fuck up a perfectly good relationship by telling you have fucked around? Once the trust is broken, it hardly ever comes back. I think it would be stupid to expect your partner to be perfect in every major way. People have flaws, and it is killing to know every flaw they have. It's better to keep secrets and simply try to better your ways and EARN that trust again, instead of throwing an otherwise good relationship down the drain by bearing all. Love is not some Hollywood Kleenexville romantic bullshit. It is what happens after that first infatuation wears off. Then it's just you and your partner, with sagging tits, and growing beer bellies, morning breath, daily routine, big mistakes, little annoyances. But also the feeling that you still belong together, moments of magic, no matter how fucked up you both may be as persons. Life isn't perfect, people are flawed, and if you won't put up with any bullshit off your partner, *end of* as you say, it means to me that the relationship you have with your GF is probably still in its infancy. My bet is that you just don't love her YET. For your sake, I hope that will change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 So is the fault with the Thai girls who are raised to lie, as said pretty much by default, or the westeners who want to (or do) believe some lies (yes, you may be 60, grossly overweight and with poor hygine, but you *are* a sexy man!) but flip out with other lies (the buffalo is sick)..... "but flip out with other lies" -- very good point here. Yes the guys are to blame. Believe 90% of her lies then when one lie comes along that is not favorable to the farang, then all of a sudden lying is a major problem. Put yourself in a position to flip out and its your own fault. If you are always blaming others for your problems then you never correct yourself. Its sort of like the litigation explosion here in the states. Trespass onto someone's property and break your ankle in a hole; sue the landowner. And with Rorian's situation, he has a girl running around behind his back SMSing somebody. Apparently he didn't notice during the previous 10 months that his girl was immature. So now he has to dump her because she cannot be trusted. OH wants to know if it was my kid what would i advise. First i would give him a speech about all the pussy available in thailand why get so strung up on one girl. He would wave his hand and say this girl is the one i want but she keeps SMSing. I would say "OK, but what is the problem?" "Dad, she keeps SMSing when i'm not looking." I would scratch my head, look at the floor for awhile, surf the internet to see if anyone had this sort of problem before, roll some dice to see if the numbers are lucky, get my palm read. Then, after some yoga stretches, i would say: "son, that is one of the most serious problems i ever encountered in a rt. Run! Run as fast as you can. Don't be a fool and spend one more minute with that flaming good for nothing whore." Then we would have a beer together at Our Place where the ladies don't look hot enough to distract us from life's true meaning. And the girls don't SMS while on the clock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 It's a hard choice, but I think when I leave, it will be the last time I see her. If you are going to leave her, I suggest you not tell her the real reason. She will berate you and you won't have much of a response since the whol;e thing is trivial. "But you gave your # to some guy!" I can hear it now. Big deal. Since you haven't caught her doing anything, all you have is this hyper vigilante trust issue that farangs are hung up on and it won't fly under her questioning. So no whining about trust when you leave. Just tell her you have decided to move on. Period. Thats it. Will keep her wondering where she went wrong for a long time. And there is alot of pussy out there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 [OH wants to know if it was my kid what would i advise. First i would give him a speech about all the pussy available in thailand why get so strung up on one girl. He would wave his hand and say this girl is the one i want but she keeps SMSing. I would say "OK, but what is the problem?" "Dad, she keeps SMSing when i'm not looking." I would scratch my head, look at the floor for awhile, surf the internet to see if anyone had this sort of problem before, roll some dice to see if the numbers are lucky, get my palm read. Then, after some yoga stretches, i would say: "son, that is one of the most serious problems i ever encountered in a rt. Run! Run as fast as you can. Don't be a fool and spend one more minute with that flaming good for nothing whore." Then we would have a beer together at Our Place where the ladies don't look hot enough to distract us from life's true meaning. And the girls don't SMS while on the clock. ML, That story doesn't work, because OH talked about advice to an imaginary DAUGHTER, not son. That probably just means that you would hang out with her in a boy bar, watching the 'train' show, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 29, 2006 Report Share Posted July 29, 2006 If my daughter were having rt problems with a farang in thailand i would explain that only whoremongers go to thailand because it is full of whores. So stay away from the farang they are scum and find yourself a good moto taxi boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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