buffalo_bill Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 Gentlemen , when I rang my lovely Nok on Sunday for the twice weekly soundcheck there was heavy noise in the background , kinda music . I asked what is this and she explained it was something with Buddha and her sister had died the day before . Now her sister was very close to her emotionally and further looked for her children and God knows . One would have expected her to be in heavy tears and the like , but she wasn't . Whilst we kept on talking she explained what happened but no signs of serious grief . Suprise to me because I would have expected the opposite . Am I right in thinking that the Thai citizens have a generally more relaxed feling about death or is my lovely Nok a hardened bitch ? BuBi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preahko Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 she may be (and probably is) feeling lots of strong emotions over her sister's death, but it's considered a bad thing to show them (as it's almost always considered bad to show any extreme emotions in thai culture). when a good friend supposedly died (a thai BG--and it turned out later that she didn't, long story), I couldn't hold back the tears but was continually admonished for doing so by her other friends, who did their best--with a few failures--to keep their composure, reminding me that "she went well," and "she's free from the pain of this life now"... similarly, when I finally was reunited with the reportedly deceased friend, she herself admonished me for being sad when I had thought that she was dead; she even scolded me for being happy to find out that she was alive! she said "you thought I had escaped this miserable life, and now you're happy to find out that I didn't?!" interesting way to see the world, but not my way. preahko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 Grief can be displayed but it is a private thing amongst family...i've seen Thai people cry countless times. However, it could also be that she's in shock, loss takes a while to come to the surface and manifests itself in a variety of ways...i've seen people become hysterical and laugh initially, then some time later fall apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exit2dos Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 A TG I was seeing, once in a while, told me her best freind had brain cancer. She had been suffering from headaches for a while and was now in the hospital, The next time I saw her, I asked about her freind. She told me she died. This girl was not greiving. After expressing my condolences, she said it was a good thing. No more headaches for her freind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted November 29, 2006 Report Share Posted November 29, 2006 I have to pretty much agree with preahko. What to a westerner appears to be callousness is in reality a facade to hide the emotions. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian2 Posted November 29, 2006 Report Share Posted November 29, 2006 When the King's grandson was killed in the tsunami his mother wept in public but after the funeral it was explained that Thai people did not show grief after the cremation as the person had gone on to their rebirth. Having said that my brother in laws mother died last month and the ceremony lasted about four day. As soon as the monks left at night the cards would come out and gambling and drinking went on till daylight. The old lady was very old and constantly doubled over from back pain but whether this had anything to do with it I don't know. Quite a good system here, if some ome dies every adult in the village puts in 80 baht for the funeral etc. Not farangs, I've offered and been told no, I'm not on the village roll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffalo_bill Posted November 29, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2006 About not allowed to show emotion I could easily quote one or two examples showing the opposite , but after another call today I tend to think that your theory is right . BuBi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preahko Posted November 29, 2006 Report Share Posted November 29, 2006 About not allowed to show emotion I could easily quote one or two examples showing the opposite , but after another call today I tend to think that your theory is right . BuBi oh, I agree, I could give you plenty of examples myself where thais have shown lots of emotion! but the point is that their "ideal" is that they not show it, and that they often go out of their way not to. of course, they slip up sometimes too, they're only human. preahko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted November 29, 2006 Report Share Posted November 29, 2006 I remember a visit to the village in the early days and being invted over to meet a man sitting on a table undr the house as they do. Chat with him and generally join in the laughter. I ask "Why I meet him, is he relative" "No, just a family friend, he'll die this week." And he did. DOG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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