bust Posted August 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2008 Why don't blind people like sky diving? Because it scares the dogs. I know not very PC but I thought it was funny and actually came from a brail joke book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted August 13, 2008 Report Share Posted August 13, 2008 You just wanted the 1000th post on the Any New Jokes thread. :onfire: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted August 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 As part of their "ranch" holiday, a guy takes his wife hunting. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure you don't let anybody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's shouting, "OK, lady, OK! You can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 Bob's wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?' 'I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted August 15, 2008 Report Share Posted August 15, 2008 There is this guy who lost an eye in a fight. He looks like a freak without it and goes to a doctor who recommends a glass replacement. The guy cannot afford one so the doctor fits one made one out of wood which is cheaper. However, he becomes really self conscious about it and becomes a bit of a recluse. One day a friend gets him out to a bar. He sees everyone dancing and wants to join in. He sees a chick with a hunchback standing around and thinks "Well, no one else is asking her to dance and she is worse off than me so I'll ask." He goes up to her and says, "Want to dance?" She looks really excited and says, "Would I!" The guy says "Wood eye! Wood eye! Well fuck you, hunchback!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted August 17, 2008 Report Share Posted August 17, 2008 A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! "Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. Rub it." So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish...each person is only allowed one!" The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks." "No shit!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 17, 2008 Report Share Posted August 17, 2008 Boom Boom .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted August 17, 2008 Report Share Posted August 17, 2008 .....good one..... :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted August 19, 2008 Report Share Posted August 19, 2008 A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad all at the same time." She said, "You have a bigger penis than all your friends." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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