Reaction to Divorce or breakup.

[Julian2]

http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,21780321-5005962,00.html

 

I found this article quite interesting because when I broke up with my first wife I did go a bit strange for a while, almost stalking her on a couple of occasions. I can't believe I did it now, I can't keep far enough away from the losing bitch.

After that I had two long term relationships in Asia but when they broke up I just moved on, almost with a feeling of relief, even of anticipation of the good times playing the field ahead.

I'd like to hear of others experiences after the crash and burn of a relationship.

[Bangkoktraveler]

Some authorities say divorce is comparable to a death of a loved one. For men, there gererally are very few people who will provide any comfort.

[teddy]

A colleague of mine got divorced from his wife and was cheering on the process and telling everyone who would listen how happy he was to get rid of her. At the same time though he was drinking more and more and making a fool of himself.

 

One day a few weeks after the divorce came through he never showed up for work. Then, a few days later we heard that he had broken into his ex-wifes apartment and hidden himself in one of the kitchen cupboards for three days.

 

The wife heard a noise one night and caught him just sitting there in the cupboard. She got in touch with the police and they put a restraining order on him. He disappeared soon after and I believe he went to live in Thailand.

[was_usvirgin]

I don't know, Julian, but things haven't gone well for me since seperating from my wife about 18 months ago. We planned it for years, and we are still on great terms, so there was no shock or heartbreak involved.

 

I've started to experience health problems, which I would chalk up to going into mid-life crisis party mode and generally not taking care of myself. Someone else always took care of me, in the past.

 

My doc hasn't been able to pinpoint exactly why I am anemic, but he keeps going along the line of questioning of simple 'depression', given the above. I reject that theory, telling him I have plenty of friends and support, blah blah blah.

 

I've found recently, in my case, that better quality diet and less drinking works wonders. I had developed a scary cough (I smoke cigarettes) that I'd have to deal with every morning (or afternoon, whenever I woke up) and a liver inflamation that my doc told me about that I could eventually feel by touch (tenderness, soreness).

 

Guess what? After a couple of days of adding fresh juice to my diet (carrot, apple, beetroot), and improving the quality of my diet in general, the above symptoms went away, my appetite has improved and I'm getting my energy back.

 

So, IME so far, it's about the lifestyle changes that result from the break-up. Why this affects guys more than women is beyond me but, in my case, my wife's the one who kept the house and her normal lifestyle, with one less worry - me!

 

 

 

[Julian2]

Our house backed onto a golf course and I'd get the train down at night and walk onto the golf course and look over the back fence. I only did it a couple of times and have no idea why.

I also lived alone and I fancy myself as a bit of a cook and if I put my mind to it I can knock up a decent meal but it was two fry ups a day, sausages bacon, eggs, chips and then a few hours in the pub every night. I put on a lot of weight quickly which I've never really lost even though my diets a lot better now.

Also my lawyer advised me to stop working as it would go a lot better for me in the divorce court when they divvied up the (my) spoils. It did too but I still regret it. Too much change at once.

[pe7e]

Like many on the board I've gone through the upset of a divorce, in my case the 19 year marriage had already reached the point when we were essentially living seperate lives, long before the actual split. We were however, good buddies and still supportive to each other, a bit like brother and sister really. The actual divorce was a very civilised and negotiated affair, but I found the loss of my 'best friend' (the ex) very painfull indeed. Twenty years have passed and life as moved on, I don't want her back, I never did, but on the odd occasion I still experience a sense of loss. I doubt that will ever go away.

[..]

Gee, Pe7e, except for the last two sentences, your experience mimics mine completely.

 

But we have only started the legal proceedings (but I expect them to be as yours), so life has not moved on yet for me - it will not until the closure of the divorce. And even though I am dating some pretty fine women, I am still sad at the loss.

 

Cheers,

SD

[pe7e]

Well if you take the advice of someone who's 'been there and done that' and emerged on the other side relatively undamaged, you'll keep the divorce as friendly and non confrontational as possible, even if it means taking a pragmatic view on occasions. This will really pay dividends in the future, and it's especially important if children are involved, they undoubtly feel the pain as well. Like yourself, I've entertained some fine looking women over the years, :grin: and I've never had any difficulty finding a playmate, a soulmate has been more of a challenge, and to combine the two, has so far proved impossible, I do however live in hope, and it's been a lot of fun looking

[MaiLuk]

When I got divorced I had the hearing scheduled on valentine's day.

 

Some typical reactions I hear from people getting divorced:

 

If the bitch tries to take the house I'll burn it down

 

Quit job so no money to pay support (someone in this thread did the same)

 

My Husband should not see the kids because he has always (please choose one):

abused them

neglected them

won't shower them

won't feed them

(and nevermind that the kids were perfectly fine to be alone with the husband while they were married).

 

 

Pe7 said:

>>keep the divorce as friendly and non confrontational as possible, even if it means taking a pragmatic view on occasions. This will really pay dividends in the future, and it's especially important if children are involved<<

 

Very wise words. If you have to deal with your soon to be ex-spouse for the next 10 or 15 years because you have kids together, why make an enemy? When two people are locked in a custody battle you are probably looking at two people acting like fools with no ability to take the long view.

[billywan]

I agree with you. When my wife left me for another guy after 20+ years, was a huge loss for me, Been 6 years tomorrow and still have not recovered. Do not like old, fat cacausian women and even if I liked white girls, slim 18 - 30 somethings would not get within a mile of this late 50's guy. My #1 Thai girl recently married a younger guy with my best wishes and congratulations (Started with her when she was 19 and recently turned 25). Happy for her but sad for me. (Been after her for a while to find a younger guy as I told her she was too young for me to marry)Oh well, still looking in Thailand. Plan on moving there middle of next year, hopefully I can find the type of girl I am looking for. Til then, just biding my time.