Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 Thaihome. Absolutely. chuck your money away and why not, plenty more where that came from. Let?s impress the natives. Good policy. Devalue? Cheapskates? Bit strong isn?t it. Always thought you pay for what you want according to it?s value, no more. Since this is your wife you?re talking about what?s all this about the good ol? future in-laws getting you to pay at all, let alone over the odds? Would you do that at home? going rate, no more, no less according to the accepted scale based on class, education, position if you feel you must, what it cost the folks to get her to where she is today etc.. bear in mind in the unlikely event the new family has been educated properly they are incompetent money managers, especially when it?s your money so that job will be better entrusted to you. People chronically starved for bahts run through chunks quite fast with bugger all to show except hangovers. Women don?t often respect their men treating money lightly and when it?s gone you might find she?s gone too. Conflict is of no concern. Her future rides on your good financial judgement. Dsab, you won?t get so many opinions. Parasitic in-laws are bad news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 Actually, to be technically correct, it's not a dowry. A dowry is what the girl's family pays a male suitor. Not the custom here, as you all know. What we have in Thailand, anthropologically speaking, is called brideprice, where the male suitor pays the girl's family. THAIHOME: I hear what you're saying, but I don't consider bargaining for the girl demeaning here in Thailand, because it's just what's expected. If the guy didn't bargain and just handed over the cash, that could cause problems down the road, in the form of the girl's family thinking he's an easy mark. That might not be a CONSCIOUS thought, but there would be that thought, whether the girl's family even realized it or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 If your concerned about the money then do the following(I did this): Open a joint bank account in farangland and place the sin sod there. Then both of you control how that money is spent. In my situation if I payed the money directly to her parents then they would have returned it to her the next day. There are many variables to calculate sin sod and most guys have put them on this discussion already, most importantly if you do pay up make sure you pay what you can afford and don't feel funny/guilty/whatever about it.... Sanukboot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 Kangaroo man, I could not agree more. Doesn't matter ho head over heels I was with a girl, no way would I pay a dowry, no way at all. And yes, I agree, there are many Thais out there who DO RESPECT the farangs unwillingness to pay. Cynicism prevents me from saying that many of these who DEMAND the dowry appear to be ex bar girl families....oops, just said it! Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 007, are you a member of the Secret Service? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 dsap, To answer your question. I get married in Isaan over a decade ago. Here my experiences and explanations I get at the time for the whole procedure. 1) My father in law fixed the date of marriage together with the head monk from the Wat nearby. The dates they figure out shall grant that our marriage is born under a good star and shall be happily for the rest of our lives. So far it worked:) 2) An odd number of monks were invited to handle the marriage (at least 5). 3) The marriage took place at the home of my wife. She was supposed to arrive at home at least one night before the marriage took place. 4) I arrived one day later together with my family. We were told to bring gifts with us for the monks. Right after arrival we had to give over these presents. 5) Me and my father were asked to sit down together with the head of the village, my father in law and my fiance by the time (I really hate my ex girlfriend but what can I do she?s my wife today:). This actually would have been the moment to negotiate the dowry. But I just handed it over instead. Conc. the dowry: I was told prior to marriage that it is totally up to me what I am going to give. I handed over 50'000 Bath. As I could figure it, this was OK. At least nobody shouted something like ?Cheap Charly? when the head of the village was counting it over the microphone. BTW, two years later my sister in law married a Thai guy (this still happens) he handed over 10'000 Bath. So I figure my 50k were fair enough. Is 300'000 Bath too much. No idea, this is up to you. But I would figure that theY would not ask for the same amount if you would be Thai. To the meaning of this money, I was explained that normally the head of the village is handing it over to the father in law (this happened so far). Later on the mother in law will give it back to her daughter. The meaning is that she shall use this money to build up an own household. Of course, the second part will most probably not happen to a farang. Even though my wife asked me if I like to get the money back. BUT, excuse me!!! 6) Important: Bring 5 Bath of gold with you in any form (necklace etc. etc.). You are asked to hand this over directly to your fiancé. Again, the head of the village will carefully check if it is 5 Bath (more is no problem) and announce the weight to the guests. I figured the gold was almost more important then the money (even this is certainly not true for the family, as they could keep it). Ask your GF about this. 7) Now the ceremony starts. I spend nearly 4 hours on my knees going through the whole procedure. Jesus, my knees!!! Get trained:). 8) The big drinking starts. Believe me to marry in Thailand is an experience you never will forget (a good one BTW). And also your family in law will not forget it as you showed them respect and interest in their culture (doesn?t matter what your going to pay). The above was my marriage. A second one I attended went on exactly the same. But however, this does not mean that it is everywhere in Thailand the same. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 I don't think I wandered off target, I was reacting to the posts demanding to know the background in order to establish worth (or appearance of worth). I agree that it is a custom we are foreced to play along with, but for your wife, it is not play. I think in the end, you agreed with me that if you can afford it and the family is not going to waste the money, then go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiHome Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 You don't know my wife?s family, or me. I find it pretty insulting for you to say I was "chucking" the money away to "impress the natives"? You have no information to make such a judgment. I stated my experience for the benefit of someone who asked for other people?s personal experiences (not opinions). What is your experience with sin sot? That is subject of this thread. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 That is just a lot of money, especially if you say they are poor. I would like to know how the girl educated herself to get to a 9 to 5 job in a travel agency, which seems to indicate computer skills and probably some acounting, or whatnot. A lot resides in her attitude. I know a girl who left her family for her farang BF, because that family's $$ claims were unreasonable. usually, it's the other way around, but what i mean is that how she handles fairness to both family and fiance will be a good indication of what kind of person she is, and how sensitive to your dilemna. If it sounds all black and white in her eyes, not a good omen that little or big arguments in the couple will be discussed with their pros and cons, and conducive to compromises, later on. The usual number that comes out from many stories is that 100 000 bahts is a fair price for a poor family. If you go higher, see if they can understand this is a one time thing. IMO, outside of old provincial/issan life, "dowry" paying is an obsolete tradition revived for the "benefit" of the smitten farang tourist. Just another $$ sucking cottage industry. Outside of these backwaters, it is just not so common, for thais or thai/farangs. My thai friends seem to confirm my impression. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 28, 2002 Report Share Posted March 28, 2002 So sorry thaihome but life?s a string of viewpoints. paying sin sot was the right decision for you. Agree not enough information in your case but enough to consider sin sot is a largely a scam that mainly benefits bg?s parents if they don?t return the money to the married couple. Just don?t agree with it having been on the short end myself. Before we get to that what?s your view on calling people you don?t know ?cheapskates?? you?ll see the inference on devaluing your wife was yours alone if you read back over the thread. The quotes are not directed so much to you but rather to those entering into this arrangement without the benefit of experience and knowledge. We can explain our positions as we go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.