Wedding Money !

[ThaiHome]

The "cheapskate" remark was not directed at anyone in particular; hence I feel I could make it, while your insult was addressed directly to me. If you took the "cheapskate" remark personally, then maybe the shoe fits.

 

I agree the inference on devaluing was mine alone, I believe I started by say it was my feeling.

 

I am sorry that you have been on the short end of a sin sot arrangement. Maybe it would have been better to have described your experience rather then mount a personal attack on my in-laws and me.

 

 

[Guest]

Do you ever post on ajarn.com, by any chance?

[ThaiHome]

No, never have. Care to explain?

[Guest]

Slugfests are the defining feature of the ajarn.com site. I was wondering if you'd posted there.

[ThaiHome]

I don't think this is a slugfest, not yet anyway, and hopefully I wouldn't participate anyway. Why would you not ask Farangbaa that question?

 

I just get irritated with some people's assumption that Thai in-laws are worthless, just using their daughter's farang husband as an ATM, and will piss away any sin sot. The original poster asked a sincere question and received a bunch, of what I considered, prejudiced replies from a lot of people that did not help him (your reply was not one in this category).

 

The contempt for Thais and Thailand that is often expressed on board sometimes astounds me.

 

 

[Guest]

If it astounds you on THIS board, then don't ever read ajarn.com.

 

 

 

As I've said, I'm one of the lucky ones who have never had to deal with this. Hell, my wife's family, while not exactly wealthy, certainly has more money than *I* have; I wouldn't be surprised if they had been worried that *I* would hit THEM up for some cash at some point. The issue never came up. Of Chinese origin, they had a son who has a son, so the line can be perpetuated and the ancestors propitiated, and that's all they really were concerned about. My wife is the youngest of several daughters, all of whom, except for my wife of course, never married, and the parents, Mom in particular, were afraid of her baby girl being left alone at some point.

 

 

 

But really, I think for most Thais it's such a standard feature, that the girl would not mind being bargained over. I've never heard of a girl here being offended by it.

 

 

 

I knew one guy who's prospective mother-in-law was expecting an extremely high brideprice (which is what it's called, not "dowry"), and the girl had a talk with her mother and said to go easy because my friend was not wealthy by farang standards and that they WERE going to be married, no matter what.

[ThaiHome]

Well, thanks for the warning, never intended to read it anyway, isn't it a bunch of unhappy English teachers?

 

 

 

It was never an issue for me either, my wife told me it was going to be 300K, that her mother would pay for the party and gold out it. I asked her if that is what she wanted to do, and made sure she realized it would come out of the joint savings account here in Thailand, and that was it.

 

Th

[Old Hippie]

I find the whole idea of a bride price/dowry very disturbing. Mainly because I am cheap. But the idea of paying your wife's family for her is sort of like well...prostitution. What is the difference if they sell her to a brothel or you? It just seems as they view the daughter only as a means to make money. I also resent the shakedown of it. I was told by a Thai here, that it is not just Farangs who get hit hard, they will try for all they can get! He said mainly it is just a way to make sure you have some money and the daughter is not marrying a bum. He said whether or not you will get it back is still a question!

 

 

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

 

 

"5) Me and my father were asked to sit down together with the head of the village, my father in law and my fiance by the time (I really hate my ex girlfriend but what can I do she?s my wife today:). This actually would have been the moment to negotiate the dowry."

 

I was under the impression that this would be negotiated before the wedding, meaning days or weeks before.

 

 

 

"BTW, two years later my sister in law married a Thai guy (this still happens) he handed over 10'000 Bath."

 

My brother-in-law just married for the second time (first wife ran off 10+ years ago). He paid.... 2,000 Baht

 

My wife thought this was hilarious.

 

 

 

"Of course, the second part will most probably not happen to a farang."

 

Why not? I (well my wife anyway) got back a huge chunk of it. The rest was used to cover additional costs of the wedding.

 

 

 

"7) Now the ceremony starts. I spend nearly 4 hours on my knees going through the whole procedure. Jesus, my knees!!! Get trained:)."

 

Hahahaha, yeah did this too.... at 40+ Celsius. I (literally) nearly passed out when getting up.

 

 

 

"The above was my marriage. A second one I attended went on exactly the same. But however, this does not mean that it is everywhere in Thailand the same."

 

Correct. I have been to 2 and both were different. Most regions have their own differences.

 

 

 

To the original poster, you mind want to consider signing up for the memberarea. There is an article in there on Dowries / Brideprices as well as an account of a Thai marriage and some information on getting married from the US Embassy.

 

 

 

Sanuk!

 

 

[Guest]

Quote:

 

I was under the impression that this would be negotiated before the wedding, meaning days or weeks before.

 

 

 

It also would make sense to me, as otherwise you better bring enough money in case you need it. However, I was told different (which does not mean that this is normal). Like I said, I was never asked for anything it was fully up to me.

 

 

 

Quote:

 

My brother-in-law just married for the second time (first wife ran off 10+ years ago). He paid.... 2,000 Baht

 

My wife thought this was hilarious.

 

 

 

Shit happens:).

 

 

 

Quote:

 

"Why not? I (well my wife anyway) got back a huge chunk of it. The rest was used to cover additional costs of the wedding."

 

 

 

For two reasons IMO: because especially poor families would expct that they are allowed to keep it (from a farang). And because (personally) I thougt, what I gave was OK. So I never wanted to have it back. It certainly depends on the amount. Speaking about 300kBath at the time, I just would not have been able to pay it without taking a credit.

 

 

 

Cheers