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Plastic Women


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I saw this and smiled, written by a lady...




I saw a woman on social media at the weekend who's recently had a boob job, but they look odd. Her boobs no longer appear to be talking to each other. I think they've had an argument, because they seem to be trying to get away from each other. Pert? Yes. Inflated? Yes. But they were, well, sort of attached oddly on the side of her rib cage, and you could drive a Mini Clubman through the middle of them. I thought cleavage was the goal. No? How wrong could I be? There's no jiggle. No wiggle. Just this sort of bolt-on thing that hangs off the side of your ribcage.


And then you've got the Kim Kardashians of the world. You can't get an ass that size unless you sew a large pillow into each butt cheek. And how does she fit in the bath? I've always wondered that. And if she's trying to squeeze past tables in a restaurant, does her ass take most of the cutlery and serviettes with her?


And then you've got lips - oh, the fish lips. Fish lips that are triggered by the collagen injections women use to plump up their lips. I was in a bar the other day with a friend and we wondered if we'd accidentally walked into an aquarium. There were women with puffed-up lips and puffed-up cheeks. Honestly, it was like being in a room full of snapper. Am I missing something here?


I do have grave fears for the future of women, though. I think we're losing our marbles. On one hand we want to be taken seriously, we want pay parity, we want equality and we rise up against any sign of sexism or misogyny.


And on the other, we're running around inflating bits of our bodies in the name of beauty. Honestly, the way we're going at the moment, the ultimate woman's figure will soon resemble a duck. We'll have huge beak-like lips, a small chest with fake nipples, and we'll be waddling around with a great big booty out the back.



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