think_too_mut Posted August 20, 2002 Report Share Posted August 20, 2002 Gura, Just sent you a PM, my reply was too long and I did not want to repeat so many things. The path looks familiar but it's not all lost. As another poster suggested, you have to find some alternative to disco life, maybe some school or she goes back to work. And some way of control or at least some way of knowing what is happening. Seems to me, if you do nothing, she may just sink... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2002 Report Share Posted August 20, 2002 Have you spoken to your friend who runs the bar she hangs out at? Maybe he can help as you're so far away. Suggest you get her back working in the day or going to school. Good Luck. Long distance relationships are always tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentors Posted August 20, 2002 Report Share Posted August 20, 2002 Sorry its sounds bad. Discuss with her or forget her. It's the old story again. Shure its ok if she going out sometimes because you do it also. But she quiet her job 3 weeks ago because she like to hanging around with bargirls since a while. She feels boring at home. Why she don't go to a course. There are so many courses for computers, painting or cooking or something like that, also for shure in HuaHin. For me the end is clear. Now she start drinking beer. Then she will start with card playing because her other friends do it also. Thats the next point. Same as many GTG (?) coming to my home country. After a while they find always Thai ladies (for shure in thaishops) with a bad influence. These ladies came here years ago and in the meantime their married has finished. They are frustrated and they dont bear it if a other thai lady has a good luck. Same characters you can see in LOS daily. Thai ladies can be envious and insodious to each other. There is nothing be left with smiling and sanuk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranma500 Posted August 20, 2002 Report Share Posted August 20, 2002 maybe my last post was a little flippant. I think that you are worried because this is a real test of the strength of your relationship. One of two things will happen: She will go out, have a good time, maybe occasionally take things a little far and get too drunk, but always be faithful to you, and always want to be with you, Or She will indeed be led astray by other girls, and you will lose her. I think Gura is right. This is a very similar worry to the one that parents have when their kids go off to university. It is also something that a lot of men experience who have younger wives or girlfriends. Or indeed any longterm relationship. The worry is: As her world expands, will you become less and less interesting to her, until she no longer has a place for you in her life? The real problem is in dealing with this. I do not think the answer is to curfew her or restrict her friends. This will make you seem dictatorial, unreasonable, and worst of all, not fun! As I said before, if she were flirting with drugs or prostitution, then you would have a reason to really get tough, but I don't think you have described anything that an average girl in the West wouldn't want to do. Do you really want to be seen by her as a figure who acts like a father, stopping her fun? I'm sure this is the quickest way to kill off any love. And I do also think it is a little hypocritical, since I am sure you have done all the things you describe. But of course, in doing nothing, in allowing her to explore, and to make her own decisions, her own choices, you run the risk that she will choose a life you don't like, and possibly one that doesn't include you. But that's a risk you surely have to take. Furthermore, I really think you have no right to restrict her. She has a right to make her own decisisons, even bad ones. This will worry you, and may even ultimately break your heart, but surely she must be free to decide for herself. Do you really want to keep her in a cage? Or do you dare to let her fly free, in the hope that she will come back to you? Final advice - you have competition now. She has discovered things that she enjoys that do not include you. If you want to keep her, you can try two things: 1. Subtlely show her the reality behind the glamour of prostitution. Does she really understand what it is all about - what the girls have to do, how often, with whom, the health risks etc.? Find someone she can talk to who will tell her about the reality. If she is to make a choice, let it be an informed one. 2. Make her time fun when she is with you. Do things that she will enjoy as much or even more than you. If that means going to discos, try it! I've seen so many farang in Thailand sitting in restaurants or bars next to their girlfriend, either eating silently or chatting to friends. The girlfriend is silent, ignored, and bored out of her mind. It is in an interesting aspect of prostitution to me that one of the things that the man is buying is the right to be as boring as he wants. But your girlfriend is not a prostitute, and so if you want to keep her amused and interested, I'm sure you will need to make an effort. I had a girlfriend a few years ago who was an English university student. She told me one weekend that she had tried 'crack' cocaine. I went through exactly the same crisis. I freaked out. Years later, she is not a crack addict. It really was just a bit of student experimentation. But my restrictive behaviour was a major element in the killing of our relationship. Who wants to date someone who behaves like a Victorian father? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 20, 2002 Report Share Posted August 20, 2002 Post deleted by Gura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted August 21, 2002 Report Share Posted August 21, 2002 Why not talk to the girl and try to reach an agreement? Where both give and get something? Maybe limiting the nights she goes out and staying away from the worst places? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilli13 Posted August 21, 2002 Report Share Posted August 21, 2002 hi there, I know of a girl in similar situation & background, only she's only 18 & I've only known her about 9 month & we haven't VERY serious yet... best of luck ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted August 21, 2002 Report Share Posted August 21, 2002 Gura, I've seen your last post, and basically it is the dog's fault, so shoot the dog ! Seriously, get rid of the dog, so your GF can go back upcountry when you leave or go back to work ! Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted August 21, 2002 Report Share Posted August 21, 2002 Let's face it, she is 23 and has been exposed to a totally different world. She is learning about things that were not introduced to her in a traditional Thai sense. Her relationship with you is not traditional. She has already broken the rules and values by dating a farang, having sex with him outside of marriage and then lying to her family about the marital status. Honestly I don't think you can compete with the lure of the bars. I think there is a certain excitement and edginess associated with hanging out on the scene that appeals to your lady's naughty nature. This does not mean she becomes a prostitute, it just means that she likes the flash. You restrict her from hanging out then you will cause nothing but resentment and force her to leave you. Your on a ship thousands of miles away there is no way in hell she is going to sit in the house alone now, especially if she is a social creature. You have no choice but to let her explore and figure out hings on her own, if you lose her in the process that is life. You want to keep her at home and away from the scene then marry her and giver her a couple of babies I understand your concern but you may be over reacting a bit. There is nothing you can do except watch and give good advice. The rest is up to her. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted August 21, 2002 Report Share Posted August 21, 2002 She has already broken the rules and values by dating a farang, having sex with him outside of marriage and then lying to her family about the marital status. ----------------------------------- JJ, you fall in the trap of mixing in old christian values. I have had GTGs as dates, even met their parents, And friends upcountry did the same with theirs. There is no taboo/rule against dating a farang out of wedlock. Sex outside of marriage: not so important. There may be thai guys who want to marry a virgin, but they will not look for her in BKK or Hua HIn, that's only because they'd expect a young girl from the village/district/county to have no previous "history". We are talking girls who are 15, 16 sin sodded from their parents, this one is 23: Once the bird is out of the Issan cage, well, she flies.... Like in the west, there maybe more conservative and racist people, but i do not find it a rule. I read his thread again, I may miss something but i failed to see where he said something about lying about marital status. Talking from experience, most of my friends live upcountry with a thai wife or GF. No real problem there. You may have examples to the contrary... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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