Your GF in bad company to?? *DELETED*

[JJsushi]

JJ, you fall in the trap of mixing in old christian values.

 

 

 

[color:purple] Judaeo Chistain values have nothing to do with my statement P127. I have had several relationships with girls who were brought up with "traditional" values whether they are from BKK or Issan. Sex out of wedlock is a concern for a young woman, even more so if her virginity is at stake. Thai women expect to be with Thai men unless they get some serious exposure to farangs and want to date outside of the box. A relationship with a Thai man is "normal", we are not talking about a cosmopolitan urban woman here looking to defy convention but a girl from the rural environs.

 

 

 

We don't know where the poster has met his GF or the circumstances. He did mention that she grew up in a traditional and strict family. Traditional and strict families don't believe in pre-marital sex and they don't understand the concept of being boyfriend and girlfriend without the eventuality of marriage, which is evident by the poster mentioning that his GF insists that he tells everyone in her village that they are married.

 

 

 

[color:black] "I read his thread again, I may miss something but i failed to see where he said something about lying about marital status. " color=black>

 

 

 

Here is gura's quote:

 

 

 

In reply to:

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For her family; we are husband and wife. My GF insists that if anyone asks I have to tell them that we are husband and wife even though we havent married yet. ..

 

 

 

Two years may not seem that long in farangland, but in a traditional Thai family you are basically husband and wife and expected to marry her soon.

 

 

 

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Maybe you overlooked my point. My point was that his GF has already exhibited behavior that is not considered the "norm" based on her strict and traditional upbringing, which is evident by the relationship she has with Gurua. Her interest in hanging with the women in the "scene" knowing what they do should not be shocking or alarming given that she has already broken with conventional behavior.

 

Ask our friend GTG would a "traditional" Thai woman regularly hang out with prostitutes in their places of business.

 

 

 

So, I do stand by my statement that she has broken some "traditional" rules and values.

 

Your take and experiences on this of course may be diferent.

 

 

[Guest]

JJsushi

 

 

 

You are right about that she have broken a lot of traditionally values, definetly. But her parents and family knows we are not married. To everyone else we meet (in Huahin as well) she says that we are husband and wife, and she wants me to do the same, otherwise she gets embarrassed (i think) anyway thats what she wants (another case of face..). Her familly is pushing us really hard to get married because they are ashamed about there girl living with a man without being married (i think again). On the other hand it's been two years now so...isn't it to late already?

 

_________________________

 

 

 

Gura,

 

 

 

I've seen your last post, and basically it is the dog's fault, so shoot the dog !

 

 

 

Seriously, get rid of the dog, so your GF can go back upcountry when you leave or go back to work.

 

________________________

 

 

 

I can clearly see youre point there and for sure it would make the situatin better. But to shoot the dog wont solve the problem. The problem is that i want to have a GF/wife who i can leave alone in the house for a couple of months without here dancing on the table while the cat is away (or however it goes) The problem is that i want my partner to be mature and responsible enough to use her free time in a sensable way and not do things totally against her and her families moral values, or at least not every day. She has plenty of friends upcountry who have husbands working in Saudiarabia and Israel and they stay away for two years, so i dont think two months is that bad.I am fine with she going to discos but as i sad not everyday. Once a week would be fine with me. but she has been out there everyday for two weeks now spending my money. When i point out to her that she must be spending some money in the disco's she says only 200-300 baht. Then i try to explain to her that 200-300 hundred baht everyday is 6000-9000 baht/month. Those money she could use in a better way and everyone would be happy. Then she tells me: But sometimes friend have farang by drink for we, and that really pisses me of. She is a pretty beutiful girl and nice to talk to as well and for sure many of the farangs are hoping to get something back for those drinks, which i have pointed out to her. But she's very naive about that and dont realise it. "no no he good man" yeah right! " i tell him i have husband already" which in many cases only mage the farang even more intrrested. Anyway if she continues like this her money will soon be finished. And when it comes down to it there is really not much i can do about it, so i have decided to let it rest and hope that her common sense will fall in and that this discodancing thing will pass.

 

 

 

Again thanks a lot everybody for your advices.

 

 

 

Gura

[pattaya127]

I just wonder if she was a virgin when Gura met her. Otherwise, apologies about missing the part where she lies, I guess 8.30 AM is pretty early and my only excuse. I am afraid that Gura may not be the only farang her parents are going to worry about now. This being said, it is obvious that the parents may wish their girls to behave as they did themselves 20/30 years ago, but the reality, once outside the village is indeed belying a set of values that is not currently too upheld by their kids once they fly on their own outsside of the village. Tradition is only good as far as it is...a tradition, not wishful thinking.

[soongmak]

JJ,

 

 

 

Many people in Thailand that I know off, never got married, But live together as wife and husband and proclaim to be husband and wife. I think marriage in itself is not a strict necessity to be respectable, but keeping up appearances is (the old face issue). I think you're making too much out of this, althoug in a strict, logical sense you are right.

 

 

 

cheers,

 

 

 

soongmak

[Guest]

I just received a call from my GF's mobile and she said she just came home from the disco. I told her that i wanted to talk with her and i will call her back because it is cheaper. No not today she says, i am tired and want to sleep. I could hear voices from the background and she said it was the TV, but it didnt sound like TV to me, especially not Thai tv. I am calling back now i said and hung up the phone. I Called and ofcourse no awnser. Next thing i sent an sms message to her mobile and said if you are not home in 15 minuites i will finish our relationship. I called back in 15 minuites and she awnsered.

 

I was ofcourse very angry, all my suspicions had proved right.

 

She cried and i was so upset i couldent talk with her, i told her to stay home today and tomorrow we will talk. She said okay and i told her again to stay home tonight, alright she says. 20 minuites later i called, NO REPLY!!! Unbelievable! I sent an SMS to her mobile, asking were she is of to? This is at 03:40 morning Thai time, where the hell is she going?

 

I called her mobile as well but it was turned off.

 

Now i dont know if she has been unfaithfull or not but it dosent matter, what ever she says i can not believe her. Now i know she tells lies and that ruins everything. Small white lies i can accept but nothing like that. Two years of good relationship is ruined. Working on ships i have to leave her alone at home and that will never work now that i know that she is lying to me, those two months at the ship gets unbearable (exscuse my spelling), if you cant trust your GF at home. Sitting on the bridge in the middle of the ocean and thinking about what she might be up to, it is torture.

 

The question is what do i do next? Tell her that were finished? I can see in front of me how she is selling of my DVD player and stereo and my motorbike and everything else.

 

I may be harsh but one lie like this, is one to many.

 

 

 

She called again just now and denied she have been out " terruk please please dont be angry me" she said several times as well. Well talk tomorrow i said and hung up the phone. My god they are experts to make one soft, but not this time.

 

 

 

Any advice what to do would be most appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Welcome to the real world.

 

 

 

I too had a girlfriend in Thailand when I was working 3 months on, 3 months off. After 2 years she convinces me to get US an apartment. (very nice one I must add) So when it is time to go back to work, I tell her that I'll pay the rent up front etc. etc. "Oh no", she replies"I'm not going to stay her alone. I need to wake up with people around me or I'll go crazy."

 

My experience tells me that Thai girls, especially from the villages are all like this. So, she won't sit home alone, even with the dog, waiting for you. It's not in their nature. Only possible solution I see is to insist she go home and live there when you are away. The family will make sure she doesn't go too far astray. After all they are practical people and you are their only future...more than you realize yet.

[jasmine]

This sounds like a child with a new discovery, nevertheless, I think it is risky at best. I love dancing (ballroom) and when I visit Thailand without my husband, I miss our weekly dance a lot. Reading this board makes me quite curious about Bangkok nightlife also, but I doubt that I would succumb to it.

 

 

 

Many Thai women need some company for the way the women are brought up to depend on families (parents, brothers, sisters, husbands and relatives) and some of them get very lonely without a family support. I have lived and worked in the West for over 30 years and I do miss my mother and brother, however, work and other interests keep me occupied.

 

 

 

I would communicate with her as clearly as possible. Being 23 years old is quite a young age, however if she is mature enough to know what being a man?s partner is, she should know and respect the partner?s feelings. I am not suggesting that she does everything you desire, however, a good communication is essential and understanding and even compromising can be worked out.

 

 

 

My brother who is a lawyer in Thailand said that so many young girls spend time in places where they should not be. I always wonder how they can afford those places. Sounds like taking classes or learning new skill is out of the question, I wish I had time to take classes, I will have to wait until I retire now I guess. She needs to know how lucky she is to have a partner like you and a family who is supportive. Bad comes to worse, I would ask her to take the dog and go to stay with her mother. Good luck.

 

 

 

Cheers!

 

 

[ThaiHome]

The only thing, other then breaking it off, is to indeed see if the disco phase passes. I would like to suggest one thing that may emphasize your obvious commitment to this girl and that is for you to suggest to her having a traditional wedding at the village. Keep in mind that in Thailand, the wedding ceremony and the wedding certificate are two separate things. If you are worried about the legal ramifications of a legal marriage, in Thailand you can be really married, without being legally married

 

TH

 

 

[check_bin_krap]

I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now.

 

 

 

Do not make any rash descisions. Try to avoid talking to her about it at all now, it will just make you more upset. Talk it over with friends and spend some time in the thinking box.

 

 

 

When you feel you have gotten a certain distance to it, make up your mind on what to do.

 

 

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

<The question is what do i do next? Tell her that were finished? I can see in front of me how she is selling of my DVD player and stereo and my motorbike and everything else.

 

I may be harsh but one lie like this, is one to many. >

 

 

 

Gura, be cool for now, you can't do nothing where you are. Sort it all out when you're back in Thailand. Considered getting your friend at the bar to talk to her?