B/G success rate?

[jasmine]

Hi,

 

Do you define success in the term of how many years ones have been married?

 

I have met may ex-prostitute who were married happily for the first few years and things changed. Just like many marriages, requirements and expectation change, mixed with peresonal habits and loneliness, many moved on. I knew a woman from Hua Hin who had been married and divorced 4 times who became an advisor on thai women who wanted to divorce.

 

I have not met any ex-BG or prostitutes who have been married more than 10 years, grant it, not many marriages in USA last more than 10 years.

 

What I have seen though, the Thai women who worked as houskeepers or factory workers in Thailand who have been quite successful. These women do not have much higher education that their ex-BG peers, but the attitude towards their husbands are quite different.

 

I am not trying to say no BG for a long term relationship, but many obstacles need to be worked out and it takes 2 to make a marriage work.

 

Will write more.

 

Jasmine

[Guest]

Says HIGH THAIED:

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Ok guys.....while there are lots of posts here regarding fellow posters who have been burned badly by a Thai B/G (B/G not being able/willing to remain faithful in a relationship), what is the real percentage of success in honestly commiting to taking a B/G out of the scene, and living happily ever after, wether staying in LOS, or taking out-of country?

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Here's a twist: I committed in the manner you suggest. She burned me real bad, the standard screw job that gets discussed here. But we made it through and we are still married -- very happily now in fact, more so every day. I think she's the most exciting, vibrant, strong, beautiful woman I have ever known and I'm proud as hell to be with her.

 

After weathering the storm my insight is that it is indeed VERY DIFFICULT for these relationships to endure and it's damn near impossible for me to imagine it working in a foreign country unless the couple has truly cemented their relationship for a period of some years staying in Thailand together first.

 

Now, other factors here are that I am financially relatively privileged, with stable employment in Thailand. So there's no issue with having to choose love over security or whatever, that can contribute to misplaced expectations and cause problems in these relationships. It's hard for me to say what effect this has in the overall picture.

[Guest]

What I have seen though, the Thai women who worked as houskeepers or factory workers in Thailand who have been quite successful. These women do not have much higher education that their ex-BG peers, but the attitude towards their husbands are quite different.

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And the difference is?

 

Wagner

 

 

 

[Guest]

Hi TTM,

 

>>>Hope it's not too late for me to admit. <<<<

 

Of course not. No problem. Honest mistake. Probably just my bad style of writing.

 

HT

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Hi Jaz,

 

>>>>>Do you define success in the term of how many years ones have been married?<<<<

 

In some ways, yes.

 

I initially wrote post because was curious as to how well a picture is really painted here on your possible success rate of living happily with ex-B/G without her digging out on you, or leading a secret life behind your back. Your last post was something that came to mind while composing...that maybe it's not that so many enter into a relationship with the intention of leaving. Maybe most have good intentions of making a commitment, but since they seem to not look to hard into the future, emotions can change quickly for them, because they *don't know how* to make a long-range commitment. Would explain the many posts of everything seemingly going fine, just to have Thai girl suddenly dissapear into another relationship without any warning, or punter suddenly discovering his sweety is also being 'sweet' to others.

 

Maybe factory Thai girl gets very little offers, compared to their B/G countertypes, so view their relationship with falang much more sacred. Also, their contact with falang is much less, so not constantly hearing/seeing stories of others striking it rich.

 

Incredibly complicated subject as to why long-term falang/BG relationships fail. 100's of reasons. One could be that many B/G's are so used to constant, varied, sexual stimulation, that being with one guy just can't cut it for them anymore. Eventually the honeymoon will be over, and the sexual desire will subside a little, as in all relationships, mostly due to familararity. She might truly miss the year, or two, that hungry, viagra induced, lust that was shown to her on a nightly basis, with men not able to get enough of her, and wanting to go three rounds with her every night.

 

But, I'm getting off my own topic. Why a B/G relationship probably won't work has been much discussed here. My initial question was: is it really as bad as we might think, or are we only hearing just the stories here with the negative outcomes.

 

HT

 

 

[ranma500]

I do believe that BG relationships can work, and have seen examples.

But I also think the odds are stacked against them.

 

Finding a decent Thai bargirl for a relationship is, I imagine, a bit like panning for gold. On many occasions it will lead nowhere, and sometimes it leads to great disappointment, and indeed on any given attempt, the chances of success are low, but when you succeed the rewards are great.

 

Why is it so difficult to make a BG relationship work?

 

Firstly, the various reasons that girls might become bargirls (I know it is an old and cliched subject, but it does affect a future relationship):

 

1. They are in desperate need of money.

2. They have become addicted to the lifestyle, and having cash that that they could never have had back home.

3. They have been pressured into it.

4. They see it as an easy option - a way of avoiding work in the ricefields, or in a hot sweaty kitchen, or on a foodstall in the sun, etc. etc.

5. They want to meet a farang who will take them away and give them a better life.

 

None of these motivations helps a relationship:

 

1. If they have commitments to their family and need to send money back home or to support children, this often becomes a burden on their husband also, and one that can be a source of a lot of argument.

2. An addiction to the lifestyle is hard to shake, and I think these girls can find it very hard to settle down to married life.

3. Girls who have been pressured - on occasions even sold into prostitution - can have a lot of emotional scars and be psychologically quite damaged.

4. Some girls are lazy, plain and simple. This laziness can extend to housework, cooking, attending school, finding a job, and might well become an irritation to the husband.

5. Girls who want to meet a wealthy farang and be looked after might find that they are in love with the husband's ability to look after them, but not the husband himself. This can lead to problems. And sometimes if the girl subsequently finds someone wealthier, they ditch the old husband.

 

I realise these are all generalisations, but I think these can be problems.

 

I also think that all humans are affected by the things they experience. Soldiers suffer trauma, news reporters find themselves desensitised to the things they witness, doctors sometimes admit to becoming remarkably desensitised to the pain and suffering they witness.

 

Thus it seems to me to be reasonable to expect that bargirls also are affected by their job. I think a steady stream of one-night relationships, a developed ability to fake affection, combined with the fact that they have seen at first hand the truth of men's almost inherent infidelity might change their value system.

 

But I think one also has to look at the men.

 

There are a lot of men, and I suspect (or hope) a lot on this board in particular, who are capable of having relationships in their own country, but simply prefer something about the Thai experience.

 

But, I'm sure we have also met a hell of a lot of people who quite frankly come to Bangkok because they can't get laid at home. Some of these people might be older, or perhaps unattractive physically, but be genuinely caring, sensitive people.

 

However, there remains quite a large amount of people who are social misfits, who lack social skills, lack sensitivity to others, lack the personality to attract women, or in some cases are just very odd.

 

I've met quite a few men who come to Thailand because they claim they like the subservience of Thai women. Well... I can't help thinking that a man who is looking for a servant is unlikely to find success in a true relationship.

 

Initially the language barrier hides men's true quirks of personality from the bargirls, but eventually they make themselves known, and the relationship breaks down.

 

What I am saying is that whatever it is that drives certain men to Thailand to find a relationship is sometimes an indicator that the man finds relationships hard. These men might convince themselves that a relationship with a Thai girl will be easier, but as we all know it most certainly isn't.

 

 

[think_too_mut]

>I've met quite a few men who come to Thailand because they claim they like the subservience of Thai women. Well... I can't help thinking that a man who is looking for a servant is unlikely to find success in a true relationship.

 

Subservant? Maybe, first few hours or days. Go deeper than that and you'll see that no farang woman can give you such a hell of an argument or fight.

 

That could be another reason for break-ups : nice smile and "look after you" may hide a most ferocious temper one has ever experienced. Couple that with a "shy" or not very self-confident man and there we are...

 

[BrideSearch]

Says Goodthaigirl:

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Some one mentioned the mail order bride (ie. introduction agencies)

 

But then again I don't know if they are any ex bgs among the selection?

 

Any first hand experience ?

 

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I have seen pictures of prostitutes on some of the MOB/Intro. sites. In at least one case I had taken the picture that was posted.

 

Bs

[Guest]

Hi ranma500,

 

Very good post.

 

want to meet a wealthy farang and be looked after might find that they are in love with the husband's ability to look after them, but not the husband himself. And sometimes if the girl subsequently finds someone wealthier, they ditch the old husband. This was particularly well put. And of course, I'm sure on occasion, the opposite happens and she ends up in love later on, where she was not, in the beginning. But because of all the other B/G negatives (some mentioned below), I think this to be much less likely to happen, as opposed to a western relationship, where these other factors are generally not present.

 

can have a lot of emotional scars and be psychologically quite damaged. Probably more than is generally recognized.

 

An addiction to the lifestyle is hard to shake, and I think these girls can find it very hard to settle down to married life. I think a HUGE factor. A problem that might compound itself because the girl, herself, may not realize the exstent of her own addiction until well out of the scene. Seems many just can't let go of their customer list, or not secretly stay in e-mail contact with them. And when they get a call (or email) one is in town, sometimes just can't help themselves from meeting them. That would tell you they are willing to throw away a committed, live-in, financially stable relationship for just a few thousand baht. Wouldn't make sense for her. The addiction factor would better explain her actions, more than simple greed. IMO. Just one more factor blocking the success rate.

 

HT

[cardinalblue]

I have always wondered about this. I hvae been involved in a couple of agencies and probably have met about 20 girls. My take is that it is a rare bird indeed that has any type of prostitution past. Sure, they will be exceptions but it will be very very small numbers.

 

The agencies themselves try very hard to keep hookers out because their reputation is at stake.

 

I do know one girl who belonged to an agency but had no luck and eventually went into the business. Yet, she hates it and her objective is to find someone to take care of her as she is more relationship oriented than trying to generate money.....currently, she has found someone but I don't expect it to last as the guy is a butterfly and a drunk combined with being a highly controllable jealous low self-esteem personality ..........I wish she could meet a decent guy as she is a girl that has a lot going for her......a nice girl.

 

cardinalblue