Are TGs mentally damaged by Prostitution?

[jacko]

It is hard to criticise such a benevolent soul - but I must say you deserve more respect from your MPGF.

The money you give her needs to be treated with more respect.

She should be intensely grateful that her daughter has the opportunity to a better life.

 

This girl has respect for neither you nor your cash.

 

Think long and hard my friend - I still do not see a happy ending.

It will all end in tears. ::

[ptyrider]

I for one can certainly understand helping the child. About 4 years ago I broke up with my then TGF, a BG whom I'd met at a go-go, for the usual reasons re: her handling of my money. However, she had one wonderful little girl who loved me like crazy. I couldn't bear to think what would certainly happen to her. I agreed to support the child if Momma would get a straight job. She did; she makes less money than before. I put the child in decent private Thai schools, including boarding schools. They aren't very expensive, so I pay all in all around 5,000THB/mo. This includes sending her to camps like YMCA between school terms. I never pay Momma, unless she has a receipt and I see the goods; I pay the schools and vendors directly. I also write long letters full of advice and have them translated into Thai and sometimes even recorded for her listening.

 

I must say (to my own pleasant surprise) it's been one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had--so far. She's done quite well in school, won an award for being #1 in English, has perfect manners and a great attitude (ten times better than that of the offspring of my friends back home), and treats me with utmost respect and regard as she would her real father (deceased). Just a great all-around, beautiful kid. I have a lot of confidence right now that she's gonna make it. If not, then, well, I tried my best, and it was a good use of my money.

 

It's not often you have the chance to turn around a destiny so completely and so positively. If you get that chance, by all means go for it.

 

Having said that, I have a hard time imagining doing it any way other than the way I'm doing it. I'd not throw money at the family. As soon as possible, and as much as possible, I'd get the kid away from the worthless low-class family who will just waste your money and teach the kid the wrong values anyway. At boarding school she's take care of, supervised, and living among kids from better families.

 

[Guest]

Very, very cool, ptyrider.

 

That really is a very well thought out approach. Excellent. You done good! And you are right, you have changed that little girls life forever. No one can take away her education, or privleged environment, that is now shaping her impressional young mind, and which will remain with her forever.

 

Just thinking, but it would be pretty cool for this board to start a fund for some Thai kids in really bad shape. Even just $10/month donations from us (each) would change a lot of lives. Would take a few expats to varify situations, and set up boarding school entrance. $10 US in nothing to many of us. I'd love hearing monthly progress reports, and be able to participate in something like this.

 

Maybe have an "Adopt a Thai Kid" program, where groups of ten members get together, and fund a child? 10 members X $10US = 4,300 baht. Set up a forum where each group can report on progress/problems, etc. Each group would be headed by an 1 expat, who could report to rest of group what is needed, as each of us makes our way over there. Maybe KS would relax the rules for photo's for this forum, if a member(s) takes 'their' kid out for lunch and shopping, while visiting. Good fun, and what a difference we could make to so many young lives.

 

What makes this unique is there is no fear that funds will be squandered. Boarding school will be paid directly, and extra contibutions (clothing, med's, etc.) by individual members, can distributed directly to child in his/her forum group, either by expat leader, or one of the 10 visiting member sponsers.

 

I'm liking this idea, a lot. It was pretty amazing how we came together for the server fund. Well...we have it now. So let's do something really good with it.

 

Comments?

 

HT

[jp1]

HT,

 

great idea, please count me in. Hope a lot of members on this board will contribute.

 

Happy New Year to you.

 

 

[Guest]

Hi JP1,

 

We'll see the reaction here. If positive, then I'll post in general. I really do see this as such a great thing for us to initiate. My gosh, our collective resourses here are so enormous. The good that could come from something like this is.......it's simply beyond any words, that I know of.

 

HT

[jp1]

HT,

 

I think we've to wait until after New Year 'cause there are not so many members right now posting on this board. Maybe they're in Thailand right now and have better things to do.

 

Let's hope that at least some 30 to 40 members will actively participate. Share your opinion that this would be incredibly good.

[Guest]

Project name: Strange Farang Foundation (SFF). Born from initail post from ptyrider, who is a stranger, with only 13 posts. Foundations name would need to address him in some manor, if comes to frutation.

 

Also need to find out about legal ramifications that this might impose on KS. Things do work differently in LOS, but I can't see this effort, as anything but a good thing, for everybody concerned. Pretty hard to shoot down a board supporting Thai children in trouble, and disadvantaged, by circumstance. Certainly lends an ear towards credibility.

 

HT

 

 

[mycoxifloppin]

HT,

 

I have been "lurking" for the past few months and this is a GREAT IDEA.

It's an idea like this that can have this forum make a huge difference in

the life of a Thai family. Please count me in.

 

Regards,

'floppin

[Guest]

Obviously the idea is great, but I think doing this in a way that is in any way related to this board is a terrible idea. do I really have to lay out the reasons why?

[ptyrider]

Wow, what an idea. And thanks for the kind words. For anyone who wants to attempt something like what I'm doing, I can make the following observations as to method, based on my experience:

 

This way of helping is quite doable but it does take some dedication. Various unforeseen problems arise, as they always do when you're dealing with people, and here you're also dealing with another culture and language. Much depends on how much cooperation from the family you get. If you get very little, it's better just to walk away.

 

Some screening of candidates for help has to happen. You have to sense that a kid deserves more and will use the opportunity to improve himself. In fact, you need to make it clear to the kid that you're above all helping him to help himself and if no progress is being made with regard to academics and character, or your help not appreciated, then sorry, you'll just have to help someone else more deserving.

 

Thai boarding schools are a mixed lot. In a given area most locals will know only of the very best ones where the richest kids go. For the names and locations of the cheaper ones, such as St. Mary's in Chonburi or Srisuwit in Laem Chabang, you have to sniff around; they don't do a lot of advertising. Some, like St. Mary's, are not actually boarding schools, but decent private dorms are located quite nearby. At these, dorm conditions can be pretty spartan, but not necessarily much less spartan than the kid's home environment. The important thing here is that the kid is away from that home environment, taken care of, and with other kids whose parents are successful enough to afford this for their own.

 

The dorms impose pretty good discipline: a mandatory study period after school, not too much TV, and lights out. Most kids would of course much rather be at home where chaos reigns. The key to adjusting seems to be the ability to make friends for mutual support. Could a kid board with a middle-class Thai family rather than in a dorm? Highly unlikely in this society, given your kid's family background. I've found from my limited experience with one kid that even a year or so of the boarding experience is extremely beneficial.

 

For obvious reasons a sponsor can never be alone with a kid. Whenever I see my sponsored kid, I insist her Momma or another adult be present, and most of the time we all meet in a public place.

 

At the appropriate time, a most useful document to create, interactively or pseudo-interactively, is the Goals and Promises document. The Goals section lists where the kid is going: basically, a life with respect, dignity, and security. The Promises section lists the methods by which he/she'll get there: study and work hard, have good character, manners, and morals, avoid bad behavior in particular borrowing/lending money, gambling, lying, cheating, stealing, abusing one's body, taking advantage of *farangs :-) etc.--stuff that nobody's ever told him. The kid signs off on all this and then at intervals you review the document together. Hence the questions of Why and How are always answered.

 

Realistically, the matter of petty but necessary expenses will arise especially when the kid's home, and there's just no perfect way of handling that if you're not always around. Here cooperation becomes quite important. The best way I've found (which is great for transferring to one's TGF as well) is this: open up an account w/ very small balance for the kid at, say, SCB or Bangkok Bank w/ ATM card and internet access. Get the internet user ID and password to the kid's account so that you can check it at any time. Let Momma know that you're monitoring that account and if she takes out more than is needed or doesn't actually use it as agreed, you won't transfer any more. Say she rings up asking for 300 baht for new school sports shoes: you put 300 baht in the account, check for the withdrawal, and then check for the shoes or receipt at the next meeting.

 

Now, if you're gonna be very remote sometimes, you can open up a similar internet account for yourself at the bank, then add the kid's account as one of the accounts to which you can transfer money from your account via the internet. This is great because you can transfer small amounts at little or no cost. Although I've heard some negative buzz around here about internet banking in Thailand, it seemed to me that the posters either didn't understand how to use it properly or expected too much of it. Me, I've found that it works flawlessly at Bangkok Bank for basics like checking your balance and transfers to accounts within the bank that you've set up for transfers. 'Nuff said by me on this; if you're interested, just work with the bank until you've got it all down.

 

Hope that's helpful to those who are interested in trying this. It's a risk, financially and emotionally; but the rewards can be so great. These days, every time I meet my sponsored kid, I'm astonished at how far she's come, how different she is from her other family members. She's such a joy. May it last; and may this method work for others.