drogon Posted May 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 His last mail and analysis. (with the help of his wife) -------------------------------------------------- I gave my opinion throughout, it was important for me to be impartial and look at the facts on the table. You arrived at a decision out of your own without being coached. You are now almost 100% sure you know what needs to be done. In a court of law they would call this reasonable doubt. You have proved beyond all reasonable doubt that *** refuses to live a normal life. She rejects: - a good man who loves her and will take care of her financially. - a house for her mother - a condo for herself - big money in the bank - birthday gift + allowance. - golden opportunity to once again life a normal life. - a chance to see the world. Her priorities - she wants freedom - she wants to stay in bar - she wants to try her luck with other men before she's old. About her: The good - she has incredible qualities - she's honest - she can be faithful (she was during one year with you) - she's not greedy About her: The bad - she seems quite insecure - she wants the upper hand in a relationship. - she attacks rather then sit and address problems (somewhat abusive personality). - her attitude is similar to other bargirls who try and make maximum profit from each guy. - she might be on an "eldorado" quest - she has no idea of the value of money. - she feels comfortable being a bargirl. - she can't be faithful (despite being given security and an opportunity to leave the bar). - will not compromise on anything (it's all or nothing). About her: The ugly - she will meet more assholes who lie and view bargirls as "fuckholes" - at 29 she will never get a rich Thai husband as she's a bargirl. - she might forever dream about her charming prince. - she might end up like many 40 year old bar girls wondering where her next meal might come from (if she's unlucky) - she could have a bitter pill to swallow if she can't use her body as a commodity no more. For you: - feeling used - having to be faithful and lonely. - being in debt. - being played. This equation does not balance out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTO Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 Surely <<- a good man who loves her and will take care of her financially.>> Is subjective? it's a matter of personal taste? You make it sound like she is stupid not to love you and want you? She's not a object she's a human with choice - and even the poor have choice as your discovering. I actually think all the rest of her "Rejects" are good traits of her's yet their presented as negatives - She REFUSES to let you "buy" her and that's a bad thing? Her priorities seem fine - she's looking for someone better than you - it may hurt to be rejected by a whore - but they have the right to choose someone they think is better as your painfully discovering. Nothing personal I've written how it happened to me One of the few things I agree with is his last line! Really - they are NOT slaves or children who need to be rescued - they are Humans with their own "work" and choices and plans for life. Get over it, YOUR not the answer (Hardest thing to understand - I KNOW) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 Drogon, I think your friend is on the money, I'd read the missive over and over...the bad and ugly far outweigh the good...A very damaged manipulative lady, incapable of forming close loving attachments...people who have been abused and received no 'help' or treatment are not able to maintain relationships, their anger always re-emerges later, via destructive behaviour, whether it be cheating or manipulation, depression or personality disorder, more often than not, all of these. This lady, whilst I'm sure has her charms and qualities, must be left alone to find her own way. Get involved at your peril, she wont be the one who loses out in the end...she'll take you to places emotionally, you don't want to go. You will be sucked dry and you might not survive the experience.... I'd furthermore suggest examining aspects of your own personality. We are drawn to 'types' for a reason...whilst it may seem bizarre that you would seek out a controlling manipulative individual to have a relationship with, it's most likely due to a deficit in your own personality, which needs addressing. Before you are able to have a worthwhile relationship with someone who is your equal, you need to do some work on yourself...look at your family and the relationships/dynamics within...the answer is there... Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 I've seen some BGs who were eurasian or half american. I wonder if their father knows what they're doing? I just can't fathom a daughter of mine as a BG but there has to be a case or two out there where a guy knew his daughter was a BG, isn't there? As for the post, damn I'm glad I'm a cynical, selfish bastard with trust and committment issues. It has served me well in Thailand and other places for the most part. Dating american women, especially black american women is a good training program as well. I know I can still be caught up and fall in love. That can happen to anyone but reading stories like that makes it a wee bit less likely. I can't fault some guys. We're a product of our culture. Unfortunately, chivalry and 'doing the right' thing is seen as a weakness of sorts to a lot of these BGs. Two cultures meet and the one with less scruples will win out in the short term, but not the long term. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted May 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 True chocolate steve. Unfortunately for me, in years of mongering I never became emotionally involved and this time I had to fall (very deeply) for this lady. What kept me with her for so long? Not the sex, not her beauty but her sincerity and honesty....which for some time blinded me to the downside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Some may say see what I'm about to write has something that has scarred me and others in my neighborhood with regards to relationshiop with women but ever since I was young, there was always a pimp or two around and they made it known love was a weakness. Then there was the talk on the street corner in the inner city. Its sort of a rite of passage when you get old enough to hang out with the older guys on the corner sipping beer or cheap wine and the talk is always sports, women or money. When it came to women, if I could sum up the recurrning theme in in the vernacular at the time it was "...bitches ain't shit...". The first thing you learned was not to trust them. You made the exception for your mom but basically I was sdvised to distrust them when I hit puberty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coss Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 "I was advised to distrust them when I hit puberty." Wish someone had told me that. Cheers Coss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YimSiam Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 I like CTO's angle - a woman doesn't have to be damaged, stupid or unreasonable to turn down an offer, no matter what the offer. She may not have handled the situation very well in getting to the point they're at now, but it seems pretty clear it's just not the right match. (I hate to say it, but what if, hypothetically, the guy was a total dickhead who just happens to have some money? In her line of work the thing to do would be milk him a bit and then split. In all of the evaluation of her, there's none of him -- his inability to understand her attachment to bar life, etc.) While I don't know the situation and may be reading incorrectly, this second line seems to indicate that the perspective was fucked to begin with: "Yes she's prepared to work towards making things better. The religion issue can only be resolved if we move to another country, away from her parents." So we aim at separating her from her family in order to reach a desired outcome regarding her religion... Change her profession and social behaviour... Certainly expect her fashion to change... and wonder why she might hesitate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted May 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 The religion line is about my friend's own case.... Was too late to edit it. (he is married to a Muslim and has his own problems) I agree with CTO: A woman has always the liberty to turn a man down. This is not the case: In the end: She is damn honest and it is turning quite crazy If she gets her financial security: - She will leave the bar immediately. - She will not leave me or divorce me. But: - She says that she can not promise to be faithful This is not a matter of not wanting money/financial security, this is another more complex problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robaus Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Your story reminds me of myself about 20 years ago when I was in a relationship with a very intelligent, attractive, financially independent but emotionally damaged Aussie girl. She adored her mum, hated her father. I kept off the piss and used to run 10 kms every day, in order to stay trim taut and terrific for her. My heart would miss a beat whenever the phone rang in case I was being summoned around to her place, where sheâ??d play mind games with me. She used to treat me like a doormat, but I kept coming back for more and more. I actually proposed to her in bed one Sunday morning on 2 conditions. She immediately got on the phone to her mum, and said, â??Hey, thereâ??s a crazy bloke here who wants to marry me. But get this, Mum, he not only insists that I actually love him, but he wants me to be faithful too!â? They both had a giggle at my expense. Then a few months later while I was on one of my runs, I suddenly had a blinding Road to Damascus type revelation: â??I may as well be in love with Marilyn Monroe, because Marilyn wouldnâ??t reciprocate my love either.â? In an instant I was cured and empowered. We broke up amicably shortly afterwards. Months later she rang me from London asking me to marry her because she was having trouble getting a work permit, cheeky cow. Bumped into her again a few years later. But sheâ??d stacked on a heap of weight and I didnâ??t even fancy rooting her anymore, let alone put up with her moodiness. Itâ??s very hard to advise someone whoâ??s in love. Itâ??s a form of temporary madness. I went through a similar process again with a bargirl 8 years ago and it ended in tears. I must be a slow learner. Simply ask yourself this: will she ever similarly be in love with you in the true western sense: for better for worse, for richer for poorer, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others,.. etc Clichéd but very powerful words. My two satangs worth. Walk away, mate. Heed your friendâ??s advice. If you feel thereâ??s something wrong in the relationship, then there probably is something wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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