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Nervous God

God and the Devil do Khon Kaen

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Or The Good the Bad and the Ugly, or perhaps, God Devil and Archangel Chapstick.

 

Which ever!

 

Had to go to Khon Kaen which has always been a fav city of mine. But to be honest I had never really had the chance to explore the seedier side, to find those missing fallen angels, so with my 2 side sticks, we took on Khon Kaen.

 

Finding a Hotel was oddly difficult, with the "international local government conference" being held in town. The holy spirit declined where the devil and I stayed, he was looking for somewhere more suitable for a man of mystery the a holy spirit is.

 

First day/evening was good, our angels, pointed out a soapy opposite the hotel, which we had failed to notice, and gave us permission to visit while they went shopping. Evil angles they are as they must have known it was in keeping with the dinosaur capital of Thailand theme Khon Kaen has, the soapy was inhabited only by dinosaurs. A truly ugly bunch of relics once whores. (A small plug here for Kiwi Cafe, great spot) (New Zealanders will get that)

 

Still this gave us the excuse to pull a "Flash" and investigate the lake side, a place we had been told frequented by girls in tight Uni Uniforms. Not a lot available, but there was enough talent there, more importantly for the angels, a good market, but to our surprise when we called to ask them to come shopping the angels didn't want to come to the market and shop! Instead they claimed to be distracted by a lesbian bar!

 

So we sat in a nice bar, after a walk and drive around the town, and drank for a while. Nice staff, who all came running whenever I used the Laos words for "Bring Beer"

 

"Tilac Jaar" always works when I need beer at home, or a gay boy.

 

The 3rd wheel of of triumvirate showed up in true Catholic fashion, maybe we should be called the father the son and the holey ghost, god knows the 3rd person had brought enough alter wine!

 

So off to the walking street, always great food, where we popped a bottle of quality alter wine to the amusement of the angels and walking street people. Nothing like Fluffy catfish and Aussie Red wine!

 

The second bottle had a cork, so the girls elected to go shopping . . . . . again . . . . so the three of us departed to a bar we where sure we could get a screw!

 

Turns out the 3 girls and katoey remembered us but didn't have a screw between them so off they went on a motorbike, leaving us with Beer Chang to cool ourselves while we waited.

 

It took them 30 minutes to screw the alter wine open, takes me only 3 minutes on a good day!

 

Dedication such as that needed rewarded, so the dumber one of our party very sneakingly handed over a 100 baht note. The dumb one knows I am against heavy tipping, regardless how cute the dek serve so I didn't notice, however just then from the tree above us large seeds dropped on us.

 

A strange heavenly omen meaning what I wondered? Looking up into the tree we saw nothing, yet again what seemed to be large seeds and sticks fell upon us.

 

The Angels called shortly after, lucky as we didn't want to be seen flirting with 3 dek serves and a katoey!

 

Off back to the hotel, a few more night caps before going asleep.

 

These night caps took the devil and me to a area we had passed earlier in the day, a Soi with dodgy buildings marked with a dyslexic devil "999". Devil and I both laughed, knowing it should be 666!

 

So we went back this evening, and found a bar on the corner where young girls in tight dresses waved down passing cars.

 

Parking and upon walking to the bar, the affects of the alter wine began to clear and we realized the young girls where one girl aged 28, another 39, and a third to fat to judge or care her age.

 

Feeling still intoxicated with the holy spirit, we sat and chewed the fat with a whore who's English was great, as you'd expect from someone who'd been fucking white men for a good part of last century. Never once where we asked to buy a drink, and as time went on, she idly suggested, "Any one of us you can take, 500 baht, including air con room"

 

I asked how much without the girl, explaining the difficulty of finding a room, but never got a clear answer.

 

Friday, the next day we had some missionary work to do, which took us on roads that made the red sea crossing seem easy.

 

We met a women older than Moses, and as instructed by the holy spirit gave her 100 baht for Lao Koa, turns out the holy spirit had never bought her a drink once! But uses unsuspecting guests to do his duties! The Holy Ghost is sneaky!

 

We left the Holy Spirit to his duties in the this distant village and went back to Khon Kaen with our angels.

 

With the girls off . . . . shopping, we continued our research in where do white men drink in KK?

 

We found the "Seven Bar" which used to be SVEN bar until Sven died and someone not called Sven boght it and to avoid being called Sven added a "E".

 

Parking the car outside the dearly departed Svens Bar, we saw around the corner a odd site, a Laundry Mat, with tables out front, with a few blokes drinking.

 

Given there where only a few blokes mourning the now late Sven's place, we thought, lets go drink in the Laundry

 

SO off we went.

 

What a bloody joy! A GREAT place to drink, and we where NOT the first to discover the charms of drinking while getting you're clothes washed or a shirt ironed. A nice crowd slowly joined being Friday late afternoon.

 

Knowing how annoying it is to sit with whinging English teachers, we checked first because as we told the people drinking, nothing worse than drinking with English Teachers.

 

"None of you guys are those whinging English Teachers" asked the devil smiling.

 

With Silence as a answer, what a great introduction, but turns out unlike Surin, these teachers where pretty good fun to be with. Must have been the venue making them happy for once! Dam nice blokes.

 

So we sat and drank a few rounds, 90 baht a 1 litre jug, with free nuts to nibble, now you know why I created Katoeys.

 

We found out, apart from where Sven's ghost rests, up and around the corner was the main Farang bar drag. A few more jugs and we parted the waters and wondered up that way.

 

Pretty amazing to discover 6 other farang bars, each with less people than the Laundry! Their only attraction was some cute dek serves looking very bored.

 

We also discovered the area we'd been in last night with the upside down 666's was called Soi 5, where a fuck costs 2-300 baht, and lasts 10 minutes, not knowing what I'd do with the extra 7 minutes it seems a good deal. Apparently the girl just lifts her dress and away you go, no need for a hotel! With that I worked out the hotel room must be 200 a night from the previous evening, if I had partaken of course, cheap including air!

 

The Angles called, so collected them and took them to the laundry, they loved it as you can get women's clothes made there while you drink as well!

 

Turns out the owner and wife are from the town up the road from me.

 

Enough of being clean and drunk, dinner called.

 

The devil is always in the details, but a great dinner by the lake managed to drag on long enough for the angels to get worried they'd miss their soap opera.

 

That left the devil and I free to go and see if the few cute creatures sitting alone in the other farang bars were still alone.

 

Turns out they were. Now - if you have a bar, it costs nothing more to hire a good looking dek serve. In this country, with so many cute girls, you really need to go out of your way to hire ugly ones. I'm not asking for whores, just someone pleasant to chat with. So we found a place with the same empty bar stools as before, and 2 hot dek serves. As you'd expect for a Friday night!

 

Sitting down, we quickly discovered the owner must have had his green farang eyes on the dek serves, they were not allowed to talk to customers, making ordering difficult, and a very empty sad bar, like many of the other Farang bars.

 

Seems the only successful bar, was the laundry!

 

Leaving the empty bar after one round, we spotted the flag of god's own country and staggered over.

 

Under a large Southern Cross we found 2 attractive ladies, wanting to ply us with beer.

 

Feeling in need of a pizza, we ordered one first then sat down to drink when suddenly the bar owner, a nice gal of about 28, said

 

"I know you, your John the saddist"

 

I was a tad stunned, the devil smirked, and she went on to describe incidents I had, err, forgotten, from another city far far away. Lost angels found.

 

Ahhh

 

Khon Kaen, great town!~

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Indeed....a great City....my first ever visit....but definitely not my last.... It's a "Devil's" paradise...and with God as a tour guide....how could you go wrong...

 

...and a fantastic few days of fun....with great company....

 

Thanks again to Chappy, who provided the Altar wine to get us "fueled" for the missionary work we felt the need to undertake....

I may even disguise myself next time....I think a white shirt and a bicycle will do the trick....and throw them off the track....lol

 

My hearing is not so good.....and I thought that wench said to you.....I know you....you're John the Baptist....

 

But when she knelt in front of you ....and kissed your ring.........finger........... I knew there was something kinky going down.....but I'm totally naive when it comes to kinky stuff.... 5555555

 

Now I know why you were carrying that large bag with you....and had a whip poking out of your back pocket....

 

...yeah...got busted bad...giving that little cutie a Tip..... still lucky it was a 100 Baht note....and not the "other" tip

 

The "Angels" cracked up when we told them they had to go back and ask for it back.....cos I only gave it to her on the proviso she showed me her tits.... and seeing they got back early...they blew it for me....lol

 

The worst thing that came out of the "Adventure" is.....thanks to YOU....My "Angel" now calls me Dum Cnut..........

 

That dodgy Soi with all the 99's and 999's was amazing.....some dogs...for sure....but a handful of VERY pretty young girls

 

The "Laundry" Bar was unreal..... a tiny little place but had twice the number of customers as anywhere else we went..... Including us & the Angels I counted over 15 at one point....fantastic

 

A great host....and nice people to meet and have a beer with....

His wife had Customer service down to a T....complementary peanuts...(the good ones) with 90 Baht jugs was superb

 

 

I think we need to continue our work.....spreading the word....as a team we're offering 'em....the best of both worlds

 

 

Cheers DC

 

 

 

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You are welcome for the sacred beverage.

 

You will both be happy to know that the "vessle" was properly Christened, and is now suitable for use by one and all.

 

Oh, and granny wants to know when you two will come for a visit again. Hamsom falang mak mak!

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Kiwi Cafe is worth a strong recommendation.

 

Looks like a purpose built building, on the lake, free good wifi,

 

Real coffee and cakes made by someone who knows what they are doing,

 

Hot Latte 50baht, cakes from 25 - 60 baht a slice.

 

The Whisky Cake was a obvious fav of ours!

 

Food good and cheap, fish and chips 130 baht, burger 110 - 130 baht

 

All in all a great spot and cheap as mentioned while quality better than Starbucks IMHO

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Absolutely better than Starbucks....100% (sorry...just for Coss...I wanted to say 120%)

Food quality was very good...( real chups !!!....even)

Coffee was 1st class..... Real Coffee

...and the cakes (made on premises... we even saw one of the girls whipping the icing...) WOW !!!

 

Service was friendly, efficient & extremely pleasant....so much so that we visited something like 5 times in 2 & a half days.....

Whoever set this place up, REALLY knows what they are doing.....and how to do things properly....IMHO

 

Just wish it was closer to home.....

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Food good and cheap, fish and chips 130 baht, burger 110 - 130 baht

 

Now you have my attention!! How was the burger :drool: big fries? or the kind you have to find with a microscope?

 

W

 

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