thalenoi Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 My gf doesn't tell much about her past, but she surprised me last night under the shower whilst soaping me (strange place and moment to start confidence-talk) Maybe the fact we are leaving tonight for her native village to attend her older sister's marriage brought some remembrances. Suddenly she mentionned both her mother and father beat her up frequently when she was a kid, whenever she did something wrong. This lasted until she was 18 years old. At he age of 13 she had to work to bring money to the parents. Her father told her if one month she would not bring money to the house he would not consider her to be her daughter any more. She had to take care of the buffallo at the same age. From what she explained she had to make sure the buffallo did not eat something he could get sick of. The buffallo got sick one day and her father told her if the buffallo died he would kill her. She was very frughtened and believed what her father told her. Then she confessed she thought killing herself by taking some medecine, but was unable to get some. Our relationship lasts 15 months now and I have no reason to doubt about what she is telling me. I am shocked to find out some parents still might believe beating-up their children is the right thing to do. But then I suppose this also occurs today in the western world. Although we have hardly words, when sometimes we argue about something she gets scared. I think I understand now why, also why she claims she does not like thai men. When arguing, her tone quickly rises to aggressive levels and I always ask her to calm down because I don't like arguments to turn towards violence. She then says :"sorry, sorry", but I also understand now where she is coming from. I am sure I will have a cold look at her parents when I will meet them for the second time this wednesday. I know they indentured my gf and her older sister for 100k each to pay for the house they are living in. Last year I gave 40k baht to the parents under pressure. Just one month ago they phoned the gf to ask for an other 10k and she refused. I am glad the gf is having other priorities moneywise (I offered her to buy a piece of land and hope the money set aside until now will effectively be used to that effect) I suspect she has a love/hate relationship with her parents. On one side the obligation of respect and care, on the other side disguest for past suffering. I am sure she is marked by such a harsh education. I am affraid this "education system" is still in practice in this country. Has any one else heard similar stories? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Hi, "Has any one else heard similar stories?" Yes, but luckily none concerning my wife. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Says thalenoi: Has any one else heard similar stories? Physical abuse from the parents? I personally don't know of any Thai women being subjected to that or maybe I should clarify and say that none of the women have revealed it to me and even if I had suspicions I never asked because I can understand how painful such memories can be. I am not a therapist equipped to treat such pain. I do know of some women who have confided in me that they have been verbally abused by their parents. The abuse was in the form of telling the women that they were horrible daughters, how they are useless, how the parents sacrificed for them and that the parents were ashamed of them, etc. Basically you major guilt complex. The damage is evident when you witness the low self esteem that some of these women have. Sometimes we think that it is lack of money or laziness is what forces some of these women to not pursue their dreams but in many cases it is the parents that crushed their dreams from the beginning. I have met quite a few women who wished to finish their schooling but didn't; not because the family couldn't afford it but rather the parents felt a couple of years were enough and the father refused to sign the neccessary documentation for the girls to proceed in their schooling. Some have confided to me that they avoid speaking to the parents and visiting their homes because of the pain inside of them. There really is in some cases a love hate relationship going on and sometimes just plain hate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Not so much physical violence. But GF was not allowed to go to school and worked constantly. She is the oldest and the others got new clothes from the rice and opium she harvested (LONG ago), but she got none except what she could beg from the younger kids that were worn out. Told her it was because they didn't like her. Parents finally sold her. I was told all this about 1 year ago. She asked if she could stop at a shop in Mae Hong Son and try on a Karen dress. Said she didn't want to buy it just see herself in it. I already knew it was 200 baht. I said "anything you want" and she broke down and cried for hours. Why? She thought that meant same same as "you want everything" and reminded her of those bad times. Took all afternoon for her to get over it. She eventually had it confirmed by her Engish teacher that it was a good thing. Now she is the only child that still respects and obeys the parents. Go figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 >Has any one else heard similar stories? Not about beating but another example of terrible parenting: My gf was left alone to look after the house and some animals while the entire family was working in Cambodia, cooking food for rubie miners. For almost 2 years, at age of 4.5, she was alone, far from family, day and night. 300 bahts per month for all her needs. Initially, the neighbours helped her but not for long. (Shit, I can imagine a storm beating over the tin shed and a little girl in there, alone). When school started (Paul Pot reign was in for more than a year then) her family was back but the damage was done. The fear of being left out and unloved manifests in one way or another on at least weekly basis. (It's not only that but you can imagine her reaction when I said - "going to Nana (Woodstock) to meet friends") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledonk Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 My Chinese GF claims that her father beat her regularly as a child, because she was 'naughty'. This got worse as she got older and started rebelling against his dictatorial rule, to the point where he beat her so badly that she couldnt go to work for a couple of days : this snapped him out of it and now she just gets the 3rd degree when she comes home. Gotta wonder exactly what she told the parents when she went away for over a week with me last year : must have been a doozy. Strange to see someone in their mid-twenties given this sort of treatment, but it seems that Asian parents dont let go quite so easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 That is rough! Not near as bad, but I went on a trip with GF a few years ago. Her mother stayed with kids 13 and 7. We called the next day from Krabi andmom had gone home (dad was sick) and left kids to fare for them selves. No one involved thought this was a big deal (except me). Here is a photo that would get parents jailed in any western country. Kid on his way to school in a shipping channel in Cambodia last year! http://a2.cpimg.com/image/9A/0D/15412122-376a-02000180-.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 >Here is a photo that would get parents jailed in any western country. Kid on his way to school in a shipping channel in Cambodia last year! Horrible indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirit_of_town_hall Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 What an awful set of circumstances. I suppose maltreatment of children occurs in any country / society where this is acute poverty. I wouldnt go and see them if I were in your position. STH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 >I wouldnt go and see them if I were in your position. Ill advice. A major cause for a fight with a TG. The respect they have for their parents can not be understood by us. One can hardly do anything about that. Look at this: a crusty bg, supported by 3 farangs, 80-110K Baht per month. When I asked her why does not she settle with one of them - the answer was: "My father have mia noi, she wants everything. If I don't give him money, he'll sell the house (built by her farang) and make many problems". That is where it gets hard. You don't get into it or, if you are already in, you want to be out...but how? The only way out is -forgetting her. One thing I managed to achieve is - never to see my gf's brother. He wanted her to buy him some land for a garden. And he knew how she could get that money. And did she buy for him. (That was before me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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