Bar Girl Wants Me To Beat Her

[MaiLuk]

There have been times when my girl was way out of line, even by the lenient standards I allow for BGs. One time it was some horrific lie that was so stupid it was intended to insult me, another time an actual ripoff, etc etc.

 

When my girl was discovered each time, and would see the anger in my eyes, instead of doing the "i'm so sorry" routine, my girl instead would stand up (all 40 kilos of her), and say with anarchistic fervor "SO NOW YOU WANT TO BEAT ME!" No apologies, explanations, nothing.

 

And she would get this look of utter defiance in her eyes. She absolutely expected to be beaten, because she knew she had done something wrong. I could see it. She did not care that she was about to be hit, she was not going to apologize to a farang.

 

I also knew if i did not beat her, she would think i was just another weak stupid farang without a grip on the real world (her world).

 

When these things happened and i had to make a decision what to do in the heat of the moment, my thoughts went something like this:

 

Well MaiLuk, you never beat a woman in farangland. This girl has a different way of looking at things. If you don't beat her she will think you are a pussy.

 

After 4 or 5 seconds of these thoughts, I would get very pissed off that she put me into a corner like this, so I'd tell her to fuck off, i never want to see you again etc.

 

The fact is she knew exactly what she was doing. She was wild and saw a possible beating as part of what she was about. I thought no one would ever tame this raging girl (still not sure).

 

One time during the calm after an argument she looked at me and said "I think you cannot beat me."

 

All of the above happened during some deranged times in bkk.

 

Now that she is away from bkk and the drugs and the life, i asked her about this on the phone the other day.

 

Me: "You want me to beat you?"

 

Her: "What!?!"

 

Me: "You heard me."

 

Her (matter of factly): "OK listen. I not want you to kick me out like before. I do something wrong, you can beat me. Its no problem for me. You understand?"

 

I understand.

 

 

 

[think_too_mut]

>And she would get this look of utter defiance in her eyes. She absolutely expected to be beaten, because she knew she had done something wrong. I could see it. She did not care that she was about to be hit, she was not going to apologize to a farang.

 

 

You won't get hundreds of replies here.

 

I've seen what you are saying, they do that with their Thai men as well and really get beaten.

 

Last september, while visiting my gf sister's place, the sis was sporting a black eye. The man who did it was sitting next to her and she was (maybe my reading was wrong) nearly proud of it.

 

Another one came in (red eyed), after asking what had happened said - she had just stopped the bleeding from her nose.

 

The third one (already in the room), rolled up he sleeve and shoved something I thought was a massive tatoo. It was a bruise, larger than cigarette pack.

 

Around the room, when it came my turn, they asked why farang don't beat women ::

The tone was somthing like - "try, it's fun" :: ::

 

Could be again a lower class Thai custom.

 

 

[soongmak]

I do believe that a lot of thai women get an occasional beating from their husband, but I don't believe it is a national custom.

 

From personal experience, if I would beat my gf, she would walk out on me for sure. I remember that her sister got beaten up by her thai husband, and my gf was so enraged that she went up to him and said that she would kick him out of the house and stop the financial support. To this date, AFAIK he hasn't done it again.

 

Cheers,

 

soongmak

[soongmak]

The solution is easy. Tell her where you draw the line and stick with it. She crosses it, you throw her out. From what you have told us though, she will cross that line again and again and you will have to cut her loose to keep your selfrespect.

 

If not, you have the option to turn into a women beater (about the lowest life form on this earth) and keep her respect, or let it go (which makes you weak in her eyes).

 

Basically you're on a dead end street with this girl and you know it, but you seem to like it, so enjoy it while it lasts.

[think_too_mut]

>I do believe that a lot of thai women get an occasional beating from their husband, but I don't believe it is a national custom

 

I believe it is not a custom in Thai.

 

If you reread my post, I put a limitation on my experience: rock bottom Thais, people who live in the shacks around golf courses and do any occassional work that may come up. Nothing to do with any average.

BGs come from the (social) environments like that, that was all I wanted to say.

[legover]

 

?She absolutely expected to be beaten, because she knew she had done something wrong?

 

 

After a lifetime of god knows what horror in some of these girls? lives as you get to know them better it takes a lot of patience to show them there are alternatives to violence and anger. No idea if it does any good, probably not, probably too late most of the time. Get a bamboo cane and make a play act out of it when she?s back in ?normal? state. Use third party stories to demonstrate what happens to bad girls with detailed explanations, and bad boys for that matter. you never know it might turn you both on. Fantasy as therapy.

 

[AF16]

I don't see from what you post that she wants you to beat her. Expect, maybe; prefer it to being left, maybe; want, I don't know but it's certainly not clear from your post that she does.

[think_too_mut]

>After a lifetime of god knows what horror in some of these girls? lives as you get to know them better it takes a lot of patience to show them there are alternatives to violence and anger. No idea if it does any good, probably not, probably too late most of the time.

 

Did not like to agree with your post, but it IMO, what you are saying seems to be very close to the reality.

[thalenoi]

>I also knew if i did not beat her, she would think i was just another weak stupid farang without a grip on the real world (her world).

 

Seems this beating thing is a generation problem: father beats child, child becomes father and beats child because he was beaten when "misbehaving", regardless beater or victim (finding it almost normal to be beaten).

 

People who remain in this vicious circle definitely need psychological treatment.

Get her some help.

 

My gf got beaten a lot by her parents when she "misbehaved", luckily she loathes violence. I think she suffered a lot from her parents beating her. (she just mentionned this beating again yesterday)

 

I do remember a frightened look in her eyes sometimes in the first months of our relationship when she thought she "misbehaved". I suppose she expected to be beaten. I explained her she did not misbehave in my eyes, it were mistakes we all make. We must give people the right to make mistakes and point to this.

 

She did cross the line once and I told her if she would make a repeat that would be the end of our relationship. I am happy I forgot what it all was about...but there must be a clear sign indicating the limits of the acceptable.

[BelgianBoy]

mailuk,

 

Some good replies here already, let me add mine.

 

In French there is a saying, never hit a woman, not even with a rose.

 

That sums it all up, in our society, words are way more important than physical force.

 

There will always be beaters in the world, but lets try not to be part of them !

 

Cheers !