You?ve been here way too long when

[Khun_Kong]

The first time you order ANY dessert containing corn.

[gummigut]

ungh

 

 

<<burp>>

[Nervous_Dog]

OK - you've been here way to long when driving and stoppedd in traffic, you pluck your facial hair!

 

You ride the baht bus, and keep the money in your ear!

 

DPG

[MisterBlonde]

Why on earth do you keep money in your ear?

[Guest]

When you dont complain ( or maybe even not get upset) by bad service or goods.

 

 

when ( no matter how good your thai is) you order something when out with thai friends and the ordertaker does not defer to your thai friends to make sure of the order.

 

( I think they just dont expect/understand thai comming out of a farang face)

[Nervous_Dog]

Mister Blonde, if you catch the baht buses in Bangkok, you'll notice Thai girls and men put the 5 and 1 baht coins in the ear!

 

Definately a odd thing to do, and if a Farang does it, deport him!

 

DOG

[Central Scrutinizer]

ND,

 

Here's the original done on asfo and compiled by me once we had all the input from the guys. I can't believe I found the thing! Still valid today for most of the stuff in it. Enjoy, and please add to it guys! A fun list this was back then. About time to revive it and add more. Thanks ND for reminding me of this. Great fun and a good laugh.

 

Cent

_________________

 

To All,

 

You've been in Thailand Too Long When:

 

1.) Riding on a moto-cyke taxi doesn't scare the crap out

of you.

 

2.) You actually prefer to ride the moto-cyke taxi because

it is "cheaper".

 

3.) Riding in a bus for 8 hours anywhere is no big deal.

 

4.) You would even consider riding in the non-air

conditioned bus.

 

5.) Your shit starts to come out solid again, and it's not

always yellow and smelling like something cooked over a charcoal fire on the street.

 

6.) You wake up before noon.

 

7.) You don't have a hangover, have plenty of money in your

pocket, yet decide to stay home and not to go out to the bars.

 

8.) You actually know all the words to the Thai song on the

radio/TV, the singers name and how to pronounce it, and have the c.d. not because your girlfriend likes it but because you think the song is catchy.

 

9.) You actually believe you are a "handsome man".

 

10.) You prefer to be called pom pooey, not "Hey you fat bastard."

 

11.) You consider all the tourists a pain in the ass.

 

12.) You know when all the Thai holiday and election days are and what bars will be closed.

 

13.) You think 40 dollars is way too expensive for a hotel room.

 

14.) You can name every cooked bug being sold on the street. And have a favorite.

 

15.) You use more Thai words in a sentence then your birth language. And you're not talking to a Thai.

 

16.) Your girlfriend never worked in a bar.

 

17.) Your visa runs are no longer considered an interesting little holiday but a bothersome chore.

 

18.) You know exactly how much to bribe the cops.

 

19.) You think sex tourism should be outlawed as it drives up prices.

 

20.) You are thinking of moving to Cambodia because it is so much cheaper than living in Thailand.

 

21.) You know the name of every fruit grown in Thailand.

 

22.) You stay at home and drink because it's cheaper than going out to the bars.

 

23.) You find you follow the Thai football clubs and actually give a shit who wins.

 

24.) You know exactly which stops to get off on the sky-train and how much it costs.

 

25.) You eat most of your meals while sitting on a small plastic stool on the sidewalk.

 

26.) You pray to Buddha, buy incense, and leave offerings such as a can of coke with a straw in it or a lit cigarette in front of your own little altar and statue.

 

27.) You buy Thai lottery tickets and think the pay off in baht is a lot of money.

 

28.) You know how to read the numbers in the newspaper to see if you've won the lottery.

 

29.) You kick any dog in the street that comes too close to you, and even consider buying a slingshot to shoot rocks at the dogs.

 

30.) Squat toilets don't bother you at all, and you know what to do if there's no toilet paper to wipe your ass with.

 

31.) You see nothing wrong with throwing a chicken bone out your window,use toilet paper as paper towels, and don't own a trash can.

 

32.) You take off your shoes before entering a hotel room.

 

33.) You think Johnny Walker Black is a good whiskey.

 

34.) You buy Sang Thip instead of J.W. Black.

 

35.) You haven't spoken English in the past 90 days.

 

36.) You go more than two nights a week without getting laid.

 

37.) You complain about the air conditioning being set too high in a restaurant.

 

38.) You actually gave a shit about the presidential election after the first week. And found the legal manuveurings fascinating.

 

39.) You ate any rice at all on Thanksgiving Day and didn't watch one American football game, and didn't miss it.

 

40.) You see a Thai in a Santa Claus suit and don't laugh uproariously.

 

41.) You understand everything your Thai girlfriend/wife says, believe you understand her, and can beat her on a consistent basis when playing cards with her.

 

42.) When you die you want to be cremated and have your urn full of ashes placed on a shelf behind the bar of your favorite beer bar in Pattaya.

 

43.) You've been treated for an STD for the third time this year, and think nothing of it.

 

44.) Money for condoms is figured into your weekly budget.

 

45.) You wake up in the night, see your wife/girfriend glaring at you with a pair of scissors in her hands, and you just roll over and go back to sleep.

 

46.) You actually like to drink coconut milk from a coconut with a straw.

 

47.) You start avoiding going out in the sun because you're getting too dark.

 

48.) You know which stall in Panthip Plaza gives the best deal on copy v.c.d.'s.

 

49.) You can just glance at a bargirl's I.D. card and know exactly how old she is.

 

50.) You find yourself being sexually attracted to white women and find them exotic looking.

 

51.) Eating shrimp is no longer a delicacy, but a staple of your diet.

 

52.) All your best friends are named Som Chai and drive a taxi for their living.

 

53.) Eating at KFC is a treat.

 

54.) You can't wait for your 22 year old girlfriend to go back up country to help plant/pick rice with her famiy so you can find a younger girl to butterfly with. You are 58 y.o.

 

55.) You've been to more Buddhist temples in your life than churches, and you're a christian.

 

56.) You start thinking, praying really, that you'll come back as a rich man in your "next" life. And you're a christian.

 

57.) You get pissed off when some farang guy in the bar crosses his legs and you notice his foot is pointing right at you.

 

58.) You won't wear shorts out on the streets of Bangkok, look down on people that do, and the last time you did your legs felt chilly.

 

59.) You know the name of every major city and town in Issan, and have been with a woman from every city and town in Issan, and know what and where the fuck Issan is.

 

60.) You think the mexican food you ordered in Woodstock Bar in Nana Plaza is the best Mexican food you've had in a long time. And pizza hut pizza is delicious.

 

61.) Every haircut you've gotten in the past 2 years makes you look like you should be driving a rice field tractor, or worse, a water buffalo ... and your woman says it makes you look "hansum".

 

62.) You read Trink's Nite Owl column in the Bangkok Post every day, and remember when he was funny.

 

 

 

Cent

[Khun_Kong]

Good find, Cent.

 

I'd like to add, YBHWTL when...

 

1. You say something like, "I've been here way too long".

 

2. You actually understand the humor behind each item in Cent's long post.

 

I like the one about solid shits. Seemed to take about 20 months before what came out stopped looking like a diluted version of what went in. With a drop of yellow food dye!

[Old Hippie]

You know youhave been in BKK to long when you actually look foreward to me visiting you...

[Nervous_Dog]

Only because you owe me beer!

 

Crap Cent, I can remember laughing at that and now 90% describe me!

 

Adding one more:

 

When handing over cash, you give the person the most soiledd notes, keeping the clean ones for yourself.

 

DOG