Is it allright to hit your children?

[carlton68]

Looks like my 4 year old daughter is much better 'trained' than the kids you know.

 

For most things you wanna teach kids it is repeat, repeat, repeat, and again repeat. I guess kids need at least 10 repetitions until anything sinks into their brains.

And for the particular problem of traffic training: be graphic, show them some run-over animals if available, and explain that kids look alike when run-over by cars. And then train with them. Cross the street together several times. Day after day. Start making it the kids job to check the road for traffic before crossing.

These days when we walk along and have to cross a street, my daughter takes my hand, checks the traffic and tells me when we can go. She's doing a good job.

From time to time she forgets what she's learned and tries to run into the road. Normal for a 4 year old. It's my job to anticipate that. Calling her name with a raised voice is enough to stop her, and reaches much further than my arm.

Takes more time than just hitting the kid, but I guess I got better results.

 

I am quite happy that my parents never hit me. Even more so as my mother was hit by her father many times for no reason. Quite impressive how she could break through the circle and not hit her own kids.

[JJsushi]

Bottom line is that some kids need a good whack or two and others don't. I don't subscribe to the practice that you can reason with children or talk to them as if they are adults. That "time out" stuff does not work all the time. Good for a kid to know that as a parent you have the power to give them both happiness and pain.

[JJsushi]

carlton68 said:

Short answer: NO

 

How will you tell your kids that violence is no solution when you use it yourself?

 

Easy, there are times when physical force is warranted and times when it is not. The role of a parent is to teach a child to know the difference. Violence is a different issue altogether. Spanking a child is not "violence" per se. I think it would be violence if one struck a child out of anger or the intent to abuse. Spankings are meant to teach a child that what they did is wrong. Soame kids simply cannot or do not respond to verbal communication.

 

You know humans are complex individuals that can delineate between issues and understand subtleties. Spanking a child is not going to scar and condemn them to a life of violence.

[drogon]

@jjsushi

 

Do not take it as an attack but

- in quite a few countries it is now illegal to "spank" your children

 

- The fact that kids "do not or can not respond to verbal communication" is totally wrong.

 

- when parents "spank/hit" their children, I agree there is a communication problem but on the parent's side.

 

And yes humans are complex individuals, but it is not a reason to put the "agressive behavior" as a solution or to justify it.

 

My 2 satangs

[Zaad]

- in quite a few countries it is now illegal to "spank" your children

 

I think you're mistaken here. We're talking about the ocassional spank and NOT violence as the sole answer to any wrongdoing. Big difference and THAT'S illegal. Agree with that though.

 

- The fact that kids "do not or can not respond to verbal communication" is totally wrong.

 

IMHO they only can if they're a certain age AND have learnt a proper amount of discipline, until then I see the ocassional spank as a natural aid for the teachings of life and everything associated to it.

 

- when parents "spank/hit" their children, I agree there is a communication problem but on the parent's side.

 

Mr. Drogon, communication doesn't necessarily need to be taught in a verbal form, hopefully yes, but sometimes we need to have alternatives to reach our goals (raising well-mannered / behaved and respectful human beings).

 

We're talking about kids here and they come in all sizes, shapes, characters etc..

Communication is about making yourself understood for their very own best interest. If the verbal chat won't do it then the ocassional spank will.

[drogon]

I never said that communication was mainly vocal.

 

Anyway I only tried to give my opinion based on some things I learned during my studies.

 

I do not want to debate longer about that as I have no children and do not plan to have some.

[Zaad]

Anyway I only tried to give my opinion based on some things I learned during my studies.

 

And you're very much entitled to state your opinion.

You have yours and I have mine and I hope you won't stop doing so just because we disagree. It's all part of the ballgame.

 

I do not want to debate longer about that as I have no children and do not plan to have some.

 

Hey, come on, one doesn't need to have kids to have an opinion on this. We were all raised in different ways which brings us different views, methods, ideas..

I don't have kids too but I'm well-prepared when the uninvited pops out.

 

I believe debating this topic could only benefit both parents and children, so why not rethink..?

[drogon]

Sure but as I said not being a parent does not give me the right to have what I would call a "real opinion"

 

I mean it is always easy to say something about a situation when we are not in this case.

 

Anyway Zaad if in July you are in thailand I will offer you a nice drink so we could continue to debate ::

[Zaad]

Sure but as I said not being a parent does not give me the right to have what I would call a "real opinion"

 

I mean it is always easy to say something about a situation when we are not in this case.

 

You may not be a parent but we have all been kids..we've been in their shoes and what better way to decide on such.. I'm sure you must have a clear picture of the pros and cons about your childhood, without going into details of course.

I learned a lot from my parents and certain methods I will pass on to my kids, and others I will not.

I think both our opinions are pretty real and valid but it seems that our methods differ slightly. No problem, disagreeing is another option.

 

BTW, I live here so the the chat over a beer is a done deal.

[drogon]

Fine I will be back to BKK the 5th of July, maybe I could take some belgian beers with me so you will taste a "real beer".

 

By the way does any forum user have the "spanking phantasm"

 

so we could try to find if his childhood has something to do with it

 

::