Sin sot-a TG view

[thai3]

Here's a litte tip for those involved-don't try negotiations over the phone ::. On sunday I was a bit drunk and regretted some of the thigs I agreed to, tonight was one of those rare time when the signal kept going on and off. This would mean half way through my speach she would come back and say what did you say and I had to start all over, hopeless so we had to give up in the end after I called 5 times.

In her case she does not have parents as her mother died giving birth and father went not long after so she was brought up by an aunt and uncle. Here 'milk money' means just that as they were very poor but had to trail into town and fork out for baby milk, which must have been quite a hardship. So I think she wants to pay back what she sees as a debt. Also, her best friend from the same locality/age is getting married around the same time and that's (supposed) to be 200k sinsot so I should think there is something to be considered there.

Looks like it's all agreed that I get half back and they fork out for the wedding which should not be a lot. Anyway, i'm fed up with thinking and reading about this for now ::-peter

[shygye]

The most important point is, can your TG balance the demands of her family with your interests. This is where the rubber meets the road. If you end up with a greedy family and a TG that does not have the backbone to refuse outlandish money requests, the marriage is doomed to fail.

 

PS: I have wondered if relatives and friends descend on the family that just received a huge sin sot like a plague of locusts.

[chilli13]

In order for TG to be able to do any balacing in the first place she need to have a good idea what is a reasonable amount firstly in a thai context & then averaging in her BF whom she may have only a vague idea of his wealth.

Next step would then be to factor in his 'farangness' i.e. his possible low interest in showing off wealth & possible belief that sin sot is below him.

 

Anyways I've found chat & sms a fairly good communication media for these kinds of sensitive discussions if long distance. No fun repeating tough negotiation over bad phone lines

[thai3]

 

She can certainly say no to them, the step father recently asked for a cow and she said no way, not sure why. She does send money to various family but not on a regular basis and I have already said I will not be helping out which she agrees to. Got mixed up over her earnings, I thought she said 13000 a month but it's more like 30.000 so she can manage without me sending her anything. Actually I think she is quite a girl and eveyone seems to look up to her in the family.-peter

[Guest]

I have yet to meet a guy with a similar educational and career background as mine marry a chick who worked the fry station at McDonalds.

 

Could be possible but not with your family background, I guess!

 

Best regards

[JJsushi]

naiv said:

I have yet to meet a guy with a similar educational and career background as mine marry a chick who worked the fry station at McDonalds.

 

Could be possible but not with your family background, I guess!

 

Best regards

 

 

My father would cut me out of the will if I did.

[Zorro]

Those posters who seemed to be anti sinsot are worried it seems that they will be seen as a milking cow by the relatives and by paying a certain amount of sinsot they will be setting an unhealthy precedent which will lead to never ending requests for financial help.

I would argue that you should be able to see very early in the piece if the family are out to take advantage of you. You don't have to be Einstein to read the signs. If your girl herself is reckless in her spending habits, an unrealistically high dowry is asked for, and if she has parents depending on her you can be sure you will be seen as a cash cow of sorts. If you have plenty of money this may not worry you as you can afford a certain amount of largesse. Now if it starts to get to the point where you are giving money that you can't really afford then it becomes a problem.

It really is an individual thing but the signs of what the family expect should be very clear well before you get married. If you are not prepared to or can't afford what is expected better to pull out before both sides are disappointed.

[thai3]

 

 

Zorro= the voice of common sense -peter

[Guest]

Hi Zorro,

 

I agree. I've purposely taken it very slow with my gf. You'd have to be pretty moronic not to see the signs of a money-grubbing in-law clan.

 

In my case, in-laws will be acutely aware that any sin-sot paid, will be done at a hardship, and that I will not be a walking ATM, thereafter. Parents are very aware of what I give her now, which is next to nothing. She has always had a full-time job, and is totally self supporting. There have been times when she has run into trouble (running short on cash), and I have of course, helped her out. So her parents are very aware that I do not send her money every month, or support her financially.

 

I can see problems with this however, stemming from a farang rushing into a relationship. They get into trouble, because they don't take the time to think with something other than their dicks.

 

I will admit, that I'm somewhat lucky that parent's really don't need my money. Her father just traded his customized SUV for a Mercedes last week. So the pressure for big baht from me, is not nearly as great, than might be from an impoverished Issan family trying to scratch a living from a few rai of farmland.

 

But with that, also means the expectation of a larger sin sot, due to a middle class stature in the community. :: There really are a lot of different factors involved. And then there is the girl herself. Married before? Kids? Education? Age?

 

And another *BIG* factor not spoken here.....How independent she is. Some Thai girl's will not make a move against their parent's/family wishes, no matter what. Other's will not be so absulutely obedient. And that can also play a *huge* factor in all of this.

 

HT

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] I think we can all agree that it's a very different cultural aspect, with the rules not being set in stone. But the rules and traditions do vary, depending on local and social status. Do you agree?

 

[/color]

 

Agreed HT. I am one of the most radicals when it comes to certain tradition and Hubby just "had a talk" with me about me bucking certain systems. All I could say is that "Certain things should change."

 

I do feel that paying back parents is a good thing, however, "selling" children for the "face" is another matter to me.

 

Jasmine