Should I tell her I want to butterfly?

[monkey39]

Hey, all, first time poster here in need of some advice.

 

I went to Bangkok for the first time this past March, not knowing much about the P4P scene there. My company had me in India for about a month, and, on my way back to the US, I stayed over in Bangkok for about week for vacation.

 

Anyway, I was a bit nervous about checking out the go-go scene by myself, as I was alone and a newbie, and not sure exactly how things worked, so I ended up finding a decent beerbar near my hotel and spent most of time there making friends with the girls. I made the newbie mistake of hooking up with the first girl who caught my eye. She turned out to be pretty cool, although towards the end she started trying to play the "love" game with me (don't worry, I'm not THAT new ).

 

Long story short, I became friends with one of the other girls there (let's call her "Joy"), and I would sit and talk with her during the day when I wasn't with my girl. I never made any moves on her, as I didn't want to be on the receiving end of a bargirl tantrum with my girl! :: We've been sporadically emailing back and forth (just friend stuff, no romance), and I've come to think of her as a friend.

 

I'm planning a two-week trip back to BKK in a couple of months, and I plan on hooking up with her, but, now that I've broken my Thailand cherry, I want to spend the first week butterflying around, and check out the other nightlife spots that I missed on my first go-around, then spending my second week hanging with Joy. I thought about doing it the other way around, and telling Joy that I'm only in town for one week, but there's a few issues with that: a) I've already paid for my entire two weeks at my hotel, so I can't do the "switch hotels" deal; after a week with Joy, I want to make sure I have a guaranteed exit strategy, in case I start getting too involved (no sponsoring bargirls for me!); c) I don't want to have to spend a week dodging the bar she works at, as I've made friends with a lot of the girls working there and built a rep for being "jai dee"; d) I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - call me soft, but I don't see the point in being more of a shit than you have to be (bargirls can cry, too! ); and e) I like Joy, and I want to stay friends with her - she's a pretty cool chick to talk with.

 

So, my question is, should I tell her up front what my plans are and hope for the best, or should I start lying my ass off ! I know trust is a big issue with TGs, especially BGs, and I don't want to get caught lying and be labeled a "bad man." I really don't like lying anyway (how un-Thai of me ) - in my experience, shit like that usually comes back to bite you in the ass. What do you guys think?

 

monkey39

[shygye]

Why be ANOTHER lying farang? Just tell her you will be looking around the first week AND want to spend your last week with her.

 

I have done this myself. No problems with the right girl and if she is the wrong girl it is better to know NOW instead of later.

[monkey39]

Thanks for the reply, that was pretty much my first thought. These girls have enough shitty guys going through their lives - I really didn't want to be one of them. BTW, I'm a Korean-American, so I'm not sure that I qualify as a "farang." Just call me "banana-boy" - yellow on the outside, white on the inside!

[USVirgin]

I agree with SHYGYE. It's much easier to be upfront. Most girls try to size you up early on with the butterfly questions, and they're always OK if you say yes.

 

Having said that, I'm planning my return and there's a girl I would like to see again, but not for the whole week, so I'm going the "switch hotel" route. :hubba:

 

PS. I'll bet you'll find someone in the first week that you'll prefer to be with over Joy.

[ThaiHome]

monkey39 said:

..These girls have enough shitty guys going through their lives - I really didn't want to be one of them...

 

Let me make sure I understand this. You want to fool around the first week and then spend a week with this girl, but you don't want to one of those shitty guys that fool around for a week and then spend time with a girl they have developed a relationship with.

Does that about sum it up? ::

TH

[pe7e]

What makes you think 'Joy' will be available on your return? BG's are the biggest butterflies of all, it's part of their job to make you feel special, but don't be under any illusion, it's all about money. If a wealthy old Jap wants her, he will get her, make no mistake on that. It really is all about money, IMO if you want to broaden your horizons, go for it! There is no need to lie to BG's, be upfront about it , they will respect you for that, even to the point of fixing you up with their friends or 'sister'. Don't believe all you hear, especially 'I lub you too mut'. Be nice but Have fun ::

[monkey39]

ThaiHome said:

monkey39 said:

..These girls have enough shitty guys going through their lives - I really didn't want to be one of them...

 

Let me make sure I understand this. You want to fool around the first week and then spend a week with this girl, but you don't want to one of those shitty guys that fool around for a week and then spend time with a girl they have developed a relationship with.

Does that about sum it up? ::

TH

 

Hmmm...I see your point on this, I guess it's a matter of interpretation - maybe I am one of those guys in some eyes. I guess the whole reason it came up for me is that now that I feel a bit more confident in the BKK scene, I want to have the full "experience", if only on one trip. Selfish, I know, but honest. I also know that I don't want to come back from a trip to Thailand with regrets on experiences I missed out on out of misplaced loyalty. My first trip to BKK in March was an eye-opener for me - my first time in the P4P scene anywhere, and I want to explore that more fully before I decide if it's for me or not.

 

But I don't want to have to lie about it to anyone, and I want "Joy" (or whoever I end up with) to know who I am and where I'm coming from so that she can make up her own mind on whether I'm worth the time or not. I tend to treat all women, regardless of station or profession, with respect (comes from having a sister who could kick my ass when I was younger, I think !), and I've tried to do that with the BGs I met on my last trip. I really don't believe in too many moral absolutes, so, IMHO, if you know you're there looking for sanuk, not love, then being honest about what you want to a BG is the "moral" thing to do in that situation.

 

One more point - the only "relationship" I've established with Joy is that of a friend, as I never BF'd her or fed her any lies about "love" or her being the only one for me. Yes, I would like to know her in the Biblical sense, but I'm cool being just friends with her. As they, "up to her"!

 

Sorry, one more edit: when I said "shitty guys," I guess I meant guys who tell her what she wants to hear, makes promises they have no intention of keeping, then goes screwing around anyway. I'd rather she knows what's what, and make her own decision; IMO, I think if you have respect for someone, you're honest with them.

[monkey39]

pe7e said:

What makes you think 'Joy' will be available on your return? BG's are the biggest butterflies of all, it's part of their job to make you feel special, but don't be under any illusion, it's all about money. If a wealthy old Jap wants her, he will get her, make no mistake on that. It really is all about money, IMO if you want to broaden your horizons, go for it! There is no need to lie to BG's, be upfront about it , they will respect you for that, even to the point of fixing you up with their friends or 'sister'. Don't believe all you hear, especially 'I lub you too mut'. Be nice but Have fun ::

 

I actually don't know for sure if she'll be available or not when I get there; she knows when I'm coming, so it's really up to her if she wants to make herself available to be me or not. As I said, I really think of her just as a friend; if she ends being with someone else, I'm cool with that, as long as I can still sit and talk with her; it's pretty cool just to hang with her. I've already made the decision not to BF any other girls at her bar, as I'm the kind of guy who likes to find one place where I can be comfortable and hang with friends, then branch out from there. Also, if she's with someone but then becomes available during my stay, I don't want to put any of the girls in a position where they'll lose face because of me. I believe in the adage "don't shit where you eat," and as I've established a fairly comfortable role in her bar and with the other girls there, I really don't want to do anything to mess that up.

[Central Scrutinizer]

Monkey,

 

There really should be no problem here if, as you say, you and Joy are just friends. If no promises have been made, no "I want to see only you" stated on either side, no love declared, why should she care if you want to butterfly around? I don't see any problem here. You haven't even had sex with her, and does she work in a bar going with customers? You need not lie to her, but conversely you need not tell her anything either. You are under no obligations here to inform her of your plans except that you'd like to spend a few days with her at some point in your holiday if you want to. Best thing to do is make no promises on that one either, plans change easily when in the LOS. You meet others you want to spend time with instead, you decide to go off to Pattaya and end up liking it and would rather stay there than Bangkok your last week, etc., etc. Be flexible and make no promises. If you do end up seeing Joy and hanging with her for a week ... fine. If not, as long as you made no promises ... that's fine also. Don't lock yourself into promising things you may end up regretting later when you change your mind. It's your holiday and it is up to you what you want to do, when you want to do it, and with whom you want to do it with.

 

By the way, where is it this Joy works? Nana? Then hang in Cowboy a few nights instead. Jai dee-ness works everywhere. Don't forget Eden Club as well, and the massage parlors, and Patpong, and the fact you can get to Pattaya in less than 2 hours for a couple days either by bus from Ekami depot for cheap baht, or grab a taxi meter down there for around 800 to 1,000 baht, one way. Easy. If you haven't been to Pattaya yet I suggest Walking Street and the soi 8 area off beach road. Ask around, there are other places to see and experience as well, with plenty of willing ladies.

 

There should be no hard feelings if you are just "friends" with this lady. Explore and have fun, and protect yourself.

 

Cent

 

p.s. Why did you pay for your hotel in advance anyway? And do not forget to use the short time hotels if you have problems getting women into your already booked hotel, or as a good way for them not to know where you are actually staying. Protect yourself, some of the lasses can become a pain in the ass just because you are considered jai dee.

[Central Scrutinizer]

Monkey39,

 

Oh, btw, welcome to the board. Hope you post some information, trip reports and stories here when you get a chance from time to time and give something back to the board for the next new guy coming on.

 

Cent