Are you married and cheat on your wife?

[Central Scrutinizer]

All,

 

Okay, here it is. I'll add my own story and experience and opinions on this subject later. (As ND thinks some may not be noticing this, please notice that question #6 has the option for you all to choose more than one answer. I thought this best, as some may have more than one reason and would like to be able to show this through having the possibility of some multiple answers to better state their reasoning, rather than just one choice for an answer.)

 

Cent

[Guest lazyphil]

Nobodys business , but also I think its nobodys business if bgs get multiple incomes from Sven, Steve, James, Paul and Lance every month ....but its no harm if somebody, i.e. Thai3 wants to comment

[Central Scrutinizer]

LP,

 

So if I know you personally, or through your posts I deduce you are married, and you post something about a tryst you have in another forum about screwing other women you believe it is appropriate that I comment on this 'immoral in my eyes' behavior and lambast you for such? Rather than starting a thread on it like this to discuss it?

 

Would you do so to a member you barely know, or don't know personally at all, face to face? Do you think it polite, correct, and appropriate to say things here about someone's personal life when you have no fucking clue as to the make-up of his relationship, and personally attack them without any clue at all as to the facts or circumstances? I don't myself, but am curious as to what others here, and you yourself, feel about this.

 

It's funny what some people think is okay to do and say here on an anonymous message board while they sit on their high horse behind their computer screen all high and mighty and morally righteous. Unless they are doing something and posting about something totally 'illegal' I don't think it is appropriate really to get personal and comment in that manner.

 

Or if I do want to comment I would try to keep it impersonal. (We all have our 'bad' days, but some seem to have bad 'months' and 'years' really.) Everyone has their own moral codes of conduct. Who is one man to try to force his views on this on others and berate a poster? Who appointed anyone here my guardian angel or conscience? Is Jiminy Cricket a member here?

 

"Alway let YOUR conscience be YOUR guide." as Jiminy sang once.

 

JMHO. Yours may vary.

 

Cent

[STDAY3]

Cheating on my wife means...

 

Tipping.

 

Lending money to my Brother.

 

Buying Myself something and forgetting her.

 

dtc

[Central Scrutinizer]

STDAY3,

 

Hahahahaha! Ah, a budget cheater 'ey? ::

 

Cent

[Guest]

For those who can think outside of their pulpit:

 

Polygamy worldwide

 

Polygynous societies are about four times more numerous than monogamous ones. In 1994, Theodore C. Bergstrom noted in his paper "On the Economics of Polygyny" [1] (U. Mich. Center for Research on Economic and Social Theory, Working Paper Series 94-11) that "Although overt polygamy is rare in our own society, it is a very common mode of family organization around the world. Of 1170 societies recorded in Murdock's Ethnographic Atlas, polygyny (some men having more than one wife) is prevalent in 850.

Patterns of occurrence

 

At the same time, even within societies which allow polygamy, the actual practice of polygamy often occurs only rarely. To take on more than one wife often requires considerable financial resources: this may put polygamy beyond the means of the vast majority of people within those societies. Such appears the case in many traditional Islamic societies, and in Imperial China

 

Within polygamous societies, multiple wives often become a status symbol denoting wealth and power. Conversely, within societies which formally prohibit polygamy, social opinion may look favorably on persons maintaining mistresses or engaging in serial monogamy.

 

Some observers detect a social preference for polygyny in disease-prone (especially tropical) climates, and speculate that (from a potential mother's viewpoint) perceived quality of paternal genes may favour the practice there. The countervailing situation allegedly prevails in harsher climates, where (once again from a potential mother's viewpoint) reliable paternal care as exhibited in monogamous pair-bonding outweighs the importance of paternal genes.

Polygamy and religion

Christianity

 

The Greco-Roman society in which early Christianity developed was at least formally monogamous, yet the Old Testament clearly demonstrates polygamy among the Biblical patriarchs . Saint Augustine demonstrates this conflict in his consideration of the polygamy practiced in the time of the Old Testament patriarchs when he writes in The Good of Marriage (chapter 15, paragraph 17) that though it "was lawful among the ancient fathers: whether it be lawful now also, I would not hastily pronounce. For there is not now necessity of begetting children, as there then was, when, even when wives bear children, it was allowed, in order to a more numerous posterity, to marry other wives in addition, which now is certainly not lawful." He declines to judge the patriarchs, but he certainly makes the current illegality relatively clear. In another place, he wrote, "Now indeed in our time, and in keeping with Roman custom, it is no longer allowed to take another wife, so as to have more than one wife living [emphasis added]."

 

Periodically, Christian reform movements that have aimed at rebuilding Christian doctrine based on the Bible alone (sola scriptura) have at least temporarily accepted polygamy as a Biblical practice. During the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther advised Philip of Hesse that although he found nothing unbiblical about polygamy, he should keep his second marriage a secret to avoid public scandal. The radical Anabaptists of Münster also practiced polygamy, but they had little influence after the defeat of the Münster Rebellion in 1535. Other Protestant leaders including John Calvin condemned polygamy, and at any rate sanctioned polygamy did not survive long within Protestant morality.

 

The Catholic Church clearly condemns polygamy; the Catechism of the Catholic Church lists it in paragraph 2387 under the head "Other offenses against the dignity of marriage" and states that it "is not in accord with the moral law." Also in paragraph 1645 under the head "The Goods and Requirements of Conjugal Love" states "The unity of marriage, distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection. Polygamy is contrary to conjugal love which is undivided and exclusive." Most Christian churches of any denomination condemn polygamy.

Judaism

 

Although classical Jewish literature indicates that polygamy was permitted, the various segments of Judaism have now outlawed polygamy. The first was Ashkenazi Jewry, which followed Rabbenu Gershom's ban since the 11th century. Some Sephardi groups only discontinued polygamy much more recently, to the point that the State of Israel had to make provisions for polygamic families immigrating after its 1948 independence.

Islam

 

Like the Christian Bible and Jewish Torah, the Islamic Qur'an does not prohibit polygamy. According to Qur'an verses 4:3 and 4:139, a man is allowed up to four wives, as long as he treats them perfectly fairly -- but the text also states that perfect fairness is impossible. Polygamy is also allowed in special situations, such as during a shortage of male adults after a war. However, the Qur'an strongly encourages monogamy for most Muslims.

Hinduism

 

In Hinduism, polygamy was practiced since ancient times. Hinduism does not prohibit polygamy but does not encourage it. Historically, only kings, in practice, were polygamous. For example, the Vijanagar emperor, Krishnadevaraya had multiple wives. In modern times, polygamy is prohibited under Indian law, specifically under those provisions which relate to Hindu marriage. However, Muslims in India are allowed to have multiple wives. Currently, in India, (as of October 2004), accordingly, the law concerning marriage is not a uniform one and is based on religion. There have been efforts to propose an uniform marital law, that would treat all Indians, irrespective of religion, all the same.

Mormon polygamy

 

The early Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the United States practised polygamy and referred to it as "Plural Marriage". It was publicly taught by the Church in 1852, and was a sacred ordinance. Only some of the people in the church practiced polygamy. Joseph Smith - the Church's founder - called them for that position. The practice of polygamy quickly led to persecution of the Latter-day Saints and the enacting of laws against its practice. (The United States Congress made the practice illegal in U.S. Territories in 1862). Many members of the LDS fled to Canada in an attempt to set up communities free from prosecution. For example Cyril Ogston fled to Canada and settled in Seven persons. Although Latter-day Saints believed that their religiously-based practice of plural marriage was protected by the United States Constitution, opponents used it to delay Utah statehood until 1896. Increasingly harsh anti-polygamy legislation stripped Latter-day Saints of their rights as citizens, disincorporated the Church, and permitted the seizure of Church property before the Church ordered the discontinuance of the practice in 1890.

 

National attention in the United States again focused on potential polygamy among the LDS in the early 20th century during the House hearings on Representative-elect B. H. Roberts and Senate hearings on Senator-elect Reed Smoot (the Smoot Hearings ), which caused the Church President Joseph F. Smith to issue his "Second Manifesto" against polygamy in 1904. Since that time, it has been Church policy to excommunicate any member either practicing or openly advocating the practice of polygamy.

 

The ban on polygamy resulted in a schism within the Church, with various splinter groups leaving the Church to continue the practice of polygamy. Polygamy among these groups persists today in Utah and neighboring states, as well as among isolated individuals with no organized church affiliation. Polygamists of this kind are sometimes called "Mormon fundamentalists ", despite their lack of affiliation with the mainstream LDS Church. This contemporary polygamy is estimated to be practiced by about 30,000 people. Most of the polygamy is believed to be restricted to about a dozen extended clans.

 

The practice of informal polygamy among these groups presents itself with interesting legal issues. It has been considered difficult to prosecute polygamists partly because they are not formally married under Utah law. Without evidence that suspected offenders have multiple, formal or common-law marriages, these groups are merely subject to the laws against adultery or unlawful cohabitation. These laws are not commonly enforced because they also criminalize other behavior that is otherwise socially sanctioned.

 

Another major concern has recently arisen with the discovery that many women are brought into these polygynous relationships prior to the age of consent, meaning that some men may be committing statutory rape. Many modern polygamists and polyamorists deliberately classify this form of polygyny (Plural Marriage) as wholly separate from other forms of polygamy.

Legal situation

 

Secular law in most "Western" countries with large Jewish and Christian populations does not recognise polygamous marriages. However, few such countries have any laws against living a polygamous lifestyle: they simply refuse to give it any official recognition. Parts of the United States, however, criminalise even the polygamous lifestyle, which is unusual; these laws originated as anti-Mormon legislation, although they are rarely enforced.

Current proponents and critics

 

The Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints are the most well known practitioners of polygamy in the United States, but they do not promote it beyord their own membership. Islam defends a man having at most four wives, but only if he can properly support that many.

 

Authors such as David Friedman and Steve Sailer have argued that, counterintuitively, polygamy tends to benefit most women and disadvantage most men. Friedman uses this observation to argue in favor of legalizing polygamy, while Sailer uses it to argue against legalizing it.

 

The Libertarian Party defends complete decriminalization of polygamy.

 

Individualist feminism and advocates such as Wendy McElroy also supports the freedom for adults to voluntarily enter polygamous marriages. In contrast, radical feminism has generally aligned with Christian fundamentalists to stop polygamy. Some Human Rights Activists see polygamy as an abuse issue based on law and not one that is related to religion but rather one that is hidden behind the veil of religion. The offcial LDS Mormon church also generally supports enforcing laws against polygamy.

 

Those who advocate a federal marriage amendment to prohibit same-sex marriage generally word their proposed laws to also prohibit polygamy.

 

Robert Heinlein was a science fiction writer who discussed polygyny, polyandry, group marriage, and line marriage in his works.

[Central Scrutinizer]

LHL,

 

Some interesting facts and info in there. But, this is more about having multiple wives, as opposed to cheating on your one wife you are allowed by law to have in most societies in this thread really. It would be interesting if you could find something similar on the incidence of men cheating on their wives and statistics as to how prevelent this is, what the thought is by men who do so, how it affects society at large and a family and marriage as a unit, and other info such as this.

 

Interesting to know how prevelent polygamy is throughout the world in different societies though. I'd say parts of this article describe the way Thais have mia nois to a T, and I found a lot of interesting stuff in the article.

 

Cent

[Central Scrutinizer]

LHL,

 

Hopefully this (flawed a bit, I know) poll will give us some indication as to the prevelence and percentage of married men here on this board having extra-marital affairs, why they do so, and through replies some thoughts and intelligent conversation on this subject. I also should have placed in the poll the question "If you are married do you live in Thailand or elsewhere?" which I think would reveal some interesting insights as well. I also would have included "Is your wife Thai or Farang?" and a few more questions, but the poll is large as it is. Hopefully many will do the poll and add their thoughts as well. Although I understand if some would not participate in any dialogue so others would not know their personal circumstances, and possibly give them crap about it once known. Sad, but it has been known to happen.

 

Cent

[STDAY3]

About 1634

 

 

I think the post is about cheating on your wife, not as some may argue a concubine.

 

I know in some SE Asian countries Bigamy is against the Law, however it is overlooked in the case of religion, because they are only recognised as wives within that religion.

 

Just out of interest. If bigomy is against criminal law in some countries, how come we are not allowed to make a civil arrest against those that enter from Islamic countries with their numerous wives.

[Nervous_Dog]

Cent - you may want to amend the text as the last questtion can be answered many time, and I think that is valid

 

DOG