Your 2 sataangs worth please

[Guest]

Just want to get some constructive feedback on a decision I need to make soon!

I am not new to Thailand by any means, even if my account is new here...

This involves 1.) Thai girl 2.) career choice 3.) money

I have a known a Thai girl for about 2 years. She is not a BG but is from Issan and has worked in BKK after attending school here for a while. She has done a variety of low paying jobs most recently in a tourist shop. Her English is OK.

 

She is in her late 20's and me early 40's. We shared a simple one room apartment together for several months and we had a very good time together.

However, I decided I could not stand to give up a decent career in the US to live as a pauper in LOS teaching English.

So I thought I should try to get her a fiance visa to the USA.

 

We have always gotten along well and I have met her family and all seems OK. I have a good job now here in the US and there should be no problem getting her a visa. We are well along in the process and soon she will go for an interview at the Embassy in BKK.

We speak nearly everyday but I know that it will not be easy for her here (in the USA). In spite of the Thai amenities here and Thai friends she could make, I am afraid that after a relatively short time she will (want to) go back.

I know we need to be together if we are to have a future at all. She will have 3 months here for us to marry or she must go back.

I think I know Thai people well enough to know...that I don't know Thai people. By that I mean, I don't know if she would want to come here for a green card or because of me..or because a fortune teller told her she would!

So, I feel if she comes here, after her 3 months are up better she go back to BKK then me marry her and put my remaining assets at risk in a divorce. (even with a prenup)

I know this all sounds a bit contradictory but I am trying to be practical and I know it takes time (sometimes a long time) to build trust... especially with such different cultures.

 

Anyway, in the end I think if I want to keep her I must give up a decent job (and lonely life) here and move back to BKK.

It has been already three months since I left BKK and I fear the "momentum" will be lost and she may meet another guy.

I say this because as much as I feel she will try to honor our relationship, she is a Thai (Issan) girl and most likely may take another opportunity if it comes up ...she is pretty, and it will come up. After all, farang men also will promise they'll come back and don't. (BTW, I don't send her money and she doesn't ask for it, however I paid for most things while I was there and will send her money for the visa application and medical exam etc...)

Should I trade in a lonely but secure life here in farangland and go back to LOS and make a life there and be financially poor but have a hopefully good future with a Thai woman?

Or.... forget the whole idea and cut her free?

I know from experience that it is not easy to make these relationships work... although some do.

Cheers

[Nervous_Dog]

Is there something here your not telling us? Your saying, contrary to many successfull Thai marriages in USA that yours wont be successfull?

 

I get the feeling that the relaitionship iisnt that good, and your very green eyed and worried she'll leave you IF she does come to USA.

 

Makes me think your killing the marriage before it even starts!

 

That negative comments ffrom me is balanced by me being impressed you DONT want to live in Thailand either when you have a good USA job.

 

Got to USA, take her with you, if doesn;t work out, at least you tried

 

DOG

[Dumsoda]

Agree with N_D,

Why pre judge now.

Wait until towards the end of her 3 month visit before you decide which way you want to go, moving forward.

 

There also seems (from your post) some underlying issues of insecurity that are influencing your motives.... I'm certainly no shrink, but if you are concerned about somebody else "grabbing her" if you leave her there, it sounds to me like the classic...kid in the toy box issues....not the best way to establish or develop a relationship.....more like Trophy hunting.....JMHO....hope for your sake I'm totally off beam.

 

One thing for sure, if you give it a go, you'll never die wondering....what could have been....

 

Bottom line....UP TO YOU

Good Luck

[Guest]

Thanks for the replies.

I do feel a bit insecure and I think rightly so.

I have seen a lot of guys' "girlfriends" playing the field when their "BF" was not in the country.

I like her a lot and I also know from experience that Thai (Issan especially) girls will do what they can to secure a good future and will try to line up and seek the best offer. And as everyone knows especially if they can speak English and are in a position to meet a farang guy, anything can happen in BKK.

BTW, this is not throphy hunting, she is not that much of a stunner. ... the visa process is long.... and it's making me nuts ::

[pattaya127]

Not sure where your hesitations come from. You lived with her many months, I say be your own judge, do not put what you think "you know you don't know" about thais or Issan girls between you and her. Put these months you spent with her, rather.

 

these last few years, i have witnessed guys bringing so much caution, fear really, into it, beacuse of what they keep reading, hearing about TGs. To me, the ones i know a bit, they are just doing fine, they got a girl, and she is damned good to them.

 

then the stupid grapevine comes in like a 3rd party to spoil it all. IMO, it's only good in the first few weeks you know a girl (since you don't quite know her, really). But if she showed her mettle, fuck the stupid grapevine, live your life and leave the nay-saying behind, in the dust.

[addo]

have to agree with the members post. I have been married to my wife for just over 2 and a 1/2 years but she came over to Aust for a 3 month tourist visa this is not give away in my county I had to go garniture for her. she enjoyed her time. she has been almost 2 now full time and it is great. I was a bit like you (a bit) but I thought if I didn't do it I would never know I'm glade I did. Just be prepaired to do what ever the embassy staff ask I had done all that was required and my wife got the visa on the day I was not even in country. I gave her money for a ticket and went to pick her up from the airport. But with this all said and done, do what you think is best. A bit sappy you will know if its right.

Good luck

[Central Scrutinizer]

beldarC,

 

"but I know that it will not be easy for her here (in the USA). In spite of the Thai amenities here and Thai friends she could make, I am afraid that after a relatively short time she will (want to) go back."

 

What makes you say you are afraid after a short while in the states she will want to go back to Thailand? Is this something she said? Like "I love Thailand and could never stay away from my country and my family." Or just a feeling you get? It sounds like you have doubts. When in doubt ... don't do it. And don't give up your good paying job in the states for her to become a low paid English teacher. It will likely end up you resenting her for your money problems later in the relationship.

 

It sounds like you are lonely, but nowhere in this post do you say that you are in love with her, and she in love with you. Lonliness you can overcome by keeping your good paying job and holidaying in Thailand whenever you like, without having to put your money in jeopardy by marrying a woman out of sheer lonliness who you are in doubt that she will want to stay with you forever in a foreign country, the states.

 

Just my 2 satang worth.

 

Cent

[BelgianBoy]

addo said:

I had to go garniture for her

that must have been fun

 

BB

[pattaya127]

shit, BB, you have me all cracking up (all alone, cent! ). What was that, garniture, addo? guarantee?

[HSTEACH]

As Thai women say at times, "you think to mut." You're looking at all the negatives. True, Thai women love their country, love socializing with other Thais, love their families, BUT that doesn't automatically mean she'll want to pack her bags and head back to LOS after three months in the US.

My wife arrived in the US exactly 11 months ago and at first didn't like it. Now 11 months later, loves it. It takes time to adjust here, the people, the weather, being away from family,but they DO adjust. Mine wants to open a business here, get American citizenship, live here permanently. BTW, she's from a very remote area of Issan.

Bottom line, if you do indeed love her and she feels the same, why beat yourself over the head worrying about what might possibly could happen. Think positively. Give her support, understanding and love. Sure will improve the odds.