I am an ass*****

[unit731]

I have found that some guys live off of dysfunction.

 

This may sound difficult to believe by most rational people.

 

It almost appears that these guys need problems in order to live. And the sad thing is that they create the problems themselves over and over. It's as if they have a defect in their personalities. Or alcohol. Or drugs. Or whatever.

 

Years ago, I was sitting in one of the large soft chairs in the lobby of the Nana Hotel. Just sitting and watching. Some of the regulars were a distance away talking. One of the regular visitors to LOS, in his 60's, was crying. It seems his girlfriend of years was angry with him and they had some sort of fight. He had set her up in an apartment and provided her with a stipend to live on. She lived in apartment for about 10 years. And this is where he would stay on his regular visits to LOS. He had a business connection to LOS.

 

This was not some private conversation as all were standing near center of lobby.

 

The problem had something to do with jealousy.

 

Without mentioning too specific details, the end result was that months later this gentleman ended up with a new younger girlfriend.

[ChristianTroy]

as much as I agree with the sum up as much I disagree with the suggestion you make:

 

Let him go the whole 9 yards, he either makes it work or get hurt so much that he will learn from his mistakes! In both ways it is an experience everybody should make!

 

Like I said above, life is about making experiences, Drogon is a good guy, he loves/likes this girl with passion, this girl should be happy to find someone who likes her so uncodnitionally. Instead she is playing hard to get!

 

Drogon, I didn't mean to say you are a pussy in my post before, I was trying to say that If I apologise too much I feel like one! It always depends on what you did!

 

The idea with the flowers from BB is good!

[soongmak]

I don't believe Drogon is living for dysfunctional elationships, but given his character, I suspect he will never truly be happy in a RT. He is a 'dog.'

 

What is a dog? Somebody who's main aim it is to please the partner, even at his own expense. He will do anything for her. At first such behaviour can be very endearing to her, then she will feel suffocated by all this unhealthy attention. Naturally, she will lose all respect as the relationship progresses. It will get from bad to worse, usually she will start to treat him badly, just to create some space for herself. He will act like a hurt little puppy, probably winning her back. This pattern will repeat itself a couple of times. She will end up by disliking herself for her agresive behaviour. If she's strong she will end the relationship. If she isn't she will just be unhappy. Either way, it won't work, simply because the balance is off.

[drogon]

Munch is totally right.

 

I lost my brain somewhere and reading the board I have to admit I posted far too much about the same subject.

 

About the advices received I followed none though some suggestions (CT-OH-cent-BB....) were good so I added them to my plan.

 

It is really hard for me to apologize or admit I was wrong.

By the way, if this + the apoligize mail I sent are not enough

-> will be free again even if it is hard.

 

The latest comment comparing me to a dog is not totally false although you forgot a dog can bite too.....

 

The flowers are already ordered (cos far too much....)

 

So now, I know that some board members are tired of my repeated post on this case.

 

I will stop from now posting about that so please spare me any further comments.

 

Thx

[ChristianTroy]

drogon said:

So now, I know that some board members are tired of my repeated post on this case.

 

I will stop from now posting about that so please spare me any further comments.

 

If they are tired they don't have to read it!

 

I am not tired! I will still read it!

If it makes you feel better - then do it!

Soongmak has a point about the Dog theory now think about yourself and what is best FOR YOU!

[soongmak]

So now, I know that some board members are tired of my repeated post on this case.

 

Don't apologize man! You can post whatever you want. It's up to us if we want to read it or not. I think your posts are entertaining and a great read for anybody not so experienced in matters of the heart. If you want advice, you can always post here.

 

As for advice in this matter: Stop obsessing. Give her a breather, it's what she needs. She doesn't want your flowers. She wants you to be level headed and mature. Sending flowers only shows her again you're obsessing. Don't do it. Really. Think about it!

[drogon]

True about the heart thing.

 

I promised at the age of 16 not to fall in love again.......so lived my life going from quite short RT to another, never settled for a long time (some months)

 

when I discovered Thailand 6 years ago I enjoyed the fact i was young and not so unpleasant to the ladies (either P4P or regular)

 

and went from bars to semi long term relationships (a few months)

but nothing serious, till now......

 

There must be a lack of emotional maturity I guess.

[ChristianTroy]

drogon said:

.....so lived my life going from quite short RT to another

 

short relationships at least don't get boring

doesn't always have to be the one. Sometimes you just take what you need and when it starts to suck you move on! When the ONE is in front of you you will know it and change your lifestyle!

[drogon]

That is the problem.........I changed my lifestyle.

 

Normally (and some board members who met me before will know)

I am someone very quiet, not hot tempered etc.....

 

Serious and always behaving decently.

 

Here I lost my brain somewhere......

[AF16]

soongmak said:

I don't believe Drogon is living for dysfunctional elationships, but given his character, I suspect he will never truly be happy in a RT. He is a 'dog.'

 

What is a dog? Somebody who's main aim it is to please the partner, even at his own expense. He will do anything for her. At first such behaviour can be very endearing to her, then she will feel suffocated by all this unhealthy attention. Naturally, she will lose all respect as the relationship progresses. It will get from bad to worse, usually she will start to treat him badly, just to create some space for herself. He will act like a hurt little puppy, probably winning her back. This pattern will repeat itself a couple of times. She will end up by disliking herself for her agresive behaviour. If she's strong she will end the relationship. If she isn't she will just be unhappy. Either way, it won't work, simply because the balance is off.

 

True about the dog, it's one sure fire way to drive the gorl away.

 

When my wife came with me she did try some of the mindgames I suspect is at play here. What I did were to seperate between her actions and mine.

 

If she had a tantrum and locked her self in a room. I let her stay there until she felt she had 'punished' me enough. Then I went to talk to her and said it were an unnaceptable behavior. She at first then tried the 'I go back to Thailand' routine, a powerplay.

 

I then said, ok I'm sorry to hear that because I really want for you to stay, but ofcourse you decide what you want to do. There I separated between what I wanted, for her to stay, and what she wanted. and put the burdain on her. It was not me who wanted her to go, I certainly did not cave in to her demands, and she had to decide what to do.

 

She folded but without loosing face because I said I really wanted her to stay.

 

I insisted though that this kind of behavior could not continue.

 

You can be a firm dog you know you just have to realize that your needs and wants are just as importaint as hers.

 

I suspect she will come back when she feels you are punished enough, if you did not cross the line in a big way that is.

 

As others have said relax a little, do not push to much now, you will look just as desperate as you are. Not good.