BJ_Blackowitz Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Yesterday a jehovas copule rang @ our door I looked through the videocam and saw them allready, could not be mistaken. I said ; yes Please The man said Can I talk with you a second, I asked what about "about the true meaning of christmas." I told him: sorry old man; wer are just recording a sex movie in here, but if you and the missus would like to join in we might talk about selling the tape for xmas later. he left without a word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Himmaparn Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 You are a mean man... I bet they get all sorts of responses, and not all as humorous as yours... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 They are used to getting their balls busted, that is why they keep coming back! A more proper approach would have been....[color:white]xxxxxxxxxx [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 I find it fun to debate Christians using their own Bible. It confuses the hell out of them and entertains me. Even better when they start slagging off others (like Muslims) and I point out their hypocricy. Funny how an atheist like me usually can quote more Bibles passages than the avowed Xtian LOL! It usually goes something like this (lifted from here for my ease of use): More Commonly Ignored Teachings 1) "Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?" (l Corinthians 11:14). How many freaked out long-haired, bible thumping Jesus freaks do you know? Perhaps this is just my experience, but I can name 12 such individuals off the top of my head. Surely, you can recall at least ONE LONG-HAIRED CHRISTIAN. The stereotypical version of CHRIST HIMSELF! Think of the numerous statues and pictures Christians adore depicting the lord appearing as that which he detests. One can not stop and wonder at the absurdity of this. 2) Another tenet clearly prohibits women from being ministers or otherwise speaking in church (â??Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speakâ?Â-- 1 Corinthians 14:34). Itâ??s difficult to see how Paul could support the current movement to ordain women. Why, Jesus would shit himself knowing that even I, an ATHEIST WOMAN, has managed to get herself legally ordained. 3) A third tenet prohibits men and women from wearing each otherâ??s clothing (â??The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a womanâ??s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy Godâ?Â--Deuteronomy 22:5). Funny thing, two female Jehovah Witnesses came over this morning, they coffee clutched with my neighbor Jenny, a fellow Christian and ALL THREE of these women were wearing pant suits! 4) Ever watch these Christians on television and notice how their bowed heads uniformly shake amen while some evangelist goes on and on in prayer for a fucking hour? Well, repetitious and monotonous praying is in violation of Matthew 6:7. â??But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.â? 5) Christians are not supposed to take their disputes before non-Christian courts or judges. (â??If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints?â? -- 1 Corinthians 6:1 NIV) How interesting! Considering that state is separate from church all courts are supposedly â??ungodlyâ?Â. Does this stop Christians from tying up the supreme court with law suits concerning school prayer, abortion, or numerous other absurdities? Hell no it doesnâ??t, and my taxes are paying the fucking bill for their hypocrisy! 6) Christian women are supposed to dress discreetly (â??...that women should adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly apparel, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attireâ?Â--l Timothy 2:9 RSV; and â??Let not yours be the outward adorning of braiding of hair, decoration of gold, and wearing of fine clothingâ?Â-- 1 Peter 3 :3). Violations of these rules are too numerous to mention. Just visualize Tammy Faye Bakerâ??s mascara laden eyes and gold encrusted wrists. 7) Here is perhaps the mother of verses ignored: â??Judge not, that ye be not judgedâ? (Matthew 7:1) and â??Judge not, and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgivenâ? (Luke 6:37). I have yet to meet a Christian who has not judged my atheism. The whole world is chalk full of judges, juries, voters, employers, teachers, etc. which are all constantly judging others. 8) Believers are supposed to hate their parents when they follow Jesus (â??If any man come to me, and not hate his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sister, yet, and his own life also, he cannot be my discipleâ? (Luke 14:26). Well, considering that Christians do not abandon their families but usually attempt to brainwash them they are all guilty of not following this verse. â??Itâ??s symbolicâ?Â, yeah, I know your lame ass defense to this one already. 9) They are not to oppose evil (â??But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other alsoâ?Â-- Matthew 5:39). If this were followed one might just as well abolish law enforcement. 10) Biblicists are not allowed to call anyone â??fatherâ? (â??And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heavenâ? (Matthew 23:9). Not only is this rule ignored on a DAILY BASIS, but Catholicism uses â??fatherâ? as a specific title. 11) Christians are not supposed to plan or prepare. God will provide (â??Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or that ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on... Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, not gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedth them. Are ye not much better than they?â? --Matthew 6:25-34 & Luke 12:22-31 inclusive). I see Christian conservatives plot on a daily basis how to screw their employees so they can reap more profits. 12) Lastly, Jesus, who clearly is of greater importance than Paul, said the Old Law was to remain in force until heaven and earth passed away and all is accomplished (â??For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass the law until all is accomplished. Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heavenâ?Â-Matthew 5:18-19 RSV). Heaven and earth still exist and many prophecies are not yet fulfilled. How many times have you heard some lame ass Christian say â??the Old testament doesnâ??t matter, Jesus was the lamb and abolished itâ?Â? Donâ??t let them get away with this shit for even the bible says that they should still be following the Old Law. This verse leads me into an observation of how clear their selective morality can be exposed. Take for instance how Biblicists approach the Old Testament. They leap in and out of the Old Law like a porpoise in a shipâ??s wake. If they like it, they quote it; if they donâ??t, they wonâ??t. Among the scores of verses they enjoy and employ are those which teach the following: 13) Contact with mediums or wizards is forbidden (â??Do not turn to mediums or wizards; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your Godâ?Â-- Leviticus 19:3 1 RSV, see also: Leviticus 20:6 & Deuteronomy 18: 10-12). Hereâ??s an interesting little stat; Christians more then any other faith consult mystics and self-proclaimed oracles. 14) People should give one-tenth of their income to the Lord, which Biblicists equate with church (â??And all the tithe of the land, whether of the seed of the land, or of the fruit of the tree, is the Lordâ??s...And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the Lordâ?Â--Leviticus 27:30-32) 15) Tattoos are anathema: (â??You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh on account of the dead or tattoo any marks upon you. I am the Lordâ?Â--Leviticus 19:28) Despite this teaching I manage to see Mexican Catholics daily with tattoos of the Virgin Mary, Jesus or a set of praying hands on their forearms and shoulder blades. 16) Money cannot be lent at interest to your brother, only to foreigners (Deuteronomy 23: 19-20) Ahhh, Iâ??m recalling all the Christian banking corporations.... 17) Eating pork is forbidden (Deuteronomy 14:8). Hmm, Iâ??ve never met a Christian who DIDNâ??T enjoy bacon and eggs. 18) A man must marry and have relations with his dead brotherâ??s wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). This goes without explaining of course. 19) A seducer must marry an unengaged virgin whom he seduces (Exodus 22:16-17) 20) A raped, unengaged virgin must marry her rapist and they can never divorce (Deuteronomy 22:28-29). What justice the â??moral majorityâ? advocates! 21) There are several petty and silly little verses in the O.T., but none the less, they are to be followed. I guess itâ??s okay to disobey the lord for fashionâ??s sake. Beards canâ??t be rounded (Leviticus 19:27); A garment composed of wool and linen canâ??t be worn (Deuteronomy 22:11); Note: this explains why you will commonly see orthodox Jews with the long beards and black clothing. I say Christians should do this too so we can identify their stupidity upon first impression. 22) Bastards canâ??t enter the Lordâ??s congregation. (Deuteronomy 23:2) Hey, I know this is harsh, but God commands it, hence it must be â??justâ?Â. All of these rules are part of the Old Covenant and of equal import. Why quote the Ten Commandments and ignore other tenets? A believerâ??s obligation to one is no less than his obligation to all. In fact, if under the New Covenant Christians have stepped into the shoes of the Israelites and become, in effect, the new Chosen People, then they should inherit all the privileges and duties of that office. They seem to want the former but not the latter. Biblicists teach, preach, and attempt to reach others with moralism, but are not averse to selectively using that which suits their interests. Iâ??d like to close this essay with how to catch a Christian in the act. When you see them expounding a verse and ignoring another, call them on it. I know what youâ??ll hear. Theyâ??ll say, â??thatâ??s from the Old Law and we arenâ??t under the Old Law anymoreâ?Â. Trip them with this: â??But arenâ??t the Ten Commandments part of the Old Law?â? â??Yes, but we are obligated to follow them because they are reported in the NTâ? (Matthew 19:16-18, Mark 10:17-19 & Luke 18:18-22). Immediately point out to them that Jesus omitted half of the Ten Commandments and invented a new one, â??though shall not defraudâ? ! Before they can get a word in edge wise finish them off with: â??According to scripture it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of law to failâ? (Luke 16:17 & Matthew 5:18-19). If sin is transgression of the law, as 1 John 3:4 says, then you should be following all of the Old Law. This, from experience, is the best way to shoot down these idiots and bar them from getting away with their hypocrisy. Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 www.evilbible.com! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 [color:red] "18) A man must marry and have relations with his dead brotherâ??s wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). This goes without explaining of course."[/color] If I read this right, which I probably can not do, it says [color:blue]"a Christian man must get drunk (marry) and then proceed to fuck (have relations) with his brother's dead wife."[/color] My question is how long does his brother's wife have to be dead before he can fuck her? And how in the hell is he going to find a wife that will allow this kind of shit to go on? Ohh..... by the way, Jesus was a Jew and died a Jew. That pisses Christians off a lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 Nah, the idea was that he was supposed to have children with the wife and the dead bro's property would become theirs. This kept the widow from losing everything, since women didn't count for much in those days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 were does it say that? (joking) LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cavanami Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 [color:red]"18) A man must marry and have relations with his dead brotherâ??s wife (Deuteronomy 25:5-6). This goes without explaining of course."[/color] My brother is older then I am...should I start to nail his wife...just in case, you know, for practice ? Just trying to be a good Christian... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkoktraveler Posted December 9, 2006 Report Share Posted December 9, 2006 Is she a good looking women? You don't have to be a Christian to do that! Now if you look at it as a Christian, if she looks dead or you think she is dead, it would be the proper thing to do but you must get drunk (marry) first. Christian shit really isn't that bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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