Irish Joke

[elef]

Sex Talk

 

Two buddies were sharing drinks in Murphy's bar while discussing their wives.

 

"Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.

 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

 

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"

 

"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."

 

:grin:

 

Paddy was found dead in his back yard, and as the weather was a bit on

the warm side, the wake was held down to only two days, so his mortal

remains wouldn't take a bad turn. At last his friends laid him in the

box, nailed it shut & started down the hill into the churchyard. As it

was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one

fellow lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard. Suddenly

a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive! They opened the

box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and they all said, Sure, it's a miracle

of God! All rejoiced & they went back and had a few more drinks but

later that day, the poor lad died. Really died. Stone cold dead. They

bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the

hill the next morning, the priest said, "Careful now, boys; mind ye

don't bump the gatepost again"

 

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

 

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

 

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

 

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

 

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

 

 

[Torneyboy]

Great

[junglesoup]

Junglesoup.

 

As Lusty posted before, Irish Jokes are predominately inter-county jokes amongst the counties with Co Kerry being the butt of the most of them.

 

For about 12 years on and off I was working with an Irish Engineering contractor as the token "Non-Irishman" in the teams, shitholes like Saudi Bahrain and Qatar, but also decent postings in the States, China and Korea and always enjoyed the time I was with them both working and socialy.

 

Even now thee is one of the Guys back in Saudi sending out 2-3 Irish Jokes per day, Project Managers must get bored in the Desert since they are sent during working hours.

 

I have often thought that if you were to mix Thai Sanuk and Western Common Sense you would probably end up with a character similar to an Irishman.

 

Yeah, I experience alot of jokes that are related to the local towns,accents etc. I come from from a town in the north coast of Ireland, near donegal and I do miss the sense of humour when I go away.

Interesting observation about mix of sanook and common sense. I joke sometimes that if I have children with a Thai girl they will branded "Thairish Kids".

 

[Flashermac]

Or Thicks.

 

 

[junglesoup]

Or Thicks.

 

 

 

:thumbup:

[Fidel]

My village actually has a little Thai community now. I was in the local last time I was home and I spotted an Isaan girl, girlfriend of a guy I used to know. I approached her and opened with.. "Ben yang ai bang, sabai dee mai?".

 

She was very surprised and stuck to me for the next hour.. chatting away. Her English isn't so good and her boyfriend doesn't speak Thai.

 

Needless to say, I drew dirty looks from him. The next day I dropped over my copy of Post Publishing's Basic Thai book for him.

 

One of my neighbours over there is a butcher who collects swords, a nice guy, but full on mountain man and a little scary to some.

 

He got it into his head to pay Thailand a little visit... with about 30 lads from the surrounding villages a few months back. As far as I can make out, they're pretty much all bringing Isaan ladies home to the village...

 

I reckon it's time I went home and took over the lease on the parent's restaurant, start selling papaya pok pok, noodles and Spy daeng and install some of those pay as you go Karaoke booths.. charging 5 Euro a track!

[Flashermac]

I have an Irish friend with a Thai wife. He said when his wife gets after their son in Thai, the kid starts speaking Irish to her ... knowing she doesn't understand a word of it!

 

 

[Fidel]

One of my GF's favourite things to do in work is, when she gets an Irish client, ask them "Conas a ta tu?", or "How are you?".

 

It usually freaks them out, they don't expect to hear a Thai person in Thailand speak Irish.

[Fidel]

I was just readin elef's joke about the wake, and it reminded me of a story my friend's dad told me.

 

My friend's grandfather was an undertaker, and when he was a kid, Charlie used to help out. He told me that one of the dead guys they had to deal with had a very badly curved spine, i.e. he was a bit of a hunch back, so when they were laying him out for the wake, he was naturally stuck in a sitting up position.

 

They decided they'd have to tie him down. So, they tied his feet, and then they set about tying him down across the chest.

 

Before they could finish, the priest and a bunch of family and neighbours waked in for prayers. Charlie and his brother didn't want anyone to know what they were up to, so Charlie knelt on the rope to keep the corpse in position, and started praying with everyone else.

 

As the prayers went on, Charlie got a cramp in his leg... and when his leg jerked, the rope slipped. The guy shot up in the bed.. and as he did, air was forced out of his lungs... making a loud groaning noise.

 

You can imagine what happened.. everyone legged it out fo the room screaming, including the priest.

 

 

[was_usvirgin]

My uncle had a personalized California license plate that said, "Pog mo ho" (abbreviated). My cousins told me that, when they had to drive his car, they were surprised how many other drivers got the message.