Dilemma

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"Not sure why this is in response to me"

 

Most likely it wasn't. My guess is AF16 just used the quick reply.

 

Sanuk!

 

[Guest lazyphil]

quick reply seems to be the only way to veiw the post you're replying too, when u click to reply a post unlike the old board u cant read the post, a bit annoying

[HeartThais]

To each his own.

Can't even understand why you consider(ed) marrying this girl looking at your words above.

 

I'm still considering it because on paper, this girl is perfect for me. She's an A+. If marriage is really about fulfilling a longing for a soulmate, I wouldn't consider it because I don't believe in the idea. If it's about something else, I'm open to ideas. I mean, are there days you wake up and think "thank god I got married"? If the answer is yes, why?

 

I do doubt my stance on marriage, afterall can millions of people be wrong? But then why can't the married guys I know come up with a single compelling reason to be married? In fact, most of them regret being married.

 

To get to know someone deeply? I know my dear friends and girlfriends quite intimately. The fun part is getting to know someone which is the first year or so. Years beyond that the person is changing and it seems like a crapshoot whether you're going to like who she turns into.

 

At this point, the only reason I'd get married is for my mom. I told her once I didn't think I'd ever marry and she cried for days. I honestly don't know what she's crying about and she can't articulate it either.

 

Marriage seems to be the most important thing in the world but no one can explain why. The standard answer is: "if you have to ask, you won't understand." I think that's just a cop-out.

[HeartThais]

I can not even say, and I know you specifically wanted this left out, what makes having a child special, but it has made me more happy than I ever could imagine.

 

I can't understand that one either. Maybe I'm missing an important gene.

[WorldFun]

Did you also fear turning 30 & your first long term exclusive relation?

 

Well I feared marriage too, but once in it no longer seems like that great a deal. One can get out anytime & also that I fear less now having been a bit closer to that option already.

 

Now there may this certain comfortable feel to being married - some kind of reassurance of not being alone or something although of course its just a crazy feeling, but I guess its still there

Of course there's the practical side of things with visa's etc & even if that should be the single most important reason to marry would it be so bad?

Basically don't look at marriage as this big thing more like a small additional confirmation that you believe you would like to spend at least the foreseeable future with your GF.

 

Children however is what I see as a major thing. If anything discuss that with your gf & is she cant get them quick enough & you basically dont want any I say tough luck.

 

Good luck

[Zaad]

HeartThais,

 

I mean, are there days you wake up and think "thank god I got married"? If the answer is yes, why?

 

Yeah sure! Great to spend time together on things you enjoy both. Whatever that may be.

 

Are there days that I feel like, "fuck, what's this ring doing on my finger?" Hell yeah.. but doesn't happen often though

 

I think that if you need to change yourself too much in order to make this marriage a success then it's doomed for disaster. I changed personally very little and my lady too.

 

Like I said earlier, you and your freedom seem inseparable.

I think you should look at the things you WON'T be able to do anymore rather than what benefits there are to a marriage.

 

It's more like what such a relationship TAKES from you. Can you live with the consequences?

 

Goodluck

[AF16]

Not sure why this is in response to me, I suggest you read what I have said word by word and pay attention to the details!

 

I was aiming at the thread starter.

[AF16]

I can not even say' date=' and I know you specifically wanted this left out, what makes having a child special, but it has made me more happy than I ever could imagine.

[/quote']

 

I can't understand that one either. Maybe I'm missing an important gene.

 

Everyone does not have to like marriage. If you like serial dating, fuckbuddies, swinging, go for it.

 

It gives me what I want, but it's hard to explain it. It's just a feeling of happiness. Looking at my child gives me the feeling of 'DAMN, never thought you could feel so strongly about anything. Probably don't mean much to many people, and I don't advocate that anyone should feel obligated to marry or have a child.

 

You will just have to take it on faith that for some it does provide something worth while.

[Encore]

>I do doubt my stance on marriage, afterall can millions of people be wrong? But then why can't the married guys I know come up with a single compelling reason to be married? In fact, most of them regret being married.<

 

'The married guys you know' . Are you looking at board members? maybe this board is not the best place to ask that question, rather selective lot here.

[HeartThais]

I figure that if a whoremonger can come up with a reason to be married, it will make sense to me. Afterall, if you're whoring, you probably have abandoned the idea of soulmates and all that romantic idealism. So, if you are whoring and you're still married, there must be a really good reason why you're still married right?