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Knackered...

Coss

By Coss,
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Coss Grand Master

Coss

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Having exhausted myself in Bangkok, in both the drinking and amorous arenas, I find myself in Pattaya, or more specifically Jomtien at this very moment.

 

Six days of venting my very pent up genetic material (October, the last time I was here, was my last), accompanied by some drinking of the prodigious kind, have left me in a state that at forty eight, I could do seriously to look at.

 

What has brought this on is a very sweet and smily young thing with the skin colour of the Glenfiddich Solera we were drinking the other night, sort of milk chocolate but imbued with gold. I could swear she was eighteen or nineteen but she's shown me her id and she's thirty one, even in the morning she is still young, taut and limber.

 

So here we are on the beach, me writing on the laptop, her peeling and feeding me variously, quails eggs, or prawns, interspersed with water melon. And I spy, a few metres along the beach a couple of large whales. Huge they are, white as snow. And it occurs to me that the only difference between me and them is that they are whiter, me having built up a little bit of a tan over summer. I am shamed that my self image has so been rudely confronted with reality.

 

I really don't deserve this girl, she's just dabbed a little bit of sauce away from my lips with a tissue. She used to work in beauty shop up country, had boyfriend he no good, no want baby, so came to Pattaya for a couple of weeks before fleeing back home. But as she says, Issan girl have little money, and back to Pattaya a year ago it was.

 

I must stop this drinking, I think that the food I consume contributes, but that it's booze and no exercise that is going to kill me. There's nothing wrong with me that I can say, except don't ask me to run or walk long distances. I have never been small, even when I was slim and trim and in great shape, I was still 100 kilos. Viking bones are heavy and I guess a predilection to survive long sea voyages has given me a metabolism that is very efficient, I just need a long boat to row.

 

Back to darling du jour, she's the one of the few girls I've come across that is very fetching in a bikini and has a bikini. Most lovelies I've encountered don't own or have no wish to be seen in a swimsuit. My darling is frolicking in the surf (well small waves) now as I write and loves it, her bikini is a floral patterned thing in a darker, Naomi Campbell shade of brown, it sets her skin off beautifully.

 

I am just about to entertain the notion of retaining her for the next few days, I had enough of the threesomes in Bkk and some very good repeat return visits with a go-go girl who turned out to be an Angel of Massage. I know that this is not a Sisaket thing, more of having lucked on to the skill set I require.

 

Now if the whales were not bad enough, a troop of some nine baby elephants has turned up, I didn't know they made women that shape, spherical. Or bikinis, that can adhere to said sphere. Us chaps who are whales have nothing to to be shy about, at least our trousers have hips to hang from.

 

My girl has been christened Lamb Pie, because that's what her name sounds like. And when I bought prawns on the beach she swore she'd show me where the street vendors got 'em from, and she duly did. We're to get some tonight and I'm gonna fashion a pot from foil to sit over the kettle in my room, garlic prawns tonight.

 

Cheers

 

Coss

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Coss Grand Master

Coss

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This is written over a few days so my time and context may vary.

 

Lamb Pie continues to grow on me, after a couple of days on Jomtiem and nights in the bars and go-gos, I am seeing more and more attractive women. Lamb Pie is attractive and willing and able, but maybe day three, is time for a change.

 

Sent her on her way with a "Tonight I get drunk with friends, maybe I not come your bar".

 

Only to treated rudely by a dek-serve in another bar where the girls were oh so beautiful but, "high falut'n" as they say.

 

And I missed her, even after half a day. So back to her bar I go.

 

I've started drinking beer with ice in a glass, makes a lot of sense, don't know why I didn't do it before.

 

Lamb Pie is in the near bar-fine throes, with a tall and handsome Fin when I get there. I discretely move to leave, as I figure he's better looking, younger and I had let her go.

 

But it was not to be, with a delighted shriek of joy, Lamb Pie leaps across the bar and gives me a tonsillectomy with her tongue, and an embrace so warm I feel embarrassed for the Fin.

 

I say " but you busy", she say "no problem I play pool finish OK?".

 

I must thank Mr Fin for being gracious, about this, t'were I a young good looking fella, that had just got my hormones racing over a lovely lady, I would have been quite upset to have a sweating behemoth cruise in and purloin my woman. So if you're reading this Mr Fin, my thanks for your cool.

 

Someone on a board wrote a time or so ago, about the drinks per body weight quotient, of Thai girls. Well Lamb Pie's is 1 standard drink per 20 Kg body weight. i.e. 2 Heinekens and she's fine, bubbly and effervescent. Three she begins to stagger, and four is pass out on bed. Over hang pills were administered in the morning, and yet as a real trooper she made sure I was happy-fied twice that morning, despite the over hang.

 

I've seen some lookers on Beach road and Super Baby, Happy and Misty's are packed to the gills with stunners, none that have tinkled when smiled at though. I'm not regretting the decision to monogamate. Great show at Anglewitch, or should I say shows, much better than any I've seen in Pattaya and tasteful, if you could call them so. Peppermint, seems to be an exercise in packing the punters in, with floor space maximized for seating and teams of wait staff ensuring you are sat down right now mate no chance to escape.

 

Another bar whose name escapes me, was going off, a punter sitting nearby had bought a bottle and then another of Tequila for the girls, and in order for the girls (who were lining up) to get a drink, he would raise his shirt to reveal a viagra engorged member, the girls would give it a quick suck and then suck down a Tequila. About 20 girls were engaged in this melee, I might try this sometime.

 

Sadly I've seen a few on Beach road that are, way too young, and usually in the company of older women past their use by date.

 

An Arab fellow has just pitched up in the next deck chair, with this wife, none of this burka-clad camel faced moofta, no she's about twenty six, 9/10 and in the smallest of bikinis.

 

Quite an eyeful. Possibly Russian, but there's enough phlegm in the language to convince me they're Arab of some flavour.

 

Had to stop by the Grandmother's shop today, other Old Things were in town for a wedding and Lamb Pie wanted to send some cash back to her mum when they returned.

 

I was intrigued that there was no self consciousness on Lamb Pie's part when we fetched up on the rented motor bike outside the shop. I am apparently a Gik which I translate as friend with benefit (financial her way obviously).

 

Indeed a trio of Old Things wheel themselves out into the sunshine to check out their granddaughters latest project, me. Many smiles and off we go to buy a chicken to eat on the beach.

 

Also another bikini we bought, this one more revealing, and when she changed into it, rather unsuccessfully under a towel on the beach, towel flapping about in the wind, bits of Isaan girl, best left for the bedroom, now being fleetingly revealed to all and sundry, we assembled a small throng of male beach vendors. Dirty Buggers :)

 

Burnt my leg on the motorcycle tail pipes, ouch! Now here's a novel remedy, toothpaste. Yep toothpaste. When applied as balm, it is initially cooling and soothing, it dries to a pleasant flexible coating, keeping the wound sterile. I think it draws fluid from the burn through the skin also, as a day later and then on subsequent days, the burn is healing rapidly, with no broken skin. Learn something every day.

 

In a long tradition of not doing what's logical, I'm taking Lamb Pie to Bangkok for my remaining three days, silly I know, what with the available talent pool, but I guess she presses all the right buttons, and I reiterate this is not a trip down the Sisaket Highway, merely retaining a suitable skill set.

 

Previously I'd written "She used to work in beauty shop up country, had boyfriend he no good, no want baby, so came to Pattaya for a couple of weeks before fleeing back home. But as she says, Issan girl have little money, and back to Pattaya a year ago it was." The story has now changed, she was working in her grandmother's shop a year ago and was pulled by a farang. She just recently entered the scene proper, about two weeks ago. She is naive enough for this to be true. My girl's different, honest!

 

When we were in the bars with shows, she was quite unaware of what went on there, quite disturbed by what went on with some bananas, something about this is food not for that! So I've promised to her her a big bunch later.

 

Witnessed a stereotypical english football hooligan fight on walking street last night. Two of a bunch, in their soccer team's uniform, obviously a fashion statement, were squared off in each other's faces. The argument seemed to be over the merits of two players, I don't remember the actual names but it went something like this"

 

"Warton is piss shit!"

"Fahrkin cunt piss! Jones cunt!"

"Warton IS PISS SHIT!"

"JONES CUNT FUCK PISS!"

 

Now this went on ad infinitum so I wont' repeat the rest of it here. What was really interesting was the veins standing out on the faces and necks of the proponents, true primate grimacing, eyes widened to maximum, lips drawn back and teeth thrust forward, every muscle in the torso straining to burst into action. Fascinating. If you've ever seen two troupes of Chimpanzees face off and fight, then the expressions on these guys faces will be familiar to you. This was a nature documentary in the making. Have these people nothing else in their lives?

 

Saw a chap today, older, lean, troppo, had decided that the traditional Thai form of dress for men that is a sarong or length of cloth draped around one's legs, was the thing for him. What spoilt it was that he'd gone for the mini version and if barely covered the distal regions of his sadly greying, lank and dank underwear. Truly unpleasant sight. After he'd left the restaurant, the waitress to whom he'd been attempting to demonstrate his attentions to, came over to me, all a fluster, seeking some re-assurance of some sort. "Man he no good , he say bad thing, he OK last year, he go Cambodia, now come back no good", I suggested if he came back she should call Boss or Police. "No is OK, I frighten, Glua, now OK, thank you :)"

 

Found a little seafood place which has the large Tiger Prawns of 900 bht/Kg, after a reccie of the Walking Street and Other Second Road places I decided on this one and not only was the seafood cheaper, (Walking Street about double the price) it was also that the restaurant it self was Chinese/Thai, small, aircon, and packed with Chinese locals. had some excellent oysters, prawns squid and a very salty vegetable and salt fish dish which I LIKE. On enquiry they'll do you a Duck 300 bht I think, so I'm eating one of those tonight. Location on second road opposite Sois 8 and 7 and about equidistant between the two.

 

 

Cheers

 

Coss

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Dumsoda Newbie

Dumsoda

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Beautiful to read, my friend.....

 

So glad you're having a good time....

 

 

NEVER let it be said that monogamy is a bad thing.... Trust me.....someone once told me that....lol....and I talked with her a couple of hours aga....lol

 

Enjoy your remaining days....and have a BALL!!!!

 

 

Cheers DS

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