preahko Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 it's complex...things like military (or political, or academic) rank can override things like age. but in general, in "everyday life," you do not return a wai to a child (ever!!), nor do you return one to a service person (waitstaff, massage worker, bar girl, taxi driver, tuktuk driver, vendor)...you will NEVER see a Thai who is a customer in an establishment return a wai to a service worker...you should follow suit. what you do instead of returning the wait is nod your head and smile. I have been yelled at to no end for returning wais to children (in my early days in Thailand). I was confused because I was used to Khmer culture, where you always return a wai, including to kids. the only possible exceptions to the above may be if age is a strong factor...i.e. if the massage worker in question was someone I would call "grandma," haha, I might return the wai. but in general, you do not return the wais of people in the service industry. do return them from people in fairly prestigious positions in service-oriented businesses, however, such as the owner of a proper restaurant. especially if they're older than you. the one exception to returning a wai to a child is if the child is in your family (or adopted family) and the context is one of "educating the child;" you see this a lot, including Thai women saying "krap" (in their reference to themselves) to young boys, in order to teach the boys that they should say krap themselves. in formals situations--business, academia, politics, etc.--wait are often returned from superiors to inferiors and from older to younger, there's a different set of rules in operation. for instance, a friend of mine is a professor at Chula, and she always returns her students' wais, no matter how young they are. if she were an elementary school teacher, she would not do this...unless, as I noted above, she were viewing it as a "teachable moment" to instruct them by her example, etc. in general, and whether you like it or not with your Western "egalitarian" sensibility, if you have such a thing (and despite many Thais' disdain of us in many ways), we as farangs are considered high-status individuals in Thailand, and as such are not expected to--and if fact we should not--wai service people. the only bar girl I ever wai'ed was 51 years old to my 46 (heheh, well, and I had to give her a try, now didn't I? dancing in gogos straight since the early 1970s! she's since retired). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 "...you will NEVER see a Thai who is a customer in an establishment return a wai to a service worker...you should follow suit..." Actually, I have. Situation was this, I was in Surin with another board member, we went for dinner in town, with his wife and family. As we entered, the staff waid, his wife and family waid back. Same occurred upon leaving. Could be it is a "Surin (Khmer) thing" or it could be they know each other in a different context, but I have seen it done. Also, at the temples here, I have seen Thais wai the people who serve/make the food, clean up etc...again, maybe a different context. Hence, I do as they do, other wise, I just play dumb, which is easy for me. "...the only bar girl I ever wai'ed was 51 years old to my 46 (heheh, well, and I had to give her a try, now didn't I? dancing in gogos straight since the early 1970s! she's since retired)..." You should see some of the Vietnamese train wrecks I run with here... :nahnah: :hubba: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 I just play dumb, which is easy for me. I'm with you there hip... seems to come naturally to me, like a gift. I know a LOT of people who have to practice at it.. The whole wai issue will be forever debated/discussed on boards like this. I'm with flash - I put it in the category of a handshake/salute, I would always return a wai, even if it was with a nod of my head and a smile (eg to kids, maids etc), that seemed to work. As a rule I only did the "proper" wai to oldies, family/friends seniors etc. Never seemed to get a dressing down about it. The kids seemed pretty chuffed too when I returned their wai with a nod and a smile... thumbs up and a high five broke down a lot of barriers with the little ones as well. Just my 2 bob's worth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coss Posted September 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 " It is good manners to return the wai. " I agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 the only bar girl I ever wai'ed was 51 years old to my 46 (heheh, well, and I had to give her a try, now didn't I? dancing in gogos straight since the early 1970s! she's since retired). You shagged the grannie dancer at the Long Gun! Years ago I'd often see a female acharn return a wai with one hand when she was carrying an arm load of books or papers. I thought it looked like she was thumbing her nose at everyone. Nowadays, the majority opinion seems to be that a one-handed wai is impolite. Better just to nod. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
preahko Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 the only bar girl I ever wai'ed was 51 years old to my 46 (heheh' date=' well, and I had to give her a try, now didn't I? dancing in gogos straight since the early 1970s! she's since retired).[/quote'] You shagged the grannie dancer at the Long Gun! Haha...good try, but nope, this one was dancing at Spanky's in Nana...must have been 3-4 years ago. Haven't seen her in years. Though for all I know she could've moved to Long Gun, which is a place I never go into. Her body was pretty smokin'---in an, er, surgically altered way---no kids. Face was losing the war against gravity, though, but hey, it's the destiny of us all. She was a total loser in the sack, however. Took her with a 35 year old (also from Spanky's) and the older one tried to fake going down on the younger one---please! I wasn't born yesterday! haha---I'd much prefer in situations like that that they say "I don't go down on girls" rather than insult my intelligence by faking it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatRai Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 Wai hails from (pre-Buddhist) India and is only used to show your respect when greeting, in particular to the elderly. It is hardly used when greeting younger people of people of lower social class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted September 27, 2009 Report Share Posted September 27, 2009 So does Songkran. India has got a lot to answer for. p.s. And the days of the week etc etc. India is to SE Asia as classical Greece and Rome are to Western Europe - at least until you get to Vietnam, where the Viets invaded and conquered the Chams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave32 Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 but in general, in "everyday life," you do not return a wai to a child (ever!!), nor do you return one to a service person (waitstaff, massage worker, bar girl, taxi driver, tuktuk driver, vendor)...you will NEVER see a Thai who is a customer in an establishment return a wai to a service worker...you should follow suit. The Wai thing caught me off guard during my first trip to LOS this past June. Took a few days to get used to people doing it. After a week or so I started returning Wais. To anyone. Didn't take long before a couple BGs emphasized that I should NOT do this to the service staff. They didn't tell me why, they just said: no. no. no. You don't do this. While they were chuckling, I could tell that they also meant it. Anyway, thanks, good post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 It's a social pecking order thing. Returning a wai to an inferior is sort of like calling an African-American "Mister", instead of "Uncle". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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