samak Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 welcome to thailand! happens to me frequently. i invite some employees at the company...and they show up with their families; or i invite somebody to go to the beach or upcountry for the weekend...and some friends join or as last night i invited a BG to have some drinks as it was her birthday (she probably has birthday every month) and about 10 other girls join and i end up with a check of several thousand baths... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 TIT. I find it very common that thais bring kins to an invitation, on the cultural side of your story. Not just to get a free lunch. usually, farang status is equal to "someone important", no matter if she has a business of her own. And it's often that you see in restaurants 20 people seated for an all-thai party, with a sense of hierarchy as to where people are seated, kids, maids and whatnot having followed in tow. It's all coming back to the "boss"/subordinates set relations in thai society. The boss has responsibilities towards his subordinates, such as displaying at times largesse and generosity, and affluence. therefore keeping the respect from them. It's all part of the social fabric and is displayed in all corners of thai society. We, farangs, see only with our western eyes, that someone invited took advantage of us (and it may be, no rules in marble here), but they are just saying you are farang, same like boss, since you are inviting us. And the fact that they bring along people only point that "me" does not mean as much to them as it does to us. "me" can easily mean my family. being general here, this woman sounds like just another BKK "nouveau bitch", ahah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 just want to add that "someone important" may not be in their eyes, but part of an accepted social game they play along with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 A farangs place in this "heirarchy" constantly confuses me. I see them viewing farangs as not so much "someone important" as "someone with money" that should be taken advantage of. Because in any other important part of their culture you are mostly not welcome and in general seen as second class. Imagine where we would fit in if we didn't have money? We'd be packed in with the Arabs and Africans on Soi 3. IMHO Compare this with a place like Cambodia. I haven't spent nearly the same amount of time there but I believe farangs really do have more status there because it's a desperate place where ANYONE with integrity and/OR money is generally revered. Probably the way Thailand was 30-40 years ago? Correct this interpretation if I am out of line because I don't have a lot of experience there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 1)see my second and short comment after the first answer, as far as status being an artificial notion, but one they are used to play along with (already repeating myself...). the advantage for a farang is that many times, he can just refuse to play the game, and not care one bit how much respect, status he loses. This is not his society , he's just dealing with it... 2)"someone with money that should be taken advantage of". tourist scene, maybe, but still, if you have been traveling a few countries, Thailand is far from the worse. that includes Europe too, though they may have as much money as you do. If what you say is true, what kind of pleasure is there in going to Thailand? Even considering having a lot of sex, it is in my eye, a mark of low self-esteem to still go while knowing/thinking you are the next cow to be milked. that's ok too, but, IMO, I do not lend Thailand such an overall condemnation. when it comes to these people having an eye on someone else's money, do you think that thais do not do it between themselves. If a BG has money, how long do you think before her "sisters" ask for a "loan"? And how easy is it to refuse to give when all is networks in Thailand, family, neighbours, friends and co-workers? If you ever witness a thai spending in one hour what was earnt in a few days, you know they don't put that much thought into having any (save chinese bred thais), and they are pretty much acquired to the idea that money is made to change hands. yours to theirs maybe, theirs to the gambling den, no big schemes IMO, just "where there is money, there is fun to be had". That's why we go to Thailand too, stop being hung up about the same old worries we have at home. Then, use your head, very very few thais will stick a gun to your head for your money, it's still your hand taking it out of the wallet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 I feign poverty when I'm in LOS...not really feigning as its closer to the truth than a lie: ). There are cultural things and the comment about a boss is true. Some time ago I managed a dept. with a fewe Asian women (Chinese, Fillipina) and after a while I was asked my opinion on their personal relationships, etc. one had kids an older woman, a couple of them were young singles,. I even spoke to one of them's daughter about behaving and studying in school and not giving her mom a hard time. They see the boss as more than a boss but a father figure (imagine me a father figure-ha ha!). It came after a while though, you build trust. I looked out for them at bonus time, etc. because they worked hard so I guess they trusted me. Perhaps some of the Thai on this board can enlighten us about their opinions on this. Is it just plain rude or customary or a mixture of both. The wealthier relatives were expected to foot most of the bill at family gatherings in restaurants in my family. It was unsaid and assumed since some family members were a lot poorer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 i've had similar but milder experiences with non-Thais in England once i invited a Hong Kong Chinese girl i fancied out for a dinner date - she turned up with her 2 sisters who stayed with us literally all night another time i invited an Indian girl to a wedding - she turned up with her whole family (mum, dad, 2 grandparents, 3 sisters and a niece) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 Given your reports (on record at nana forum), these were safe, warranted, Family-honor at stake, moves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walletss Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 From the way you described the event, I would say that she thought she had found a cash cow to be milked by her and her entourage. This type of behaviour happens occasionally in Asian countries. I have been with platonic friends who are earning 10000 baht per month and they offer to pay their way. It takes a bit of time to know who your friends really are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 29, 2002 Report Share Posted July 29, 2002 I don't think that its just farang that are viewed as people with money. Most of my Thai friends have money (probably more than me anyway), and when I get invited the one that does the inviting pays. I have some Thai friends in Chiang Mai that insist on paying even if I invite them. However, if they are in Bangkok I'm supposed to foot the bill. It is indeed not uncommon for them to bring other family members of "look nong's" along. Dinners are a very social event in Thailand, and everyone is welcome to join in. The better off usually foot the bill, but the onces enjoying free meals will have to return the favour later on, usually in kind. Some quite rich Thais allways insist on paying the bills. But you have to be careful as you might be expected to return the favour in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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