jasmine Posted January 6, 2003 Report Share Posted January 6, 2003 Hi, What it is like for a non-BGs to be married to American men? The experience below comes from many Thai women I met here and none of these women comes from a sex industry. The lowest education of these women have is from a high school from Thailand, the highest graduated from a Medical School in the USA. I am sharing the information collected for years and the information came from 11 women, one is I. All women, except 1, work, 3 of these are in professional careers and seem successful (Physician, IT and Stewardess (retired)). The rest do not work full time, just work occasionally in grocery stores, cafeteria, factories and restaurants. Please note that 4 of these women are divorced at this time. Average married time is 12 years. Categories: Sex: 1. 5 of these women said their partners are excellent sexual partners, very considerate and attentive. 2. 3 of the women said the husbands are sex maniacs but stated that they can handle it. 3. 2 complain that the husbands are not so good. 4. 1 woman was sexually abused, this is a sad, long story and suicide and murders were involved. Partnership: In this case, it will be sub-divided into a provider and supportive partnership. . 6 women feel that their husbands are excellent providers, 3 women?s husbands provided occasional financial contribution to the Thai families. Others said they didn?t know whether the husbands would help or not. All of the 3 career women, 1 partner said he would not send any to the Thai family, another and I have never asked. . 3 women said that whether they work or not, all household duties are theirs; husbands do not share such responsibilities. . 1 out of 3 career-women feels that her husband sometimes feels threatened with the accomplishments in her careers. My husband just supports me, he is actually my mentor. . 2 feel that husbands do not want them to work. . 1 has been prohibited to work. . The rest of the women said that when they work, the money is all theirs. Communication: . 7 women find their husbands very patient in trying to understand what wives have to say, very open-minded on culture differences, especially on about the way most Thai women feel about their parents. . 2 women find it difficult at times, but can get along. . The rest feel that it is ok. Food: . All, except 2 said that they cook 2 types of food, Thai for themselves and husbands at times, the other Western type food for their husbands and sometimes for the children also. . 1 woman was prohibited to cook Thai food in the house. . 1 woman called herself ?crocodile tongue? because she could eat anything. Just another side of the coin information. Cheers! Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Interesting. Better odds than I would expect to find in typical American marriages. Esp in the high sexual compatability numbers and communication/understanding realms. Interesting that none of the men cooked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Jasmine, Very interesting insights. The food question surprised me. My wife (fiance) is banned from cooking farang food...well almost. I like Thai food too much :-) Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Great post! The rest of the women said that when they work, the money is all theirs. I know only two TGs in farangland well enough to comment on this. Both keep all of their money from working, use it on personal stuff for themselves. One has friction in her marriage cos husband wants contribution, but she holds out. Farang/farang marriages, both paychecks typically go into the joint account. MaiLuk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limbo Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Hi Jasmine, very interesting post. From my experiences in Holland, all the Thai women cooked two dishes, Thai and western. I most certainly don't hope for the woman that has been prohibited to cook Thai food, that she isn't the same as the one who is prohibited to work and possibly was sexually abused. If that is all the same woman, I do hope she's divorced by now! Thanks for sharing the info. Limbo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Jasmine, " All, except 2 said that they cook 2 types of food, Thai for themselves and husbands at times, the other Western type food for their husbands and sometimes for the children also." I am surprised by this stat! My wife and I do different dishes every night (1 night Thai, 1 night farang etc..)..... Additionally, my wife and I both work and our salaries go into a joint bank account, however, she does get a LOT of people saying her savings should be hers and in her own account..... so I am not so surprised about the money management side of things... SB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted January 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Hi, [color:"red"] Additionally, my wife and I both work and our salaries go into a joint bank account, however, she does get a LOT of people saying her savings should be hers and in her own account..... so I am not so surprised about the money management side of things... [/color] For us, my husband makes in around $100,000 and I make in the 80's (US $) and we contribute to the household by the percentage. However, we have felt that the salaries are OUR income and we consult each other on a major purchase. The Physician works in CA and was making much more than the ex-Husband did so she is paying alimony at this time! My husband does not cook but he does most of household chores. I think the communication is the major thing in a relationship, once it is good, normally a couple can work out anything, no matter how difference they are from. Cheers! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted January 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Hi, [color:"red"] I most certainly don't hope for the woman that has been prohibited to cook Thai food, that she isn't the same as the one who is prohibited to work and possibly was sexually abused. If that is all the same woman, I do hope she's divorced by now! [/color] They are 2 separate persons. The one that was not allowed to cook just goes to friends' houses and cook there. The husband is very sensitive on odor and he finds the Thai food like fish sauce awful. they are still married, 26 yrs. Another one is back in Thailand now, her ex-H committed suicide after shooting her and their child. She survived, not her child and the ex-Husband. Her case was very sad. I have not heard from her for at least 5 yrs., we collected some money and sent her home, I just hope she can manage well. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coloseum Posted January 7, 2003 Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Hi jasmine, I found your post very insightful. As someone who's contemplating on bringing a Thai woman back to farangland what worries me most is that she'll be miserable on accont of her longing for all things Thai, especially her family and friends. I guess every uprooted person would be subject to those feelings but for some reason I believe that Thai people, especially women, would be hit the hardest. My Questions: 1. Is my fear baseless ? 2. How often would a Thai lady living abroad need to visit Thailand ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted January 7, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2003 Hi, [color:"red"] My Questions: 1. Is my fear baseless ? 2. How often would a Thai lady living abroad need to visit Thailand ? [/color] I posted once that there was a survey conducted by an Asian group. Mind you, the interviews were conducted to mostly educated Thai women. It was found that these women adjusted better than their Asian peers with similar education and family background. Without sounding like a snob, please keep in mind that the education does help a lot. The ones I met with lower than high school education have a very difficult time, however, if their husbands are patient, it usually work out. Most of these women go to visit Thailand almost every 14 mos. I have been here over 30 yrs., and the longest time I spent without visiting Thailand was 7 yrs. I feel that a good frequency to visit Thailand is about 12 -16 mos. I am not going to make it this 12 mos., due to workload and other plans. Your fear is not baseless and it is very good of you to be aware that things may go wrong. I am suffering from this winter quite badly now, after over 30 yrs., I have not got used to winters. The Thais need family support more than the Western peers. Depending on their thai family background, some women are brought up to depend on their families and husbands. Ones must adapt and assimilation to the new society is a must. Cheers! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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