jasmine Posted February 18, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2003 Hi, here goes: The lessons I have learned on this concept were very difficult for me. In my younger days I used to help indiscrimatingly. This concept does not happen to only me, it happens to many Thais with good careers and who seem to ?have made it in the West?. There is a Thai lawyer in England (only one) who was interviewed once in a Thai magazine, saying that if her clients are Thais, especially from poorer background, her chance of getting her fees paid was only 10%. I am going to make it short. Living in Europe and the USA for the over 30 years, I have met many Thais, mostly women from nightlife background, and I have helped many in finance, language, legal and personal things. With this experience I have noticed that many (mind you, only 80% of them) of these people take it for granted that I should help because of: 1. I am blessed with education and family background. 2. My financial potential is better. 3. I am married to a man with better income than most of these people?s husbands. Most of these people feel that some of the Thais who have survived well should help other Thais who are less fortunate. And most of ?well-to-do? Thais actually don?t mind, within a limit of course. It does not matter whether the help is appreciated or not. What really matter to people, like me who help are the uncalled for behaviour, words and the lies that seem to be prevalent. I no longer loan out any money after hearing words such as, ?You have money anyhow, what $200.00 to you?? or being ignore, the worst was ?You were weak to give it to me and believed what I told you, your problem.? And, ?I gave you a chance to tam boon, you should be grateful?. These woman were the ones who could go to Thailand every year and I, finally can afford to do that just for the past 8 years, these are the ones who could gamble, when I do watch my budget. Now, dumb me, after all the experience, 2 years ago, a woman (works in a temple) said that she wanted to bring a good monk to visitt, would I like to contribute for the plane ticket price? After 5 naggings, I gave her a check of $75., saw her at the temple months later, she said she did not have enough to bring him but already spent the $75, ?Just consider it a Tam boon?, said she!! :: Listening to some people in tourists areas in Thailand, it is very widespread belief that since the ?farangs? have money, should get as much from them as possible. Once, a big tip was given, the waitress and a guy worked in the restaurant said, (they did not know that I understood Thai), ?The dummy has money, this amount did not cause his shin hair to fall off, get more next time!?. From a song toew driver ?Farang gho, (stupid farangs) tue wa me ghen? (after the poor guy was being kind, gave him a little more that what was charged). :: I give tips to sam-lows, taxis, to my Thai masseuse and in restuarants. My mother is against tip because she felt that most of the people received do not appreciate it, they just think that because ones can afford it, might as well raising the price anyway. Need to write later when time permits about what I have heard and seen about what these women think about their husbands? kindness (may be I should not, for it may sound quite negative). Jasmine :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxal Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 Dear Jasmine, One of the things that impresses me about you (and probably others on the board) is your candor. You've shared a lot and have helped a lot too. The occasional good laugh is appreciated too. :: Of course, it's "up to you" if want to express the positive and negative on this subject. If time permits you and you're inclined, I WILL read it. There's so much to learn. :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted February 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 Hi, Thanks for the kind words. This AM has been very trying. Tried to get to work (we have had snow storm here), the MARC trains from WV were cancelled, so drove to Brunswick, MD, all trains except 2 were cancelled and there was only some room, could not take all people, then was told my connection was cancelled, might get to work by noon!! Heck, I drove back home and will work from home again today (3rd day in a row), will call in for a couple of meetings I guess. I have seen quite a bit of negativities but a few good people have helped me stay positive. I can understand the attitude and resentment many poorer Thais towards whom they deem to be more fortunate because of the way the treatment they may have received. But what I really hate to see is the "don't care so much" attitude towards their immediate family (especially) their husbands. Another thing also, is, their background that instills their attitude which many of them could not change. I have met 2 women (both of them worked in Thai brothels) who even with good husbands, became very restless and could NOT stay faithful. Any thing else has been fine with these 2 women, just needed other men to ensure that they are desired. Being a Thai and many places associate the Thai women with certain stigma, I have to watch my behaviour quite carefully. If I do something different, it usually gets connected to being a Thai woman, not because I am JUST a woman. Again, thanks for the kind words. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted February 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 Hi, [color:"red"]I can understand having reservations and a perpetual trust issue but for most GTGs would they not take a chance on a guy who used to be in the scene? [/color] My quick response will be, I don't know. I would guess it depends on both parties. Must point out though, that most of these Thai women do depend on their parents approval on the serious subjects as their life-time mates. My Thai family does not approve of men fooling around, drinking and many other things. However, men are usually forgiven for their "fooling around" habit prior to marriage. And I have seen many married Thai men have other women, so I feel that it will be mainly up to the woman herself to trust and believe in you. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Tawan Dang; I first came to Thailand in 1970 and have been back a number of times since. I really havn't noticed the things that you mention. I still find the people nice and friendly (but, of course, maybe it is the way that I treat them). Overcharged? I expect a certain amount of paying roundeye prices. It goes with the territory. If they get greedy, I just say "Mai Ow Khup" and walk away. The things that I have noticed was that Bangkok is cleaner now than it was 30 years ago. The traffic is not as bad as it was (and I thought that I would never say that!) The beer is still ice cold (thank God). It still doesn't pay to eat green papaya salad. And last, but not least, the girls are still beautiful. Remember, you can never go back to something. You change and it changes. If you don't like the changes, then perhaps it is time to find another, as yet undiscovered, place to go. Paul The Old Sarge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted March 14, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Hi, I am glad you find Bangkok cleaner than 30 yrs. ago. I also find it so. Of course many good things have changed a little too fast and too much for me but you are right things will change and, hopefully for better. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 I appreciate your candor as well. What you have said about people within your 'community'/country and their attitudes toward your helping them is, unfortunately, that way for non Thai cultures as well. Especially anyone who has emigrated to America. I'm sure you'll find similar stories from Indians, Jamaicans, Latinos, Russians, etc. Also, places that cater to a great number of tourists, especially western tourists have a 'fleece the tourist' mentality. Acapulco, Montego Bay, etc. Interesting about the women who continue to cheat even after finding a good marriage. I've found that some, certainly not all, of the women in the 'scene' actually like it to a certain extent. Even if financially able to go back to Issan, would rather stay in BKK or Pattaya because they would be bored to death. Bottom line, it seems like the more time you spend getting to know your prospective Thai wife, the more chance you'll have to discover anything that may not be right. Although this is no guarantee. This is good advice for any relationship. So, I guess I'll rule out the whirlwind, one week, we're in love, romances :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 19, 2003 Report Share Posted March 19, 2003 Jazz ; I'm starting a relationship with a non BG in Bkk and I'll be moving to Thaiand soon to be with her and to work in BKK . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted March 19, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2003 Good luck and stay happy for a long time to come. :: :: Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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