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A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch.

 

Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "What the hell!" the tourist cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!"

 

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

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A young boy walks up to his father and says "Dad... What's the difference between theoretically and actually?"

The father pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Come on son I'll show you."

They walk into the kitchen where the mother is preparing dinner. He stands beside her at the kitchen sink and says "Honey, if the milkman came to the door and offered you a $1,000,000 to have sex with him and nobody would ever know, would you do it?"

She looks at him smiles and says "I guess as long as nobody ever found out, yep I'd do it."

He then takes his son into dining room where his older sister is busy at the table studying. He pulls up a chair beside her and says "Honey, if the milkman came to the door and offered you a $2,000,000 to have sex with him and nobody would ever know, would you do it?"

She looks at him smiles and says "I guess as long as nobody ever found out, yep I'd do it."

He then turns to his son and says "Well there go. Theoretically we're sitting on $3,000,000 but actually we live with a couple of sluts."

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A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch.

 

Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "What the hell!" the tourist cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!"

 

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

 

An English silver expert travelling in Scotland was asked if he would like to look at the trophies won by the Scottish national soccer team. He replied that he wasn't interested in antiques.

.. :neener:

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Myself and two of my friends were talking about how stupid our wifes are.

 

Firstly I said my wifes so stupid, she went and bought a car but the silly bitch can't even drive!

 

My mate said that's nothin', my wife's so fucking stupid, she goes and buys 300 kilo's of steaks, and we have'nt even got a freezer.

 

Me other mate said my wife's more stupid than that! she goes on a fortnights holiday to Pattaya, packs 200 condoms and she has'nt even got a cock!

 

 

FA.....

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