Family pressure

[TroyinEwa/Perv]

No......because I believe I said........

 

"Just because the daughter decided not to spend 80k in one swoop doesn't mean that she's turned her back on them.

 

Meaning, she has probably given since she could give, she and the OP have given together since they've been together and this one example of saying no doesn't mean they will always say no.

 

I believe they understand the culture and that children giving is expected. Doesn't mean it has to be liked.

 

 

[Old Hippie]

I guess you might have missed this line:

 

Still, this expectation of children needing to feed the parents is a brick on both our stomachs.

 

TH

 

 

Perhaps he expressed himself poorly? in any event, can you, Thaihome, please tell us how much you give/have given to your inlaws and how much you feel is enough, and when and where would YOU draw the line?

 

As for myself, and my parents, as I have written here many times, I was placed in child protective custody/foster care 2 times as a kid because of abuse and neglect, my "parents" (I was adopted) were nasty bastards, who gave me nothing but bad memories and physical and emotional scars. Should they ever even dream of asking me for shit, I'd laugh myself to death...point is, some people realize there is not a need or a desire to give money to their family, and there is a point where it just gets nuts.

 

Ex wife is a Filipina, her family was not bad off in the PI, retired with pensions, sister married well, had a government job as did her husband, who was the mayor's son...yet the family mostly the sister, was always onto us for more and more...shit they didn't need, shit even we didn't have because we couldn't afford it...pissed me off the 4 am phone calls asking for golf clubs etc...when and where is it supposed to stop?

[tartempion]

Th,

 

If you would have read my OP carefully you would have noticed that my GF has NO children, so I doubt anyone will be around to take care of HER when I'm gone.

 

Edit: and BTW to whom will our (read her) house go when she leaves this world?

 

Now I do understand NG helping nieces/nephews trough school. Her parents were housing a grandson (son from a younger sister). I proposed him to teach him English or any other language but he declined. I proposed to finance his later schooling as of age 15 but he decided to drop out of school. Today there are 4 kids age less than 6 in the parents house and I wonder if any will be interested in learning an other language.

 

What you guys are missing is how the GF feels she was treated by her parents as kid, badly she says, beaten up by each "mistake" and her older sister was always "right" whilst she was always "wrong".

 

At age 12 she was sent to work in town in a laundry, starting at 5am, salary 300B/month.

I will spare you the details, but 3 sisters including herself were sent to Bangkok later to sent all their earnings to finance the house they now live in (200K)

She spent all her years age 12 to 30 sacrificing everything (thus her life) for her parents.

 

She did not marry the lovesick lovers haunting the hut they lived in when she came home at Songkran, thus was a virgin when I met her age 30.

 

Seems she holds a grudge against her parents, any one has objections here also?

 

She also finds the previous land she worked and paid for should be in her name but it seems all will go to the preferred bitch of an older sister who controls the family.

She still respects her parents and visits/eat almost daily. Myself I often sit with them but not daily.

 

I tend to believe she has been badly treated in her younger years and do NOT wish to feed them.

 

Taking care is different, thus when needed I drive them to a doctor and have no problem in paying bills. I wonder if any of you do see the difference?

 

OK, crawling back under my rock now

[Nervous God]

Bloody aweful day when I agree with TH and not my mate Tartie

 

It's all the reds fault.

[tartempion]

NG, are you drinking again?

If you're around we should visit that nearby swimming pool, PM me, or maybe you should rather invite TH?

[Old Hippie]

Bloody aweful day when I agree with TH and not my mate Tartie

 

It's all the reds fault.

 

 

In your situation, having what you have, I tend to agree with you. It is give and take, you give you take, they give, they take. You gave them something, they used it, built on it, and it is there when you need it. A good deal.

 

It is a different situation when it is all one sided, and puts a burden on the giver...but what do I know? I am just a "2 week resident."

[Stickman]

It's one thing helping people out when they really need help. It is altogether something else giving and giving to the point where you might suffer.

 

From the original post it really is not clear just what the situation is, but I got the feeling that the family is doing just fine already...hence the reluctance to keep on giving.

[tartempion]

well back to OP then: FAMILY PRESSURE.

 

From year 1 with the GF the request to pay for land came to me. I had no say in this, all I needed to do was to PAY, seems deal with land seller was pay 2x50K in 2 years. Pressure from family was daughter with farang and other daughter working in BKK pay each 50%. Oldest son 40+ lives in the village can't pay, older sis lives at home, can't pay, younger brother 20+ lives at home, can't pay, youngest sis lives at home can't pay.

 

Each year came the request to pay for fertilizer (I forgot that here) 10K/year, then to buy buffaloes (forgot that one also), we bought some but resold them with a profit when father realized he got too old to take care of 5 buffaloes

 

Later came the request for the Kubota tractor, again we and BKK sis paid.

Then they realized tractor needs petrol to run, good thinking.

 

In fact GF was requested to work all her life to feed the parents. Now something is wrong here: man marries wife and have lots of kids, no worries: kids will work to pay land, house, furniture, buffaloes, tractor, TV, motorbike,pick-up.

 

And Ho, it seems this is required from the daughters only, the youngest kid, now in his late 20ties has never contributed anything.

Even so the 3 sis have worked and paid for the boys motorbike.

 

GF also told me the parents knew where to find her to pressure her for new requirements, but NEVER did she get a call asking if she was healthy, was happy. Why should they care for the happiness of their spin off.

Now to me happiness is the most important thing in life, but at the expense of others? That's a CRIME.

 

And don't expect them to do anything for you, unless you pay for it that is.

 

Now TH me thinks something is WRONG in a culture where daughters are required to sacrifice part of their lives to IMPROVE the material being of the parents: having kids and more kids with that in mind.

[Old Hippie]

I get that...I don't understand the attitude or where it comes form...the old "...I was a lousy parent and treated you like shit, but now I expect you to go and do things I'd never do, to provide me with a lifestyle I'd never give to my parents..." seems odd, but that is their culture...

[ThaiHome]

I think you are mixing up a dysfunctional family with a culture. Because you are stuck with a dysfunctional family, you are condemning a culture that when it works as it does in the majority of families, is superior to what has evolved in the west in the recent generations where we just stick the old folks in a rest home the quality of which is based on how much money the old folks can pay.

TH