Life of ex-sex workers

[jasmine]

Hello,

 

Below is from BKK Post.

 

[color:"red"]SHATTERED DREAMS

Coming home to disappointment

 

While migrant workers from Burma endure slave-like working conditions here, poor Thai girls brave a risky life overseas for the same dream _ to return home one day with enough money to end family poverty. Today, in our last segment of the five-part series on the plight of migrant workers, we take a look at the struggles of former Thai sex workers as abandoned wives of Japanese men

Story and pictures by SANITSUDA EKACHAI

When Nattiya returned home from working as a sex worker in Japan, she brought back with her one million baht in savings. But it was gone quickly with her family and relatives endlessly queuing up for help.

 

So she went again.

 

The second time she came home, she had two million baht _ and a baby daughter from her Japanese boyfriend who promised her his love, financial support and a life together in her small village in Mae Sai, Chiang Rai.

 

He did keep his promises _ for three years. Then she never heard from him again.

 

Meanwhile, all her savings soon evaporated with bad investments, her family's insatiable financial demands and the huge amount of ``tea money'' for her daughter's citizenship and civil registration papers.

 

Nattiya, now in her early 40s, is struggling with a hand-to-mouth existence as a worker in a shoe factory earning only 70 baht a day.

 

``I worry about my children; how I could give them a good education so they don't have to be like me,'' Nattiya paused, her eyes reddened. ``A bad woman.''

 

Nattiya is not alone in her worries. Nor in her position as an abandoned wife of a Japanese man.

Mae Sai, a border district in Chiang Rai province, has long been one of the main suppliers of sex workers to Japan. Though struggling as illegal workers, once they have paid their huge debts to the trafficking ring, these women can save enough money to replace their thatched huts in home villages with Bangkok-style mansions, cars and other luxuries.

 

But it is marriage to Japanese man that is considered the ultimate in success for any Mae Sai sex worker, not only because it ensures long-term financial support. Probably equally important to the sex workers, the marriage helps cleanse their deep guilt now that they can start a new life as wife and mother, to be a ``good woman'' again.

 

In most cases, the couples come home together to announce the good news. A marriage ceremony is held. A house is built so the young mothers no longer have to put up with a life ridden with fear as an illegal alien, and the baby can have legal rights in their mother's homeland. Most always, the plan for the Japanese father is regular visits before he can eventually rejoin his Thai family.

 

This is a period of joy for the returnees.

 

``My house was full of guests and friends in those days,'' said Duangjand, 36, who went to Japan when she was 18. ``I thought nothing of buying them foods and drinks. It was a fun time.''

 

Her baby Yuka, then a year old, was the darling of the village. ``The neighbours always came to take her around. I didn't even have to carry her myself.''

 

The bliss was short-lived. After two years, Duangjand's husband stopped sending money. He never returned to Thailand. She became angry and wrote him hurtful letters. And then they lost touch.

 

``When the money was gone, so were people who I thought were my friends,'' said Duangjand.

 

``Even my own mother became harsh with me. Without money, I never seemed to do anything right to satisfy her.'' Her voice trembled with strong emotions. ``She even chased me out of the house. The very house I sent home money to build.''

 

Struggling with debts and loneliness, Duangjand married again and had three more children.

 

With her husband bed-ridden, Duangjand is now among the poorest in the village.

 

Her thatched hut sits across from a Bangkok-style mansion, a monument to the success of other village girls, and a constant reminder of her own failure.

 

She gulped back her tears, and her voice became indignant when she talked of her neighbours' flaunting of wealth.

 

``I just hate those parents who keep bragging about how much money they receive from their daughters. Didn't they know how much suffering their daughters must go through, how many men they had to sleep with so the parents can show off their latest models of mobile phones and their huge gold necklaces? Why didn't they think of their own children's suffering?''

 

She herself admitted, however, that back in her prime she never told anyone what she went through either. ``I just couldn't,'' she sighed. ``I just told them I was doing fine. So I thought I was fine.''

 

Many families, she related, squandered all the money their daughters in Japan sent because it was quick, easy money. ``When the daughters returned, they learned they had nothing, and they had to leave to work again.''

 

It happened to Nattiya. As the eldest daughter, she had hoped that her money could help her younger sister get an education and a decent job while her brother could help support the family when she could no longer do so.

 

As it turned out, her sister Varunee became another sex worker. And her brother became a drug addict.

 

``My parents used my money to spoil my kid brother, buying him a car and anything he wanted. He lied to get money and they just gave it to him,'' she said.

 

``I went through so much pain and so many problems in my work, to give them a better future. But all was wasted.''

 

Such disappointment and poverty is common among the sex workers who return home, said Japanese social worker Mari Nyota, 47, who has done research on how former sex workers are doing after they returned from Japan.

 

Many, like Nattiya and Duangjand, are abandoned by their Japanese partners, left alone to care for their children. Some, unable to adjust, became alcoholics. ``Some even kill themselves,'' she added.

 

Many remarry to start anew. But as a wife, they do not practise safe sex as they did when they were sex workers.

 

``Many have become HIV positive because of their husbands. Their children are also infected,'' she said. ``They are living in misery.''

 

More often than not, they have to suffer in silence, unable to hope for sympathy from their communities.

 

``I once shared my problems with someone who I thought was my friend,'' said Varunee, 38, Nattiya's sister who also married and was abandoned by her Japanese client. ``But the whole village soon knew about it, talking and laughing at me behind my back. I'd never do it again.''

 

Mari set up a non-profit organisation called Self-Employment Programme of Migrant Women (Sepom) to assist victims of poverty and human trafficking such as Nattiya, Varunee and Duangjand. The aim is not only to help them become financially self-sufficient but also to provide them a place to share their feelings among their peers without fear or shame.

 

``You feel you're all alone in the dark when you have no one to talk to,'' said Varunee. ``Being part of this group, we can at least get things off our chests and feel there is still hope for our children.''

 

Uppermost in their mind is to locate their lost Japanese husbands, hoping that would mean a better future for their children.

 

And for Varunee, who refuses to remarry, it means a reunion of love. ``I have been waiting for eight years,'' she said. ``I am still waiting.''

 

Meanwhile, their children face a different set of difficulties, ranging from health and emotional to educational and legal problems.

 

Yuka, 13, Duangjand's daughter, for example, still does not have Thai nationality. Without the citizenship, she will be denied a chance of higher education and a good job.

 

In a legal nightmare, Duangjand lost her daughter's official papers when her then-husband mistakenly took the papers with him to Japan. As poor as she is, she paid for the expensive DNA test to prove that Yuka is her daughter. While the case was thrown back and forth between the Mae Sai district and immigration officials, the DNA document was lost.

 

Adamant, Duangjand finally got hold of an old photocopy of a Thai translation of Yuka's Japanese birth certificate. Yet despite certification from the Foreign Ministry, the district office still refuses to proceed.

 

It is during these kinds of moments that Duangjand feels totally lost.

 

``Had I been able to turn the clock back, I wouldn't have left my village,'' she said, her voice trembling with bitterness. ``I would rather have married a local man and had children and stayed home no matter how poor I was. At least I could feel good about myself.

 

``But I chose wrongly. I ended up going places far from home to sleep with countless men and feel so badly about myself.'' Tears streamed down her pale, bony cheeks as she sobbed.

 

Varunee broke the silence with her gentle voice. ``Don't think like that,'' she said, calling her ``Pi'', or elder sister. ``We really had no choice. How could we help our poor mother and father if we did not do what we did?''

 

Then she fell silent. Nattiya looked away. Her eyes welling with tears, she cried not only for Duangjand but for herself, her sister and many other poor girls who wanted so badly to be a good daughter, a good woman, but ended up with shattered dreams.

 

- For more information and to assist Sepom, contact Ms Mari Nyota at 120, Moo 15, Sankong Luang Road, Tambon Robwiang, Amphoe Muang, Chiang Rai 57000. Tel/Fax: (053) 756-411. Or, email sepom2002$yahoo.com.

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Most of you know that I grew up in the North and the same problem has existed before I was born, would things ev er change for the better?

 

Cheers!

[Guest lazyphil]

These are the unlucky ones. Some end up with white gods like me

 

Seriously though, its a terrible situation for some of these girls

[Guest]

I have about as much sympathy for her as I would someone who had turned to selling drugs as a way to acquire a nice (show piece) home, car and other possessions and flaunt them in the faces of poorer neighbors.

 

Personally I don't mind if someone chooses prostitution or drug dealing as quick and easy ways to get ahead, to each his own, but when they lose all I can't shed tears for them.

 

At least in the end she realizes she should have stuck with a more traditional lifestyle and maybe would've been better off.

 

I'd feel sympathy if the story was about a farmer who through hard work and careful savings manages to achieve a reasonable level of success only to have several years of drought ruin his good fortune.

 

Before I'm accused of a holier than thou attitude, I have posted before that I'd seriously consider prostitution if I were an underprivileged Thai girl. It is a real avenue available to them, an acceptable occupation in my opinion (as long as it's not my wife or daughter.)

 

[Guest]

[jp1]

Jasmine,

 

A sad story indeed, but this girl is not alone. There are hundreds if not thousands of Thai girls who suffer the same fate with their Japanese bf or husbands. They?re only attractive to a Japanese man as long as they?re young and cute. Once they surpass a certain age they?ll be dropped and soon forgotten.

 

 

[torrenova]

As someone who has studied economics and populations in 3rd world countries, I have to say that I cannot see an easy solution to the problem.

 

On a simple level, the parents' pension fund is their children, either by working their land or sending money home from work outside the village. Until parents can save sufficient money to fund their own retirement without recourse to their children, then this model will continue.

 

I do not have a definitive answer as to why there is such a "live for today" attitude to most things financial in Thailand but that will need to be overcome before change can start. Perhaps long term stability of the financial institutions is the answer rather than the "get rich quick" madness of the stockmarket. Even then, people will have to earn sufficient to save for the future.

 

I understand that there is some form of a welfare state being introduced. Perhaps here is another piece of the jigsaw which will be required before real, meaningful and sustainable change can take place.

 

Perhaps those with billions should give something to the millions with bugger all.

[Guest]

When i venture to the nightlife zones, i wonder how many men, good men, would die to have a wife like some of these girls, that is, if they were 'good' girls.

 

Myself included, if they were in fact 'good' girls taking a moment of their precious time to look for a 'real' boyfriend, they may find much much more than just a few baht.

 

I hear about on these friendfinder.com web sites how girls emails are 'flooded' with, yes, 1000's of emails, they don't even have time to look at them all. Most of these girls, however, aren't in the game, and just looking for friends to practice there English and see how many men show an interest in them.

 

Good news for bar girls just wanting to exploit for cash, but it seems bar girls unfortunately don't have the time (or brains) to realize this, or to sit down and think of their alternatives.

 

Quick and easy, the bargirl motto. Sanuk, saduak, sabai. Computers take brain power...

 

The girls in the article above, unless they are butt ugly, still might consider 'love' an option, finding an older farang, funny they just never consider it...what they want is someone they don't love, who they can pretend to love, and who is going to hand over their life fortune.

 

Or, how about when the girls return home with the 'millions', they keep a 'secret' bank account for the bad days, or are they just blind to their parents, friends, relatives, brothers, friends dog's, greed?

 

How about the zillions of farangs who are daily exploited for their fortunes? That ain't sad though, right?

[Guest lazyphil]

<<How about the zillions of farangs who are daily exploited for their fortunes? That ain't sad though, right?>>

 

They get exploited if they keep their brains in their pants (underwear for Americans)

 

 

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

"I have about as much sympathy for her as I would someone who had turned to selling drugs as a way to acquire a nice (show piece) home, car and other possessions and flaunt them in the faces of poorer neighbors."

I think you are being too harsh. The girl(s) left with the idea of improving their life and that of their family, and upon return found that the family had taken / squandered it all.

 

Sounds to me that it is the family that wanted to flaunt, not so much the girl. And besides what is wrong with wanting a better house (especially if the current one is a hovel), or some of the modern amenities you and I have grown accustomed to?

 

Sanuk!

 

[pattaya127]

totally agree with you, KS. Bahnawk and LHL just castigated the girls, and let the families off. No wonder Bgs get the thumb down with such attitudes.

This thread is in direct relation to comments on another thread i made about daughters feeling dutiful to the parents and kins to the point of giving up their lives and be only bodies. Sorry guys, I feel immense compassion for them, but also anger that the system is so ingrained in them that it made them victims of their own families stupidity. Such attitudes as you have also explains why these women have no real self-esteem to stand up for themselves. Only whores? I beg to differ.