pattaya127 Posted October 30, 2003 Report Share Posted October 30, 2003 I would arrange her to meet you and your GF in a neutral ground, such as a bank that you can deposit money back or just showing her a bank account of the amount. ------------------------- Why, he should not be trusted? He's done his best trying to work things out, i think it is now up to the GF to show she can be trusted in her love for him, take care of things (at 36, not impossible ), and have him come, relax, not worry anymore and enjoy his next trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torrenova Posted October 30, 2003 Report Share Posted October 30, 2003 I think that Jasmine was the first one to hit the nail on the head here. Any payment is not to "purchase" the bride and should be returned, it being only a show of intention. Even for a pretty young girl without any kids, the Sin Sot would never reach 6 figures in Issan. Only when the farang becomes involved does the family start to view his arrival either as a means of paying off current debt or providing the means for a better future lifestyle or spending spree. I've never got that far down the road but it may happen one day and I would stand firm, and be prepared to walk away, if I though that the family viewed me as they ATM. Its not the couple og grand up fornt but the endless requests which you know will follow. To that end, I advise all contemplating marriage to make sure that they have spent sufficient time with their TG to understand her parents' views on matters such as these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2003 Report Share Posted October 31, 2003 Just want to clarify one thing. No law says you have to pay sinsot. No law says they have to return the sinsot. the law says they keep the sinsot. what happens out of these context is whatever you want to call: culture, greed, generosity, love, hate, relationship, respect, compromise, kindness, face. hope you can solve this soon, and all the happiness to both of you. TG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted October 31, 2003 Report Share Posted October 31, 2003 [color:"red"] Why, he should not be trusted? He's done his best trying to work things out, i think it is now up to the GF [/color] P127, you have missed my point. I replied to the posting saying that HST did not want to carry cash to show the mother. The safest way is showing up the bank just to show the cash or pass book and deposit it (cash) back). Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2003 Report Share Posted October 31, 2003 Now you are going to visit the village with a pocketful of cash to entice the old woman. I think that is a crass movie with no dignity in it whatsoever. Are you buying livestock? No. You are seeking the blessings to wed your fiancee. The flash the cash thing is way beneath your honor and it stinks. I think it is a mistake. I completely agree with these statements. I think your plan is a mistake as JJ points out -- and is also setting up a situation where everyone stands to lose face. Remember that a number like 300,000 baht is just an abstraction to a woman in the mother's position. She probably can't really understand what 300,000 baht actually looks like. By bringing up a huge wad and flashing it around in front of her you will actually be instantiating and reinforcing the notion that you are flush with cash and that a huge amount is a triviality to you. In this regard, the difference between 100k and 300k is considerably smaller than between say 25k and 100k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted October 31, 2003 Report Share Posted October 31, 2003 P127, you have missed my point. ----------------------- Not at all, I just think his word should be good enough to his GF, this whole thing about showing you have the money is just dragging things at the low level. He's bent enough like that out of love, IMO. No matter what some thai segments of society think how things are done, we farangs do not have to stoop down and humilioate ourselves. From everything i gather, the ball is in the Mom and GF's court, not his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 1, 2003 Report Share Posted November 1, 2003 [color:"red"]we farangs do not have to stoop down and humilioate ourselves. From everything i gather, the ball is in the Mom and GF's court, not his. [/color] I am sorry you feel that way P127. I feel the GF has a very good, valid point, however, it is difficult to understand for people from the West. I know that you feel you understand the situation but, still, as kind as you are you have missed the GF's point and mine. The GF should know her mother and I do respect that. Showing the money will jolt the mother to realize the fact that she can have the money or nothing at all. Some people needs strong, explicit action to realize the reality. I sure would not want to be in the GF's shoes, torn between a lover and mother. I might choose to end it all, however, I don't have such mother, thanks God. My mother have have put my happiness as the most important thing and would have thought that a mother as the GF's should be a shame to have, IMO. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 1, 2003 Report Share Posted November 1, 2003 [color:"red"] what happens out of these context is whatever you want to call: culture, greed, generosity, love, hate, relationship, respect, compromise, kindness, face. [/color] True statement, however, those things metioned abve can be more important to many people than any law. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSTEACH Posted November 1, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2003 Thanks to all that offered opinions, suggestions, etc. Now it's a waiting game. It's time for the other side to make a move. I'm a patient person, but it does have it's limits. They may have their demands , but I have my principles and I'm firm in my resolve. If it doesn't get pass the impass stage, well, my to disappointment, it'll be time to move on. Life does go on. Again thanks.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted November 1, 2003 Report Share Posted November 1, 2003 it is difficult to understand for people from the West ------------------------- No, we understand, and most of all, HS understands. It's about greed and him getting finally some acting support from his next wife. I think his walking on eggs not to make the situation more contentious shows he does not ignore the traditional bond between daughter and family. Maybe, you forget that he has had to deal with this for many months now. There is a contentious attitude from the Mom in this specific case, and bringing reason in it has nothing to do with misunderstood thai ways. Moreover, it is obvious that him being a farang has encouraged the Mom not to think along thai lines as far as numbers and having her daughter's happiness at heart. there may be more like her in Thailand as far as being greedy and putting a price on her daughter, but a reflection on thai customs, it isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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