HSTEACH Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 In a previous thread I started several months ago about dealing with an outrageous amt. asked for sinsot, I asked the question what to do? For all the answers... thanks In the days following that thread, my future wife assured me she would take care of it, she would talk to her mom and explain I wasn't the rich farang her mother assumed we all are. Well, that conversation between mom and daughter finally happened and mom is adament, to her daughter's disbelief ,that the original amt. stands. There will be NO changes. There will be NO wedding at Christmas unless the full amount is paid. The amt. I'm speaking of is 300,000 Baht. Now the future wife is a good ole Issan girl of limited education, GTG, never marriied, no kids. and pretty damn close to her sale date, being 36, and sinsot for someone of her status is nowhere near what mom is asking. I offered what I thoughtt was a very generous amt of 100, 000 Baht which most people say is extremely generous for a woman of my GFs status. Now what to do? Bypassing mom is out of the question, negotiating with her is at an standstill, even by another Thai. She's wants to play hardball, and I'm at the point of throwing in the towel. I hate to reward a greedy old woman by bowing to her demands, and I won't. Hell, 300,000 Baht is a lot to a teacher. Even if I had that amt to spare, I wouldn't pay it to this old bag. I told my GF, the marriage would have to be put on indeffinite hold. This really distresses her. Hell, it distresses me! Ok guys, I need direction of where to go now. BTW, this whole thing is starting to leave a very bitter taste in my mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Teach, I remember reading your previous thread, and it reminded of my ex gf. Isaan, 31, divorced, one kid. In my opinion, undeserving of a sin sot. When the topic came up, she suggested a million baht. Yep, a million, this is not a typo, do not adjust your television sets. My reaction to that figure was "get real, i don't even have a million baht!"... she didn't believe it. You see, she'd been listening to her friends and watching Hollywood TV, and had assumed all farangs drove Ferraris, and were loaded. I suppose we are to the average Isaan buffalo herder, but that doesn't mean we are stupid. In the end, we parted ways. Later I did find out she was simply "fishing" and would have "settled" for a sin sot free wedding. Her mum (who is the ultimate "non materialistic" type) scolded her for even suggesting I pay a penny. My opinion, since you asked... maybe she (mum) is simply hanging out for a big offer, and trying her darndest to get whatever she can out of it. I know it sounds like a cattle auction, but maybe she knows you two are in love, and you are going to stick together whatever happens. Maybe mum thinks you'll eventually back down, and won't let 300,000B get in the way of your marriage. If I were you I'd stick to my guns, especially if I think the missus will back me up. Give her the choice... 100K (or whatever sum you feel is generous without taking the piss), or zero and elope. Keep us tuned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crofty68 Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Living in sin is looking a whole lot rosier, Right? Never been there Teach, good luck. Is your girlfriend very keen on getting married. I say this as, rightly, you seem to have a serious roadblock ahead.It is easy to set down dispassionately on a piece of paper pluses & minuses, but you care about this women. If you love this women stick to it. I am not an Thai expert but she should stick by you if she wants to be with you, even discountimg Thai familial connections & their alleged bind. EDIT {We humans tend to blame the things we do on religion ethnicity & other reasons, the truth can be far simpler if we are more honest with ourselves & others..IMHO} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Teach, Tough one, sorry to hear it is not solved yet....... looks like me that the mother is the key to the amount, but your GF is still the key to all. Without money, no blessing from the hag, but without the GF, what then ? Tell her to get married without her moms' blessing, and thats it. No, I do not have experience, but a future marriage with my GF, sin sot has not been discussed yet, but just a formality as every single penny will be returned to us anyway, but for face, there has to be a large cheque on the table. Good luck ! Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redbaron Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Of course, if the money's to be returned, the amount (as far as we, the future husbands) are concerned, is irrelevant. I assume HS's future mother in law is going to keep the dosh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BelgianBoy Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Red, I assume the same thing, otherwise this discussion would be pointless, that is why the hag is important in deciding the amount, but the GF is still the key in deciding what will happen....... listen to mommy or - hopefully - listen to her heart and defy her mom. Cheers ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 Hi, Sorry about the sin sod. My family did not get a penny of sin sod. :: Originally, sin sod was designed for the security of the bride, that means, the bride gets to keep it but your case sounds like selling a daughter. I understand your GF feeling though because many Thai women are brought up to love their parents. There is a saying that "Spouse comes and goes, ones have only one set of parents". What I will do is (I know it is easy for me to say it) giving the amount you are comfortable with and get your GF to understand. If the mother (I almost called her "hag") still does not give her blessings, go without it, who wants the blessings of such mother anyhow? The big thing is your GF, I feel for her. You must stand firm or else, the rest of the mother's life, there will be no ends on her demands. By the way, a Thai man will pay around 10,000 Baht, IMO. Hope you and GF will find the way. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 O.k. time for some tough love. Very simply put, it is ultimateum time! You control the cash, and he with the cash makes the rules, plain and simple. I would advise you to talk seriously with your GF and ask point blank "what happens if I will not pay ANY Sin Sot?" Then judge her answer accordingly. Make it clear you want to marry her, but you WILL NOT pay this amount. Explain that you feel you are starting out bad with her mother, and don't like it, thus need to lay the law down early. If you are so inclined and able, explain that you will help when and where you can, AND DEEM NECESSARY! You will not be held hostage no matter what, and make your resentment clearly known! Then ask your GF to make a decision. Assuming she truly loves you, and this is not a financial deal for her, then you will have a clear upper hand, and a wife, and maybe gain some face with her mother, who obviously thinks you are a push over. Should your GF go with her mother, then your answer is clear, and sad to say, you need to reconcider this deal, as it is purely financial. I had some problems with the exs (Filipino) family bleeding us, and her not wanting to do anything about it. In the end, I had to employ tough love and lay the law down about who would get what, and when and if they would get it! There was a lot of scoffing at first, but a few "shut up, I don't cares..." and the problem reversed, and I now had some status with her family, as it was I controlling the cash flow, and they all wanted some, many got nothing I'll add, they just didn't need it. I have heard of a few cases where the Sin Sot was inclusive of the wedding expenses, all food and drink, and any extras, so figure if 100,000 was a typical Sin Sot, and another 100,000 for expenses, party what not, then 200,000 might be o.k., but I think this may be stretching things a bit. Did hear of a temple in BKK that will do a same day wedding ceremony for 4000 bhat... I'll ask my friend for the name! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 <<but just a formality as every single penny will be returned to us anyway, but for face, there has to be a large cheque on the table>> BB--I absolutely fail to see the point in giving money then to have it given back--seems like complete and utter nonsense to me :: :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Hippie Posted October 25, 2003 Report Share Posted October 25, 2003 All part of the show! I was at a wedding once up country, in Chiyapom, where the Sin Sot was counted over a loud speaker, tell me that family wasn't asking for trouble! Supposedly most of it was returned, but here was this family giving the appearance of getting some rediculis fee for Sin Sot! I suppose they could then brag that they are so well off, they gave it back...I resent the practice, but well, go with the flow...to a reasonable point... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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