Difficulities Continue with Sinsot

[Guest]

I think if we did a vote, most of would agree that "flashing the cash" is not the best idea. It shows disrespect, brings us down to the level of the person we have a concern with, and as WYD said, it may not be a very safe option.

 

Finding the "villiage chief" sounded like a good idea. Who knows, maybe you can find someone at the temple she wants to donate all the money to who can help?

 

I can imagine the sadness a guy could feel to be in love with a Thai lady and have to go through this. I think the advice of slowing things down ("when in doubt, move a pawn") is easier for me to say because I am not in your shoes. Another idea I saw here was to marry the lady in your own country. If I were going to marry a lady from Asia, I would think it would be good for her to visit America first ("Land of Business"). I am not sure that America is always what people think it is. People here also have to work really hard to make a dollar and we have our share of crime, drugs, violance, and poor and really screwed up people.

 

Rug

[Old Hippie]

O.k. just some gas for the fire...if this woman wants to give all the money to finish the temple and make merit for herself, isn't she really suing your money,? and isn't she really using decit and trechery to do so? Thus, wouldn't her good deed be canceled by the means she used to do it? Thus wouldn't the merit really belong to HST?

[HSTEACH]

Sure, I would love to bring her here for a visit, but there's the visa question. B2 visas are almost impossible to get for most Thais from the DoS due to the overstay problem. The only way would be a K-1 (fiance visa) which is the direction I'm leaning toward.

 

Still no progress on the sinsot problem. My fiance is working on the problem, tho she hasn't said what direction she's taking. In the mean time it's a waiting game. Maybe when I get to BKK for Christmas, things may be closer to a solution.

 

I'll leave everything thing up to my fiance now. Not much I can do from 11,000 miles away.

[Guest]

Jas,

I agree with you that face is a big issue and also in case of marriage. But I am also of the opnion that this is not so much a case of face but more a case of being able to show off. OK, I'll admit that being able to show off for some (non only in Thailand) is perceived as gaining face. But showing off with someone elses wealth?

 

I've been here a long time but this is one issue that I cannot accept. (even though I may understand it)

I don't like showing off at all, don't like to flash my wealth around and I won't use it for others to do so either.

I myself will never pay a sin sot. It's like buying a wife and would always be in the back of my mind. That doesn't mean I would not help out financially if the other half's family is much less well off. But only when my money is put to good use. Towards improving conditions, income potential, education for younger family members etc.

 

Requests for large (non returnable) SinSots can also be seen when 2 Thais marry. It can put tremendous pressure on the young couple. I know of some that are both trying to save every penny to to come up with the demand, even entering illegal activities to do so. Then they get married and start out with nothing. This is a recipe for early failure of the marriage.

 

Parents demands for Sin Sot are a social ill, just like the demand for daughters to send money home on a monthly basis. For the poorer Thais monies they can ill affort wothout resorting to prostitution or other forms of illegal activity.

 

Wealthy families wanting to flash their wealth at weddings. Well that another issue alltogether.

 

 

[pattaya127]

 

 

 

 

Parents demands for Sin Sot are a social ill

--------------------------------

very nicely put. Correct too. To hear one poor thai guy say he can't marry a GF or have a wife because he doesn't have sin sod money makes you realize how so-called tradition keeps people down. Add a few other dozens ingrained traditions that tell you what place society gives you, and one starts to understand a few not so rosy things about Thailand.

 

 

 

HSTEACH

The only way would be a K-1 (fiance visa) which is the direction I'm leaning toward.

----------------------

HS, curious as to why you did not go this way first, like so many would do? Who had the marriage idea first?

 

 

 

OH:

Thus, wouldn't her good deed be canceled by the means she used to do it? Thus wouldn't the merit really belong to HST?

--------------------

Here i have to side with jasmine. this lady may be tought and greedy, but we are the ones throwing the stone at her, she probabaly feels in her own mind what she is doing is the right thing to do.

But, yes, a bad deed would negate the merit wanted by an action. Even more, the act of giving should be selfless,and without the intention of gaining social recognition or self-pride thru the act of giving. This last paragraph, added by courtesy as P127, A&C mod .

[HSTEACH]

dK-1 vs. K-3 visas. Ok here goes....

The two, really three ways to bring a wife or prsopective wife/fiance to the US are 1) K-1 fiancee visa, 2) K-3 visa, or 3) filing an I-130 dependant visa.

 

The K-1 alllows a nonmarried partner to come to the US and get married within a 90 day window. After the legal marriage, the foreign spouse files for adjustment of status... simply speaking... filing for a permanent green card.. eventually naturalization as a citizen of the US. If the foreign GF/BF does not marry by the allowed 90 day window, he'she has to return to his/her originating country. The K-1 visa is expired.

 

The K-3 visa requires the legal marriage of the foreign spouse in their native country and the filing of an I-130 ( requesting that the foreign partner can immigrate to the US.). Normally while this I-130 was being processed, which can be lengthy, the foreign spouse had to remain in their country of residence until the petition was approved. Congress modified this process several years ago with The Family Life Act. One segment of that congressional ,action was to allow the foreign spouse to come to the US to be with her/his American spouse while the I-130 was processed. Thus was born the K-3 visa.

 

My original plans called for a marriage in the village, registration of the marriage at the Ampur in BKK, filing of the I-130, and then filing for the K-3, which would allow her to come to the states, instead of remaining in Thailand the year or so until the I-130 was approved. If I had filed for the K-3. she would have probably been in the states before summer, if by the I-120, probably in Thailand till next Christmas.

 

Now with all the chaos with the family, I'll file the the I-129F petition so she could apply for a K-1 visa. That process as it stands now, will be a 7-8 month process. When she arrives in the states, if we still decide to marry, fine, if not she'll return to Thailand, nobody is penalized, BUT if I went the K-3 route, I'd have to register the marriage in Thailand at Christmas, therefore being legally married in Thailand and since it's a legal; marriage in Thailand, it's recognizes as legal in the US. I'm not about to be legally married until these "family"issues are resolved.

 

That being said, if I proceed with the K-1, it'll take at least 6-8 months, maybe more, before she could come here. Minds could change before that visa was issued. If minds did change, I would not be legally tied by law to someone who wouldn't/couldn't come to the states.

 

Jesus, hope I didn't confuse anyone.

 

 

[Stickman]

Now this is a good idea indeed... You are right, many Thais live in the present and a smaller offering now would likely be taken... This 50K in 100s is a great idea!

 

In the case of my paying sin sod, it was all agreed up front what would happen - it would all come back.

 

As Westerners, we associate paying for things with ownership, and thus the mere idea of the sin sod paid can change our whole way of thinking, in such a way that I think can be harmful to the marriage...

 

Stick

[Guest]

>>>Now this is a good idea indeed... You are right, many Thais live in the present and a smaller offering now would likely be taken... This 50K in 100s is a great idea!<<<

 

 

i do not think so.

that will bring the negotiations to the extreme face level, meaning that an action like this will make the mother losing so much face that no amount will ever be accepted, and she will do everything to stop the relationship.

the problem is that it is easy for us to say as we are not in HSteach's situation.

i have no solution, and i would not know what to do apart from taking a lot of time, hoping that the mother softens up, or simply goes the way every old person has to go.

maybe if the girl agrees, no villageceremony, but just a registration in the ampur, so that they can apply for a visa.

 

i was lucky - never anything like a singsot has been demanded ever, we were never pressed to marry. i actually only heard the first time of those extreme singsot problems here on the boards.

[pattaya127]

i actually only heard the first time of those extreme singsot problems here on the boards.

-------------------------------

Thinking about how that Mom got into the high sum because of another farang marrying in the village, I am afraid that indeed, sums we never heard about before are getting ubiquitous by sheer peer pressure, so to speak. Because a few of my friends never paid it, I was also of the mind that it was gullible farangs who paid it, at least these 100K range+ we talk about. Correct me, old hands, but i think this a new disquieting trend.

[rovineye]

Concise and correct explianation. Well done.

 

The other option you did not mention, is her coming on a tourist visa and them marrying here and applying for AOS. Not illegal as long as it was not "planned" that way. Many do, including a guy I work with. Not saying it is better, easier Just different and quicker, IF she can get a tourist visa.