ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER?

[JJsushi]

Welcome to my world. I am a cheater through and through. Every chick I have been with I have been unfaithful to.

 

Before I ever heard of Thailand I would have several farang girlfriends at the same time(sharing the love I called it). When I thought I found the one special farang chick that would settle me down, I got rid of all the others. I went to Thailand and for the first time for business and for the first time in my life paid for a prostitute. I rationalized "it's not cheating because it's a prostitute!". I went to other international locales and continued to do the same thing. My mottto was it was sex and not love.

 

I got rid of my farang GF(because of the marital pressure) and hooked up with a TG who was a BG, went back home continued sleeping with farang chicks and said to myself " it's not cheating because the TG used to be a BG and plus she is not with me in the States".

 

I got rid of the ex-BG and got involved with non-BG's. I thought I was going to turn a new leaf with the university educated Thai girls from good families. Well I got bored with that and started messing with BG's again because I rationalized that Thai men cheat so I can do the same plus I had alot of fun with BG's in ways that I could not with mainstream Thai chicks. Okay now I am back to one mainstream TG, one ex-BG and one FG and I can't let any of them go. Totally selfish wouldn't you say?

 

I am convinced even if I married I would still cheat my ass off, hence my apprehension in taking those wedding vows. I know if I ever married and settled in LOS I would most definitely cheat my ass off. The place is crawling with lonely women. Gorgeous sweet, and lovely lonely women willing to dedicate themselves to a good man.

 

Being unfaithful really sucks, if only women knew the trouble men go through for them. The lies I create, time I expend and financial expenses that I endure to keep those 3 women happy is proof enough how much I love them. Wouldn't you say?

 

I feel really crappy at times because I have spurned and burned women who would make excellent wives and in many cases are happily married today. The best one was probably an ex-BG who married some lucky chap in Belgium( I was an idiot to let her go). . . there was also the Chula educated girl(can't remember why I let her go) working for my company who eventually married an associate from one of my company training programs.

 

This one man one woman stuff is pure bullocks IMO.

Any hope/help for the unfaithful who want to be faithful?

 

 

BTW- I can accept criticism and even harsh opinions but I draw the line at "holier than thou sermons"

[Old Hippie]

Oddly enough, I think we have something in common. It seems everytime I have the potential for a really great girl, I sabotage my efforts by cheating or (usually the case) dragging my feet. I lose the girl, and decide it is o.k. to go and get more, I end up with several "on line" at the same time, and never settle on one until it is to late. Then the pattern repeats, I go and get more, the crop gets widdled down, and the pattern seems never ending...maddening at times. Of course a little understanding from women at times would help...

[Guest]

There's NO hope for you jj. ::

 

Best you can do is act like an Asian Gentleman. Marry a wonderful, smart, beautiful Asian girl, who understands that having a Mia Noi or two, is a healthy thing and that love and sex are different animals. Learn never to embarass either of them and live the life you really want too.

 

Mind you, the farang ladies in your life will probably think you the makings of a dirty old man and all your male friends will either be jealous or hate your guts, or both. But then you shouldn't be living your life for anyone except yourself anyway.

 

As always, learning to accept yourself, and be it, is the hardest part. Best of luck.

[Guest lazyphil]

Move to Moab

[Guest]

*Being muslim that you can have 4 wifes in the same time.*

 

Cheat is cheat, whatver you play with BG or Non-BG. unhonest to your girlfriend is called "CHEAT".... it's my woman's thought...... If you can lie to your girl, it's meant you lied to yourself also. if you aren't ready to have the commitment your serioius relationship with someone, let do what you want. But if you settle down with one woman and you cheat on her.... you are the only one who knows how you feel after you did............

 

Regards,

[Guest]

Hey JJ I think I understand how you feel. I however have NEVER cheated on any woman I was with. The guilt would just make me feel so bad. That is why my last relationship was so long ago. I like change and diversity in my women. I cannot be in a relationship because I feel if you are with a woman (and agree to a relationship) then you should be faithful. Once I am in the relationship though I find I feel I am missing out. I dealt with those feelings until my girl stepped out on ME. Then I decided to just play the field and I have not looked back. Hey, at the end of the day you are accountable to yourself only and if you can live with your actions then go for it. Me, I think I will cheat someday, but have not yet...

 

Oneye

[JJsushi]

whiteorchid said:

*Being muslim that you can have 4 wifes in the same time.*

 

Cheat is cheat, whatver you play with BG or Non-BG. unhonest to your girlfriend is called "CHEAT".... it's my woman's thought...... If you can lie to your girl, it's meant you lied to yourself also. if you aren't ready to have the commitment your serioius relationship with someone, let do what you want. But if you settle down with one woman and you cheat on her.... you are the only one who knows how you feel after you did............

 

Regards,

 

You are absolutely correct and I can't argue your view. Problem is that the lies are inevitable. I have yet to meet a lady that is okay with just being friends and sexually involved at the same time. Even if they do so initially, feelings develop, bonds form and commitment becomes instilled.

I have never been caught cheating except that one time as a Freshman university student. The women don't know I am unfaithful and they are all happy in their ignorance.

Women want exclusive relationships. My Christian upbringing does make being unfaithful a burden. I do truly love every woman I am with but I liken it to eating cereal-I can't eat corn flakes everyday, every now and then I need some Fruit Loops - I'm a big fan of the Kellogs variety pack.

[jitagawn]

I do not feel we(men) are genetically geared to mongomy from both a biological nor anthropoligical point of view. This bedding as many females to propigate our species does come from some aspect of being male much in the same way women are more geared towards nesting and maintaing the nest.( Flamers go easy until I am done...these are just broad views there is always the exception. )Yet many of us who come from the Judeo-Christian ethic of fidelity as witnessed by our parents have a very tough phychological struggle between these two levels of both thought and action. Thanks Dad who I loved and admired dearly but I know he never ever was with another women than my Mom...True yet burdensome...

I personally feel lying is the worst and if a women asks me a questiopn I tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. However I do not rub my behavior in the face of someone I love.

 

My answer is a bit of balance and extreme moderation in the Buddhist manner if you can pull it off.

 

These are age old questions indeed.

JJ What? You thnk it is going to be easy-not a chance... :: :: ::

[Guest]

[color:"blue"] My Christian upbringing does make being unfaithful a burden [/color]

 

Herein, sir you have found the root of your problem.

 

It is not the multiple partners that is the problem.

 

It is this dogma of your religion that causes the guilt and necessitates the lies. And that sir, is another issue altogether.

 

Deprogramming yourself from the control of any organized religion is a daunting task in the least. They've had 2000 years to practise on the manpulation of we mere mortals.

 

But conceive of your life without guilt, or impossed moralities, or ostacization for following your personal conscience. Perhaps this will inspire you to become 'you'.

[Fiery Jack]

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

 

Dunno, chief, but... so far, so good. :: Yours is a very poignant and honest post, I think : I hear you knocking, and you're already on my living room couch drinking a beer.

 

To be truthful, I do think that a leopard can probably change his spots (there is a fantastic range of hair colorants available nowadays ), and an old dog definitely can be taught new tricks: they've just got to WANT to change or re-learn. Without the self knowledge to identify an undesirable (to one's self) aspect of being or personality/behaviour, and then the will and strength to alter it permanently, the song will remain the same until we die. That's why I am emotionally unbalanced, an alcoholic, and a liar. I have identified these "problem parts" in my personality long ago and repeatedly striven to "correct" them but never with 100% success. I can only conclude that the task is a hopeless one and that, "deep down", I do not really want wholly to rid my soul of these problematic elements (because, in fact, I enjoy degrees of what they bring to my life, and find my life duller if I banish them). Having given up hope of being "perfect", then, or "perfectly good" I merely get on with my life acknowledging these character "flaws", and try to limit the damage and/or clear up the aftermath as quickly, quietly, and tidily as I can when the demons come to call. And, boy, they come to call.

 

And, indeed, surprise surprise, one of the many things I lie awake at night experiencing unfocused feelings of guilt about (before repeating the same predictable guilt-inducing "crime" a few days later) is infidelity to my current very long term partner. But I know I'm an unredeemable repeat offender. I cannot swear that I even want to live any differently in that compartment of my life either. Marriage, for me, was a huge mistake because of that more than anything else. And I have paid for it in many ways since, but yet I do not alter my behaviour nor my attitude. The only thing I have learned is that I can never marry again, or shouldn't, for even if I do and pledge to myself and to her to remain monogamous, it will (quickly, usually) end in tears and, once more, they will not be tears of joy.

 

I don't consider myself abnormal (not in this respect, anyway ) just a man who is as honest to himself as he can be and accepts what he is and cannot become. I still feel guilty and wretched when I stray, though, but I suspect it's more the criminal's shallow remorse at being "caught" (in my case, most often caught by my own heart), rather than any nobler emotion.

 

The Oxford English dictionary gives "swindler, deceiver" as synonyms for "cheater". You know you're going to deceive and swindle her: that's a given. The best a man can do in terms of damage limitation is, then, at least not to compound the offence and add insult to injury by swindling and deceiving himself.

 

jack