Ckrisg Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 Found this on Ajarn.com, one of Bangklok Phils thought it needed an update 40 things that I miss about life in England (for the sheer hell of it) 1)Standing outside Gregg's the Bakers eating a hot sausage roll with proper sausage meat in it 53p per sausage roll these days 2) Fields of daffodils and spring lambs Oh golden days 3) A pint of bitter shandy at some isolated country pub If you can find one thatâ??s still open 4) The phenomenal selection of quality microwave meals at Tesco Lotus Tesco Lotus, Tesco Lotus its just Tesco, but its true about the microwave meals 5) Driving through ten villages and knowing that each and every one will have its own identity Teenage tearaways, stuck up second home owners and no pubs or post office 6) Church bells on a Sunday morning Alongside the wailings from the Mosque its not quite the same 7) The first frosty morning that's always good for the Brussels sprouts And for seeing your farts later 8) A lonely train station that sees barely six passengers a day and yet still manages to keep a guy in the ticket office under full employment Long gone 9) Elderly shop assistants in newsagents and off-licences who address you as 'my love' or 'lover' Unfortunately they can now be sued for sexual discrimination or harassment for calling you my â??loveâ?? or â??loverâ?? 10) Strawberry bon-bons, Jaffa Cakes, Jammy Dodgers and Wagon Wheels. Need I say more? So true but not seen a Wagon Wheel for a long time 11) Pedestrian crossings that actually function as pedestrian crossings The British obsession with Traffic laws shall never, never be surrendered 12) Fleeting exchanges with fellow walkers and ramblers such as 'turned out nice again hasn't it?' Ran into the George Formby appreciatation Society on your last walk then 13) The football pools man Long gone thanks to the Lottery and several robbing fucâ?¦â?¦â?¦. Who never posted the entries 14) A 50p each-way bet in the local Ladbrokes and ripping up the slip as 'Lucky Jim' limps in half hour after every other horse Nothing changes other than I think itâ??s 5 pound minimum these days 15) Shouting up a piece of plaice or haddock when you enter a fish and chip shop If you can find a Fish and Chip shop amongst all the Indians and Chinese 16) The overwhelming cheerfulness of charity collectors as they shake their tins And piss themselves thinking â??gullible titâ?? 17) The sound of leather against willow on the village green All the Village Greens have been sold to Barretts Housing for executive Housing 18) Queuing at bus-stops and the general orderliness of public transportation Swearing, shouting, pushing and cursing the driver in eight different languages is now the norm at Bus Stops 19) Bizarre craft shops that are run as purely a labour of love and sell bizarre nic-nacs that no one would ever buy See Pound-land 20) Off-the-peg trousers and jackets that actually fit the normal human being Ok if normal is six foot two with a 30 waist 21) Rummaging around in charity shops If you must, however with Pound-land its not really worth it anymore 22) Sunday morning football A sad past time for blokes who canâ??t enjoy a good Saturday night out 23) Feeding the ducks All gone on Asylum Seeker barbeques 24) That unmistakable Sunday morning chorus of electric lawnmowers and hedge-clippers Oh to be middle class, Sunday morning chorus in most British towns is now Police sirens, and wailings from the Mosque and Polish hooligans 25) A sandwich and a cappuccino from Pret-A-Manger About 8 pounds sterling now 26) Sheltered harbours, fishing smacks, jaunty fisher-folk, the smell of sardines and shitloads of seagulls Last time I went to Blackpool it was vomit, the smell of fish and chips, and jaunty stag nights, still shitloads of seagulls 27) The whole country coming to a standstill thanks to two inches of snow. Some things never change 28) "Can you spare a pound for an old gypsy?" Its illegal to call them gipsies, its Travellers now 29) The pride in wearing a poppy as Remembrance Sunday draws near I agree unfortunately you now run the risk of offending Muslims and anti war heroes 30) Getting invited to a wedding and deep down, actually quite looking forward to it The booze the punch up, the arguments, I do too 31) Front page newspaper photos of people eating ice-cream and splashing about in paddling pools just because the thermometer has gone above 68 Fahrenheit See earlier comment on snow 32) Old people who still refer to things as 'four shillings and ha'penny' despite the UK going decimal almost 40 years ago All dead now, and if they had been a shopkeeper prosecuted under EEC Law, which only the British obey 33) The laughable predictability of bank holiday traffic jams Same same 34) Morris dancers A very strange English pastime 35) The English affection for its dogs Now being used as bait at illegal dog fights and for Badger Baiting 36) Stewed tea, burnt toast, lumpy mashed potato and tough steak Greasy Spoon cafes, mostly a thing of the past, but my mum can still be relied upon 37) Car boot sales and Sunday markets - and having the audacity to ask the seller if they'd 'take fifty pence for it' Quite right too 38) English fruit - strawberries, apples, plums and cherries - that look like shit, are in season for about 72 hours, but taste like no fruit you've ever tasted before. And also give you the shits due to the abolition of any food controls during the Thatcher years 39) Affordable cheap plonk (if only for cooking with) The country awash with it mostly on the pavements on a Saturday night 40) Chinese and Indian take-aways on every single high street Now being run alongside the Iranian, Iraq and Polish takeaways, god bless immigration controls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 Oh, dear ... reminds me of going back to the States in the '90s to find the motels all run by the Patels, the convenience shops all Indian or Pakistani, and a mosque being built - to say nothing of having to make a bank withdrawal before buying a small bag (plastic now) of groceries. And this was before the Hispanics all starting moving north. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 This reads like 40 of my 100 reasons to become an expat 20 years ago! Read it and weep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelseafan Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 The biggest thing to fuck up this country (other than Labour) is the 'uman rights act. Its basically giving liscense to sue whoever, whenever over whatever..... Just robbed a house, stolen the owners life savings, but cut yourself on the glass that you broke to get in ? sue the owners, they should of had shatter-glass!!! Also no-one takes responsiblity anymore - tripped over the pavement cos you were pissed and had a shoelace undone? well it aint your fault, its the councils for not making sure the walkway is even. This country stinks, I am not proud to be British anymore and I am not alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 you bunch of miserable pesamistic negative old gits . wherever you have a chav infested cesspit you have the opposite still, country pubs, penguin chocolate bars, peaceful country roads, sunday roasts etc, mayday (5th) i'm taking littlun to the reach mayday fair again (oldest festival in the country still going strong) near newmarket, morris dancers, helter scelters, jousting, warm beer at dykes end pub 26) Sheltered harbours, fishing smacks, jaunty fisher-folk, the smell of sardines and shitloads of seagulls Last time I went to Blackpool it was vomit, the smell of fish and chips, and jaunty stag nights, still shitloads of seagulls clearly the writer not been to wells next to sea, crabbing on the harbor wall with fresh fish and chips. the english sea side idyl still exists. i'm accutley aware of how aspects of the uk are going belly up but there is plenty of traditional places left and plenty of respectful people not bent on peddling drugs and being anti social scum. put your blinkers on and get on with life i say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted April 17, 2008 Report Share Posted April 17, 2008 After almost 14 years away, I am heading back there for good in July. Can't feckin wait Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Cheer up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayjann Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 #3--plenty of olde worldly pubs in my area,great food and great real ale. my favourite is an old coaching inn over 500 Years old with great views over the South Downs. #5--same same as #3,we have many villages mentioned in the Doomsday Book. many still have Norman Churches with the bells ringing on a Sunday Morning and then off to the Village Green for a Cricket Match. local Cricket just 10 Minutes walk from me and a great way to spend a Summer's Day with a few beers. #15--great fish and chip shop near me. in a small arcade with an Indian and 2 Chinese take-aways but all good food and i frequent them all. #26--don't have to go too far from me to enjoy all that stuff and the West Country is a delight to visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibblies Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 20) Off-the-peg trousers and jackets that actually fit the normal human being Ok if normal is six foot two with a 30 waist I think you got this one wrong. I'm approximately a 30 inch waist and increasingly often I can't find my size because shops are now catering to a nation of fatties. But waist size 38" and over - no problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ckrisg Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 All wrote very much tongue in cheek, just don't think Bangkok Phil could ever return to the 'Darling Buds in May England', that he left many moons ago. Bibblies Speaking as a fattie with very short legs where are you shopping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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