It truly amazes me

[jasmine]

For me, I admire couples who are not fluent in a common language but are happy, however I also am aware that there are other types of communication besides speaking the same language. Being away from Thailand for a long time, I have been lucky to work and live in a country that respect personal choices. However, the story below makes me hesitate to say that the beloved USA has no ?class? system. I know the details because I was the one who helped the woman with school and other legal issues. Names are fictional.

 

 

 

John married a young Pim form Thailand whom he met during the R&R in Bangkok from Vietnam. Pim had 6 years of school and when they met she was a waitress and he was a Lieutenant in the US Army. They got married and came to the USA. He left the Army and finished his engineering degree after they were married for 2 years and one child. He obtained a job as an engineer with a big global company, which had lots of parties and the big bosses who loved to meet the employees? spouses. John took Pim, a few times and suddenly Pim was required to go to school so she went and obtained the ?GED?, took her 5 years. However, their relationship just got worse, lots of insults on her background, country, her body, and sexual capabilities (this man hit below the belt!). John was simply ashamed to take Pim to any company function, not even a picnic, she was not allowed to associate with any Thais, any Thai visited Pim, she had to leave before John got home.

 

 

 

Pim came from up-country in the middle area of Thailand, the family did not have money to send her to school, but she was brought up well, she spoke good, polite Thai and not bad English and she had good manners. Self confidence was eroded quickly, especially when he moved out, moved in with an American girlfriend and filed for a divorce. She was lucky to have 2 lovely children whose love helped her hang on, even though 2 suicides were attempted. The ugly divorce happened and in my opinion, Pim is much better off now even though her personalities changed drastically.

 

 

 

I worked for the same company as John's once, in different division and different town but I found some higher ups did judge an employee?s worth for higher positions by whom they are married to (a click, I guess). There is some truth what John faced in the company but things could have been worked out, what really got to me was the way Pim was treated, it was not her fault for the low education.

 

 

 

I do not care for, nor understand the classes in Thai society. I came from up-country of Thailand and my family is quite educated but we sure do not feel superior. I normally stay away from the Thai group for the first things they try to figure out are what social class people are from. I have a kick telling these people that I am from ?Ban Nog? (Up-country) and watching their faces for reaction. The people who do not care what class one is from are the ones are worthy of friendship, what do you think?

 

 

 

Sadly to say, Pim?s relationship is not the only one I know, circumstances may be different, a few men do regret marrying the Thai women. On the other side, I have met a few Thais who regret marrying the Western men/women. Why does life has to be so complicated?

 

Cheers!

 

 

[JJsushi]

However, the story below makes me hesitate to say that the beloved USA has no ?class? system.

 

[color:purple] I will say it for you Jasmine, "The USA does have a class system!", it is subtle and usually works in tandem with other social artifices. Usually, Westerners think of class social systems in the terms of European structures or the Indian caste system. America is the land of the free and opprtunity abounds we have no use for anachronistic social class systems! Yeah right and I have some swamp land in Chicago to sell you! The US system is just a derivative of the European system IMO just not as structured. color=purple>

[pattaya127]

"How can you fall in love with a girl who has stated her love for you after a few days of paid services. Get real, she doesn't love you."

 

 

 

This is a good reality check, and it does bear repeating every so often

 

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from what Oran told us about him, he does not go too much with Bgs, so how does he know they all say "i love you" after a few days. Many don't say it, and i believe that the farang is finding something in her, beyond these words. many guys act stupidly, no doubt, but i have stated many times, it's a case by case thing. I have known many girls working "at night", not one of them talks or acts the same as the others. I suggest we stop bringing the same sterotypes in order to say that a farang falling in love with a BG is a sucker. maybe, and maybe not.

[JJsushi]

o how does he know they all say "i love you" after a few days. Many don't say it, and i believe that the farang is finding something in her, beyond these words.

 

[color:purple] Now that you mention it, I really don't recall a BG saying that she loves a customer (and means it of course) after a few days. The ones I personally know are very careful with those words and very guarded with their true feelings. I have heard plenty of "I like you too much". The girls may care about you but even then that is not love. They usually look for some sort of commitment level or extensive bf/gf type of bonding. Then again those are only the ones I know. I think the majority of farang BG problems usually are the fault of the farang and his unrealistic expectations. Like I have said before most of these guys would never marry a farang chick after knowing her a month or two yet they are willing to tie the knot with a BG after the same duration. color=purple>

[pattaya127]

they are willing to tie the knot with a BG after the same duration.

 

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well, they would not call the place PARADISE if they did not.

 

I have never had anyone tell me i love you (i mean like Oran says it happens), even now, when i ask my GF, "do you love me?" she says "what do you think?". It drives me crazy

 

 

[Guest]

oran, i must say going back to your original post about the queue's outside the embassies for farangs and their 'girlfriends' all dressed up, platform shoes and all, now that does make me laugh... and the embassy staff i'm sure.

[Guest]

It maybe not the actual words "I love you" but the way these girl act towards their customers.

 

Specially for the first time tourist I can understand that he gets overwhelmed by all these beauties (at least in his eyes) around him, willing to take care of all his needs. He's probably never experienced anything quite like it, and just doesn't know how to handle it and himself in such an unusual situation.

 

Problem for many is that they think after only a short period that they've finally found their true love, whereas this is not mutual. He is blinded by her, and forgets to look around him and truly see that "his true and only love" is in fact everyones love.

 

 

 

As for the expatriate, it is often what a friend of me called "the frequency factor". Many come to Thailand with their foreign wife, but find it very difficult to stay faithfull. After a while they get too attached to one of them and I know many that got a divorce whilst here and married their BG-GF, or even their maid or caddy. Bangkok is a greta place to end your marriage I guess.

 

 

 

Several have asked questions how do I know so much about the BG-farang relations when I do not participate. In my 25 years or so in Bangkok, I've been in a position for several years during which I had to council (not exactly the right word, but close to it) thousands of farangs with their BG's. More often than not the couples coud barely communicate with each other, and I had to act as a translator.

 

 

 

I do actually quite often visit (average once a week) some of the farang oriented bars, and always talk with many of the BG's. More often than not their relationships with farangs is the subject, and they ask me for advice, assurance, or just talk about their many different customers and the sad, funny or nice experiences they have had. They tell me which of the other cutomers they consider Jai-Dee and which not.

 

I always buy them drinks (if they don't ask for it). They know that and in the bars that I frequent I'm quickly surrounded by 4 or 5 of them. When they go back home, they usually bring me some special food from their province. However they also know that I don't BF them.

 

 

 

Contrary to what many of you may think after reading some of my earlier posts, I do respect many of these BG's, and understand their chosen profession. I just don't like P4P and really don't need that either.

 

 

[thalenoi]

"Do you think getting the BG/wives away from the Bkk / Pattaya scene, and perhaps away from scrounging family members is an important key to these successful relationships?"

 

 

 

Yes, Yes and Yes.

 

 

 

Most of these girls realise to late they made a big mistake. It's easier to get into the game than to get out.

 

 

 

I just talked with her this morning about our last visit to a gogo, a dance contest held last november. Although I remember she enjoyed that night, she told me she hated that night and she was "acting" to be pleased, not to spoil that night for me.

 

 

 

She never worked in a gogo, talked a lot about her bar life in the first months together. Now when I mention that period in her life she asks me to change subject.

 

 

[Guest]

sad story.

 

my aunt worked all her life in the social services and came across more than a few stories like that, and many worse ones.

 

it seems to be rather common that farang husbands do not allow their wifes to socialise with fellow thais back in their homecountries. some might have a bit of justification as they might have reason not to trust their wifes, but then, why stay together anyhow? with most i guess it is pure paranoia, their wifes communicating in a language they do not understand.

 

i think a lot has to do with wrong expectations on both parts. farang might look very rich on their holidays but back home they are like everyone else, lots of hard work, saving every penny. and thai women are not really those submissive little beings attending to every little whim of their husbands/gods, have never any personal opinion. far from it, LOL!

 

 

 

i do speak thai rather fuent, i think that this is a must in a relationship like ours. i am the better educated, more traveled part in our relationship and i think it is my responsibility to understand her way of life first before i can help her to understand mine.

 

also, both of us prefer to live here in thailand, but have spent extensive time back in europe. my missus herself nowadays is very careful with thais she meets in europe. there were a few incidents where she was befriended by thais she met while shopping, only to hear from them how she could make money as a prostitute behind my back.

 

also, she was treated very arrogantly by upper class thais living there. seems that they try to distance themselves from anyone with a thick upcountry accent even more than inside thailand.

 

 

 

things are going a lot better now, since me and my missus have traveled to some very nice places in europe her selfconfidence rose remarkably. it is rather funny to see the envy of some of the richer folks here when they hear that my missus lived with me for more than a month in venice.

 

 

[shotover]

"She never worked in a gogo, talked a lot about her bar life in the first months together. Now when I mention that period in her life she asks me to change subject."

 

 

 

The beer bar girl I spent 2 weeks with on my last trip (I swore I wouldn't do that) deflected all my attempts to discuss bar life and business with me. I am a relatively newbie and very curious about the girls' lives and bar business aspects, and have had some very frank conversations in the past with other girls I had spent less time with.

 

 

 

However, this girl did not want to visit her bar or any other when we stayed together. She just wanted to sightsee, go to movies, play pool, karaoke (I hated that, but went along since she liked it so well), and walk through parks. It seemed like an escape to her.