sidsanuk Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Brief background. Getting married in 3-4 months to my NBG TG. Nice girl, nice family. Mother retired, brother and sister out of work. Father does not earn a great deal. We are living and will continue to live in Australia. Her family in BKK. My fiance is keen, in keeping with Thai culture, to send money home to the family. We have been sending a modest sum of 10-15,000 baht per month, which I can easily manage. My fiance is keen to get a job here, so that she does not have to rely on my money to support her family. My fiance is in BKK on holiday at the moment and we talk every night on the phone (thanks for the phone card tip). She is getting really pissed off with her family's constant discussions about finances and how short of money they are. She does not want to pry too much into her parents financial state, but they keep dropping hints about how Mum is retired now, and they have this loan to pay off, and that personal debt etc. Mum also raised topics such as Khun X down the soi has a Japanese husband who sends her X baht per month etc etc. To which my fiance replied, yes and how many send nothing at all! My fiance is getting quite pissed off with them all and told her Mother that if she wanted to talk about nothing else but money, she would fly straight back home to Oz. To help the family out of their problems, we will probably have to send them 25,000 baht per month. And maybe pay off the odd debt. I can afford this. But it will curtail our spending here on hols etc. I am planning worst case scenario, just in case my fiance cannot get a job here in Oz. If she gets a job, no problem. My question is really this. To what degree can my fiance reasonably push/negotiate with her family on how much we send them? Taking account of family/cultural issues. I have told her that we may need to take a tougher line with them, by limiting what we send. ie we can send you 15,000 baht per month and that's it folks. Sort your lives out! On the one hand, we do not want her family to be in financial difficulties, but on the other hand, we don't want them to become too reliant on us, to the extent that they don't help themselves enough. ie the out of work Brother (they all have them right) will stop even looking for a job. A tough one. Just wondered what experience other board members have had. Forget the actual amount of money involved and why they need it. It is more the principle of family support and what a 'good daughter' should do in these circumstances. Some views from our Thai board members would also be most appreciated. An old problem this one....I know. My fiance said to me on the phone tonight, something like "shit, I don't want to end up like all the other Thai girls married to farangs, where their husbands have to support the entire girls family. I want to save our money for US." Being cynical, I cannot help but think her Mother is starting to look upon her prospective son-in-law, as a means of financial security for the family. Probably does not help that my fiance goes shopping like a woman possesed every time she is back in BKK. Probably makes them all think we are loaded :-( Thanks Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walletss Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 " Forget the actual amount of money involved and why they need it. It is more the principle of family support and what a 'good daughter' should do in these circumstances." I know you said forget the money but I think the fact that you are sending them 15000 baht per month speaks volumes. They are getting this as a gift and many Thais still earn less than this a month. IMHO they should be more grateful. If they think all farangs are rich then that's their problem. Don't let yourself become a cash cow. Your relationship with your woman is based on love. Your future inlaws relationship with you is not based on love, just based on money. As far as I can see they seem to be more concerned with themselves than their daughters happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Quote: On the one hand, we do not want her family to be in financial difficulties..... It might sound a little bit cynical but you can send 100k a month and the financial problems still will exist just on an other level. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted December 28, 2002 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 walletss, Thanks for the advice. Just spoke to my fiance this evening. Seems her parents were reluctant for her to directly ask me to help them out. Did not make them feel comfortable. Shit, where did they think she was getting the money :-) Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted December 28, 2002 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 BKKFREAK "It might sound a little bit cynical but you can send 100k a month and the financial problems still will exist just on an other level." You have a good point :-) Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goodthaigirl Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 You're lucky to have a good fiancee who wishes to work and support her family herself. From what you told us she has been firmed to her stance. If the family happens to act up like that again. Please point them out that everybody should help thenselves first. Money doesn't grow on tree and you and your fiancee have to WORK too. You two are not happy to support an unemployed relative who is not willing to find work (if that's what it is). Set an amount you will send per month and stick to it. Any debt after that is their own responsibility. Happy New Year ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibblies Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Yep, if these money problems are so serious then why's the mother blithely retiring? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 "It might sound a little bit cynical but you can send 100k a month and the financial problems still will exist just on an other level." Pass one month , maybe after that 10 000/month feels better. Pretend that you are poor . If you send 100 00 thb/month, they will tell you that family next door gets 200 000 thb/month. It never ends if you let them charge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingaporeSteve Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Sidsanuk - I think you are being very generous with 15,000B month for the 'family'. I refused to provide anything to my TGF's family on the basis that they are working themselves as are her two brothers, albeit one has just lost his job. We do help out with specific 'projects' such as paying for extension to the house, new bathroom etc but my GF goes and supervisors it herself as she wants to ensure the money goes on that rather than something else. 15,000B is a lot of money anywhere outside of Bangkok and I would suggest that you advise them that you can no longer afford it and have to reduce it to 5,000B a month - that will at least bring home the fact that you are not an ATM that never runs out. Cant say my system is perfect but GF is happy with it and at least I feel comfortable that I am not funding a continual drinking habit for the family. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Hi, [color:"red"] Mum also raised topics such as Khun X down the soi has a Japanese husband who sends her X baht per month etc etc. To which my fiance replied, yes and how many send nothing at all! [/color] My mother hears these things all the time, she just laughs. Grant it my family is in no need of money to show off and no debts. My mother even was insulted once that with her daughter high education she got nothing for "milk money" when I got married. Many Thai families expect their children to help them out and some grown children have a hard time. Use your judgement, I would not make it as a habit. [color:"red"] I am planning worst case scenario, just in case my fiance cannot get a job here in Oz. If she gets a job, no problem. [/color] Many Thai women work on just any job because of the Thai family obligation. I was brought up to consider the family is the current immediate family. Ones help out the parents only when ones can. My income is considerred ours. Now, mind you, I do give my mother money for her medical expenses, just a way to show her that I care, the amount is very small, around my 2 days worth salary and I ususally give this amount around Thai New Year. [color:"red"]Probably does not help that my fiance goes shopping like a woman possesed every time she is back in BKK. Probably makes them all think we are loaded :-( [/color] Of course I am older, but how many clothes or things can one need? The bottom line is you have a woman who knows where she stands, you will work it out. Cheers1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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