Am I becoming just another ATM?

[Guest]

>> Hey guys, play nicely with each other.

 

Why are you posting this to me? ::

 

There is a lot of bullshit around about the Thai 'traditions'. If some people tries to justify their actions based on those 'bullshit Thai traditions' I don't have a problem. I can even compare this with the thing that sometimes is written at the board about not being able to 'understand' the Thais unless you speak Thai... bullshit once more, maybe somebody is interested creating that kind of environment, but total bullshit.

 

Let me put an example... the dowry. The dowry is NOT a Thai tradition it's something coming from chinese traditions and the dowry is supossed to go back to the couple converted into presents.

[Mentors]

Creative,

Bravo and an applause to you and your wife!

 

[Fatbastard]

Being cynical, I cannot help but think her Mother is starting to look upon her prospective son-in-law, as a means of financial security for the family.

---

Its not being cynical, its obvious that she regards you as a easy source of financial support.

This sort of thing is usually written off to " Fideal and or Thai cultural responsibility"

It endemic in all thai relationships, in business employees expect the same thing, The boss (partic if he's Farang) is expected to be an easy source of money for emergencies, wether that is car payment or other trivial event that needs sorting. The problem is that once you give in, its never enough. They will take on more financial burdens in the expectation that if they can't meet the payments all that needs to be done is tap your wallet. I'm afaid that you are in it for good, you throw more money at them each month and their expectations just esculate.

 

[MaiLuk]

She is getting really pissed off with her family's constant discussions about finances and how short of money they are. She does not want to pry too much into her parents financial state, but they keep dropping hints about how Mum is retired now, and they have this loan to pay off, and that personal debt etc.

 

Mum also raised topics such as Khun X down the soi has a Japanese husband who sends her X baht per month etc etc. To which my fiance replied, yes and how many send nothing at all!

 

My fiance is getting quite pissed off with them all and told her Mother that if she wanted to talk about nothing else but money, she would fly straight back home to Oz.

---

 

Mr Sid:

 

Don't know what to tell you about how to handle the money to the family issue.

 

I'm posting to point out that you should not underestimate the effect these exchanges between your fiance and her family are having on her. She is under tremendous pressure. She is taking a stand to protect you, and even if she is completely right, she is feeling very guilty about not living up to expectations.

 

Chok dii

 

MaiLuk

[sidsanuk]

GTG and others,

 

Thanks for the feedback. We have agreed to clear a small family debt then send the family 15k baht per month. And that's it.

 

My fiance was very pleased that we have agreed to this as it at least makes her feel 'that is she doing her duty' in helping the family. Once she gets a job here in Oz, she wants to take over paying the 15k baht per month herself.

 

Before getting into this relationship I had 'researched' Thai culture quite extensively :-) So I know the obligations to family etc and how important they are. Hopefully this will be the end of the matter :-)

 

At least the good news is........they don't have a water buffalo and the brother does not want a Tuk Tuk..........but.......Mum does go into Hospital off and on.....bugger !

 

Life continues to be interesting :-)

 

And as they say here in Oz, "You wouldn't be dead for quids" Don't ask me to translate...I am a 'new Australian'. Basically means one is very happy with ones lot :-)

 

Sid

[sidsanuk]

bibblies

 

"Yep, if these money problems are so serious then why's the mother blithely retiring? "

 

Not that simple mate........the Mother is actually quite sick and getting on in age.

 

Sid

[sidsanuk]

SingaporeSteve,

 

Your approach sounds very sensible. Guess this family has had a bit of a run of bad luck ie Mother not well and retired early, Brother losing 2 or 3 jobs on the run, behind on payments for the pickup, potential to lose family farm in the provinces due to debt etc etc.

 

At least with our approach...ie clear immediate debt and then monthly allowance...it ensures the family will not lose assets in the short term, and we can fel that we 'have done our duty'. I was keen to negotiate down the ongoing monthly allowance, which we have done.

 

Sid

[sidsanuk]

Jasmine,

 

Thanks for the point of view. Think I am getting a clearer perspective on it now. Maybe your family is 'better off' than my fiances, who actually struggle a bit.

 

In the back of my mind I know that we are obligated to help them. Yes, I say obligated because I am marrying into a Thai family where the kids are expected to help out. I don't have a problem with that.

 

But also, I see how they live when we visit, and how Dad does extra part time jobs to help make ends meet. And realising that there is no 'safety net' in Thailand does put things in a different light.

 

Sid

 

[sidsanuk]

Jasmine,

 

The reference to shopping was a bit tongue in cheek :-) She is actually very careful with money and a hard bargainer. Even trys it here in Sydney in the department stores LOL.

 

I just smile and say to the shop girls "don't worry it's a cultural thing....she has to try"

 

Sid

[sidsanuk]

 

"It can very well be that she needs a break, she could have worked hard all her life."

 

Spot on Jasmine. She is actually quite sick too .

 

Sid