jasmine Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Hi, [color:"red"] Yep, if these money problems are so serious then why's the mother blithely retiring? [/color] I can very well be that she needs a break, she could have worked hard all her life. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 I'm married with a Thai and since the first day I stated very clear to her that no money for the family. We moved to my country few time ago and no problems at all. All is up to you. If one day there is a reason why I must help anybody of her family I'll do, but it must be a real reason. Sending regularly money to the family is something that doesn't fit in my way of doing. I'm working hard for my money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gummigut Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 15K is a lot even inside BKK. People live and support a family easily on that amount. Problem is that Thais are not financially astute. Ask about where the family got the loan from. Is it from a bank or from the local "association" that charges astronomical amounts of interest. 10% per month if not more is common enough. If needs be, pay off the whole loan. Then just don't send them any money until the 15k/month covers your outlay. 15k is ALOT. If you don't think so, I got another address you can send a few K a month too Sounds like you have a good partner on your hands. Envious. Good luck to both of you! <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 The reaction of trying to force them to act responsibly by taking a hard line and setting limits is a natural one for us -- but not for them. You are facing an uphill battle my friend. If they are not already of a mind to take care of themselves, you are unlikely to change that and they will likely be resentful at your unwillingness to fork over the dough. Your fiancee is the key -- you mentioned that you hinted at the possibility of having to get tough. What was her reaction? If she wasn't 100% with you then the "uphill" in "uphill battle" just went from like a 25 degree slope to 89.9 degrees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 So basically you have made it clear that you will not help your wife fulfill her cultural and familial obligations. How nice for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardinalblue Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 This whole "marrying a family" thing has me spooked. Unfortinately, this so often is the case. While I can't blame them due to this cooperative nature of the family concept, it does reflects poorly on their lack of pride and dignity expectating the daughter's wealthier husband to bear the burden for their lack of education, poor fiscal management, irresponsible bahavior, lack of self-accountability or just bad luck. It really doesn't matter which one. I look and scrutinize the girl's thai family even much more than i do the girl as it can make your life pure hell. I will not become involved with a girl whose family is just shit. I hate letting this be part of the equation, but i have yet applied for 501©(3) non-profit organizational status........ The bottom line is you are not a walking atm or even a small bank. There is no payback loans, IOUs, liens or just appreciation shown. The more you give now, the more they will expect of you to give down the road. From personal experience, it is one thing today and two more things tomorrow. It will never end unless your relationship ends or the wife becomes an orphan. You really are nothing but a charitable organization without getting the benefits of one. Sorry for the bleakness, but this IS the biggest drawback in getting involved with a thai women........her family. cardinalblue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 >> So basically you have made it clear that you will not help your wife fulfill her cultural and familial obligations. If you want to see it that way... YES. I refuse to take care of a family that in the past sold the daughter, YES I DO. I also refuse to take care of the family who sent the other daughter to work to Pattaya when she was 12 years old, YES I DO. I also refuse to take care of the father of the family who lost the land gambling two months ago, YES I DO. Unfortunately for the one who 'won' the land the land was not on the father's name since he lost it about a year ago, therefore the daughter who was sent to Pattaya when she was 12 years old still owns the land since I paid for that when she lost it the previous time. >> How nice for you. Thanks. ------------------ If you want to take care of your wife's family, no problem, it's totally your business, but don't tell others what to do, even using the 'cultural obligation bullshit'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 You are totally out of order with that comment!!! What obligations, the type of obligation that prostitutes daughters eh. What a total crock. Familial obligations, best the mother gets off her ass and sells it than the daughter selling hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 We can extend your comment to dowries and more... Some people is naiive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickfarang Posted December 28, 2002 Report Share Posted December 28, 2002 Hey guys, play nicely with each other. This is the classic question, and the discussion is a terrific platform on which to view some crucial differences between some Asian and European cultures. Both cultures cultivate respect for parents, but unlike the European tradition, in which its the parent's job to prepare their children to go out into the world and take care of themselves, the Asian tradition tends more toward keeping the family together. Children are instilled with the understanding that they were born and are raised to grow up and take care of their parents, and their children will do likewise for them. In Thailand there is no formal government sponsored retirement or pension plan, and here children ARE the parent's social security. This is even more important in Isan where many families live at a subsistence level and they are lucky if they can store away a years' worth of rice, never mind money for retirement. As a result, Thai children, and daughters in particular, feel obligated to care for their parents and these minimum expectations need to be taken into account. With support from a comparatively rich in law, its is all too easy for families to get, for lack of a more appropriate term, greedy, and start to a increase the demands until high resistance is encountered. There are no hard and fast rules about family support. Each person's situation is unique. As a result, whether and how much to contribute to your spouse's family is a matter of how you want to manage the relationship. One thing I try to keep in mind, is that while the money is still in your hand, you have the control. Once its given out, its gone, but he act will be remembered (for better or worse) for a long time. None of us can really give advice to another as we are not in his (or her) shoes today. All we can do here is help each other think about the issue. I wish there was one pat answer, because I'd sure like to know it. RickF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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