WTF??

[Old Hippie]

O.k. so now I find myself in need of some tough love! Here's the deal, been seeing this girl (Univ. educated, good family, never worked in a bar [as far as I know]) for over 1 1/2 years. Met 2 of her sisters, passed muster with them, they all even took me out for my birthday! Oldest sister says"... look, your on the right path here, give it a little time, and you are in!..." Great, I'm winning her over! and no real bs so far! Been on a few over nighters out of town etc...

 

So 3 weeks ago we are talking about her coming to the USA for a visit, and she is up for it. We were also planning a few days in Hua Hin when I arrive in 2 weeks.

 

I call her up, and we get disconnected many many times, I figure cheap phone card, bad connection etc...

 

2 days after we were chatting about Hua Hin, she sends me the following email...

 

"...hi XXX ,

sorry last time i cant chat with you caus e my bf came to internet cafe so i have to go with him . sorry to hear about accident ,anyway i hope it will better now ,

 

ohhh you dont take chanmpang casue i m not sure i wil meet you or not cause now im staying with my boyfreind . and now we went many places to gether .

 

anyway i hope you will have a good time here

XXX..."

 

WHAT THE FUCK!!? You could have hit me in the face with a brick, it would have stunned me less! SO of course I call, thinking something is wrong, it is wrong alright! She keeps hanging up, I keep calling and trying chat on line, emails, SMS, etc... She MSNs me that her BF is very angry because I contact her, he says if he hears her speaking English, he will look for another woman. Finally I get through to her, ask what is going on? no real answer, but she is scared silly the guy will find out I am talking to her, can't get any real details.

 

Call back last night, and she tells me in very bizarre terms she now has a bf, and I am just a friend, and he doesn't believe her that I am just a friend, so they have been fighting for 2 days, because I call so much (which I wouldn't have done if she hadn't kept hanging up). She says he checks her phone, she has to leave it in the room when they go out, she cannot go out with out him, however he goes out without her she must stay in the room, he reads all her emails, she had to deleate many friends etc... I put away my personnal pissed offness, and try to be a protector, my true nature, I tell her to leave the guy, he is no good, and she will have many problems with a guy like this...She says, "...I think he is comming, maybe soon not have this phone, I cannot send email, I don't know I can see you, I not forget you...!" and hangs up.

 

I had one of my friends in BKK get his wife to call her and see what is up, seems she wants this guy, and I am just a friend. I had figured she may have fallen into a desparate situation, and had to stay with this guy for support (the family is quite pissed with her). So naturally I wanted to help if it was needed. Apparently, she is happy with this guy, if they can just stop fighting because of me. So I was asked to not call, however she did say she would see me if she could WTF!? All so bizzare, last one I would have expected it from!

 

No idea why she would stay with a nasty controlling asshole like this, but, I have seen it happen so many times, the girl always gets "ruined" in the end. Pregnant, infected, used, beat up etc, will probably happen here as well.

 

In any event, I am tempted to call in BKK, Just to keep the fight going, hopefully break them up, petty I know, but I am pissed! And hell hath no fury like a Hippie pissed off! I realize I should let this go, but I also feel like "no more Mr. Nice Guy" and want to upset this further. I realize she will not come running to me, in fact I am sure she will not come my way at all unless it is with a weapon of some sort, blaming me for everything. But I feel it is for her own good, at least till the next bad choice comes along...sometimes you just gotta be a dick!

 

:onfire:

[Guest]

Sorry to hear about your situation mate. But welcome to the Thai dating reality survivor show.

 

IMO she has been pretty straight with you, She just wants you as a 'friend'.....and that means NOT boyfriend. They are, by the definitions I have experienced, mutually exclusive of one another.

 

No matter if she is being abused, misused, or treated like dirt. It's her BF that is doing it so it's OK by her. You, on the other hand are only a friend, although you may see other potentials that she does not.

 

Unless you were willing to fly over, stay forever and devote yourself entirely to her, that's the way it's going to be. And if you were so besotted, no doubt you have enough friends here who would kidnap you to ST hotel and continue put enough alcohol and puntang through you to bring you back to reality.

 

Sorry OH, but this one ain't going to work out the way you want. IMO. Best go to plans g thru w. Don't let it gnaw away at you. Get drunk, fall down, get drunk again and get on with the next one. Maybe not the sanest advice, but it works for me.

 

As the fly on the toilet seat said, " 'tis better to be pissed off, than to be pissed on."

 

Take care of yourself OH, no one will. (now that's tough love.)

[rovineye]

OH! Do a search on your own advice on such affairs of the heart.

 

No good for you can come from this. Just friends? I don't think so. As you say, you were winning you over. Why blame the guy? He is basically right! She is the one being a bit dodgy. How would you react in his place?

 

OK, say you do try to drive them apart. They will be right back together having make-up sex. We all know how that is!

 

You will loose face with all her family and your aquantances in the know of the events.

 

Don't burn those bridges. Those contacts could set you up with another NBG who may be a real find.

 

By not moving on you are only going to aggravate yourself as well. You would not be proud of it in the end anyway if you did push this issue. You have NOTHING to gain at this point.

[pattaya127]

Well, I am your friend too, and yes, i talk/write too much, you know that, so i will write again: she is telling it as it is: she has a BF and you have always been a friend to her.

 

IMO, you breaking them up, or trying to, will have no positive outcome for you in terms of her falling in love with you. Not the way it works...

Relax, the right one will come along, she was not, and feel lucky it's only your wishes that are frustrated, not your life fucked up as the relationship was always platonic and full of interrogations for you. I also do not think she led you on at all, so why be revengeful (which it is, rather than protective). Let her decide her life as she wishes.

 

Now, as you go on with your life, if you do nothing, it's your best chance to have her back, if she ever drops the guy. Don't torture yourself, until now, you have not done anything wrong. keep it that way. Just be accessible to her, that's all.

 

Otherwise, she has 2 guys driving her crazy, so let him do his worse, maybe, and stay cool, mature, it might bear fruits. Trust me on that...

Uncle127

[Khun_Kong]

Sorry to hear that, OH. I hate to hear about those "out of the blue" shockers. Always makes me question what I think is the reality in my own life.

 

Glad to hear that you're moving through the stages of grief so quickly: shock, disbelief, now already at anger. Good for you!

 

RE your temptation to call: sounds like you've been around the block enough times to know what the right course of action - or non action - should be.

 

 

 

[Guest]

>>>No idea why she would stay with a nasty controlling asshole like this, but, I have seen it happen so many times, the girl always gets "ruined" in the end. Pregnant, infected, used, beat up etc, will probably happen here as well.<<<

 

 

please don't take it personal, but if you try to break it up you will be the arsehole - nobody else. i understand that you are hurt and all that, but you gotta accept that they have a relationship.

whatever happened or not, she might have led you on, but she has told you that she has a boyfriend. i don't see it that he is a controlling arsehole, how would you react if you had a girlfriend and someone from her past is trying to break up your relationship?

 

 

[khwaimaisabai]

Says flyonzewall:

---

..... how would you react if you had a girlfriend and someone from her past is trying to break up your relationship?

---

Hi fly,

I, and probably others have experienced this. For what it's worth, OH should just walk away, imho. Long distance relationships are always difficult and uncertain.

Also, from a different angle, getting into aggravation with a Thai guy is a recipe for serious trouble.

Just my two cents worth.

Khwai

[johnnyk]

He is in, you are out. he is there, you are not. Next.

[Old Hippie]

"...as the relationship was always platonic..."

 

A bit more than that, you caught it on a bad night. ANd there was as recently as a few days ago, leading me to believe it was moving far more serious then only friends.

 

"...i don't see it that he is a controlling arsehole, how would you react if you had a girlfriend and someone from her past is trying to break up your relationship?.."

 

Well, he won't let her out without him, he reads all her emails, won't let her chat with any friends, checks her phone calls and gets pissed if she is speaking English on the phone (He is a farang, not sure where from), she can't take her phone out of the room, and he said he will take her phone away. I think this a bit controlling/domineering. Such behavior is unacceptable. Though I do realize it is her choice. Just don't want to see her stuck in a bad situation.

 

As for my role in this, I called innocently as I have every week (sometimes a few times a week), and in a day or 2 before all this, was always disconnected, I thought it was a phone problem, so I called back several times. I only learned of this guy Monday night.

 

The 2 times I talked to her since, he wasn't there, and she sounded terrified and sad, so I worried. I wouldn't say my calls were intended to be invasive, or an attempt to break them up at all. Simply, I just couldn't get through. However, as I am now pissed, that may change. I have had Girlfriends before who kept in touch with old boyfriends, and ex-husbands, didn't really bother me. As we had an intimate relationship and it looked like it was headed serious (we were discussing her coming to the USA), I feel I am entitled to a few answers.

 

Realize I may not have articulated some of this earlier, sorry. Also sorry for the redundancies...

 

 

[Guest]

i get what you are saying, and i do understand your reaction. i guess i would feel very similar.

but then, if i would be that boyfriend of hers, i would also be not happy when a guy calls up who recently had sex with her.

don't forget, there are always several sides to a story - she might very well have been playing all sides, wagering the options.

generally, thai women are not the little fragile things, and i doubt that some guy can control her without her consent for long.

not much you can do from where you are, especially if you have not completely committed yourself to her. that guy might have?

 

anyhow, i would not pursue it any further. a women who does that will very possibly do it again.

or you should come here, and take it up with the guy yourself if you think she is worth it.

or beat the crap out of the guy for dissing you, and giving her the boot for the same reason.

or just let it go as one of live's lessons, be happy that she turned out that way before there was any serious commitment.