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A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down and a lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."

 

Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up to him and said, "Your fly is open."

 

He zipped up and finished his shopping.

 

At the checkout he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door".

 

He was planning to have a bit of fun with her, so when he raeched the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?"

 

The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags."

 

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A stable lad is called by the Stable Owner and informed that a vet shall be visiting to assess the condition of some horses.

 

The owner cautions the young man before closing the call, making him aware that the vet is a dwarf and has a speech impediment

 

Sure enough the vet arrives and s greeted warmly by the stable lad.

 

â??Can I â??thee the horthes?â? asks the vet

 

The lad says â??sure which horses specifically?â?Â

 

â??The female horthesâ? comes the reply

 

the lad takes the vet over to the mares and opens the first stall

 

â??Can I take a look at her eythes?â? asks the vet

 

The stable lad steps toward the vet and hoists him up high enough to peer in to the horses eyes..

 

"Good" says the vet.. â??Now can I thee her twot?â?Â

 

The lad thinks this is a little strange but lifts the vet up regardless and squeezes his head between the mares hind legs..

 

After a few moments he lowers the vet and waits for the verdict..

 

â??Yesâ?¦ â? says the vet, â??Perhaps I should wephwase that.. Id like to watch the horth wun awound a bit!â?Â

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It was midnight on a dark and stormy night.

 

A Paedophile and a little girl were walking into a dark forest.

 

Suddenly their was a crash of lightning. The little girl squeezed his hand tightly and said "It's scarey out here!"

 

The Paedophile replied......"I know. And I gotta walk back alone" :shocked:

 

 

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It was midnight on a dark and stormy night.

 

A Paedophile and a little girl were walking into a dark forest.

 

Suddenly their was a crash of lightning. The little girl squeezed his hand tightly and said "It's scarey out here!"

 

The Paedophile replied......"I know. And I gotta walk back alone" :shocked:

 

 

:down::down: This one is absolutely NOT funny!!!! :down::down::down:

 

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A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she

accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his

pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the

blonde "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny? "Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every

window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting

really mad so he gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck

and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns

around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde

She replied, "Everytime you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

 

 

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A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot.

It wouldn't be as much work as a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.

She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large

beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so

little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that

this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says

some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have

the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her

living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then

thought "that's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the

bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then

began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Phil, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Phil!"

 

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A boy and girl have just had a date and in a gentlemanly fashion, the guy walks the girl home and they kiss goodnight. He then leans against the door and starts pestering his girlfriend for a blow job.

"just a quick one, everyone's in bed"

The girlfriend just doesn't feel it's the right thing to do at this early stage of the relationship and so the arguing goes back and forth.

After ten minutes a light comes on and the front door opens. It's the girl's 7-year old sister.

" Sis, either give him a blow job, or I'll give him a blow job, or Dad will come down and give him a blow job - but tell him to take his hand off the fuckin' intercom"

 

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here is a classic blond joke...(need to open link for punch line)

 

Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer. A

blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. They

all looked at each other, and the Mechanic asked, "What is a

seven-hundred-ten?"

 

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of

the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been

there."

 

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and

asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a

circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her

over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is

there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, " Of course,

it's right there."

 

blond joke

 

 

 

 

Edited by Guest

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