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A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed.


They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.


On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil.


He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.


However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.


While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to1603 Mockingbird Lane?"


The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.


I would walk you home but I can't carry all this stuff."


The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"


"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.


On the way he said "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."


The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in

the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?"


The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up

against the wall and do that?"


The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens !!!


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Not sure what's worse.........the grammer or the joke. :shakehead


i advise' date=' it's my grammer :(:dunno: because

i fallen under the table with laughter when i heard this joke last weekend.

hmh, not shure, did i about the joke or the beer? :hmmm: [/quote']


WTF??? :confused:

C'mon Mentors!! Get it together!!


You speak English or not?? :crazy:



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A contractor dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the Angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.


Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over,apologizes for not greeting him personally at the pearly gates, shakes his hand and says 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!


Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the contractor sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.'


'Congratulations for what?' says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. 'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!'


The contractor is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.'


'That's simply impossible son,' says Saint Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'


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A lot of folks can't understand how the US came to have an oil shortage. Well, there's a very simple answer.


Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.


Our OIL is located in:


- Alaska


- California


- Coastal Florida


- Coastal Louisiana


- Kansas


- Oklahoma


- Pennsylvania


- and Texas.


Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington,DC. :(




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Munchie went to a fancy dress party just in his pants no shirt etc. The host asked didnt you want to dress up? I did replied Munchie. What are you then asked the host? Im a premature ejaculation beamed Munchie. I dont get it said the host.


I just came in my pants replied Munchie!

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A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.


The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically that his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.


When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.


"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."


"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.


The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."


"Oh Fuck!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"


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