jasmine Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 [color:"red"] This issue is not related to BG's in particular, but IMO if you deny your ex-BG partner to much in her effort to help her family, she could very well revert to her old profession when you're not around to achieve her objective. sushi [/color] Seen it done in Germany and the husbands never knew any better. I met 2 of the husbands and they were unreasonably tight!!! After a few yeaqrs, though the separation occurred and I heard from one of the women but she did NOT revert to her old profession either. She actually owns a food stall and is happy with a local Thai husband, I was glad for her. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 [color:"red"] If I was in a position to provide some money, I would, but only a limited amount. They are not poor and besides, I really do not believe in the notion of handouts, either giving or receiving. [/color] My mother is neither rich nor poor, however, I give her some spending money which she spends on temples and other donation. My logic is that, my mother has raised me well and being old and widow, she does worry about the money for she does not know whether she is going to outlast the savings. I give her an extra simply so she can get what she wants, the amount is very small around $300/ year which I make that in a day here in the USA. Believe me, I end up with her jewelry/gold for she does not want any money from us. My brother who works in Thailand with growing kids gives her nothing, just taking care of her in other ways. I do NOT give money to any relatives, and you are right, that some of them just want free money. Parents are differrent, especially ones like mine. To give to parents have been believed as a "merit" not a handout. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 [color:"red"] So, my wife asked the girl (after asking me first if I was okay with it) if she would like to come live with us in BKK and learn to be a hairdresser. The girl agreed and my wife is now paying for her education. [/color] Like you and your wife, I believe giving education is the best . I have done it and will continue to do so even though I got a couple of heartbreaks. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 If someone fell ill, I would likely be the last person asked to contribute as fortunately the family members all have both assets and reasonably sized bank accounts, again, by Thai standards. ----------------------------- I am confused. You say they are not rich, did you mean not filthy rich, because this last excerpt sounds pretty good to me. one has to be careful in family matters. A good knowledge of thai and what are their assets is necessary, because I believe even as they could afford to take a debt on unforseen event (like hospitalization), having collaterals, the good hearted farang might prove a safer option (for them). Not linking this remark to your personal case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 >the amount is very small around $300/ year which I make that in a day here in the USA. Geez, it's 1/5th of what I'll be making in Japan (the figure not accurate)... What does it eat out off of my life then? On the other side, the price of my gf/wife's sense of fullfilling her (real or percieved) duties can not be expressed in numbers. She's got the same feelings as you, although her family did not do much for her (they could not afford, did not know....). As I am typing this, an approval to fly business class to NRT came in. The diff between economy and biz is 1500US$. How the hell could I deny her that little support for her family? The moment of honesty: I'm even leading the way what her family may need and when. Some items she crossed off, some rearanged in their timings but she sees I am thinking of them and taking them seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rovineye Posted August 27, 2003 Report Share Posted August 27, 2003 I have had some strange experiences with my long time GF on this subject. GF has a house in Chiang Mai and mother lives in the sticks. GF does not send mama money regularly as she has none to spare. One time I gave a few thousand baht to mama. It was not asked for. But the money was passed along to youngest daughter staying in Chaing Mai attending school. A lazy lay about doing poorly in school and only wants to party. She could live for free with GF, but wants to live in town where the action is. I would never have given her money. My GF was upset about this, but I told her I gave money to mama and she can do as she wants with it. If we marry, and I expect we will, I will buy mama a house on her land, which GF says will only cost 120K baht. I will be happy to do that. TWo years ago GFs older brother was caught bringing Burmese workers across the border to his farm to harvest. No money for defense or fine. Is now in jail in BKK. I was never asked to help with this and all seem to treat it fairly casually. I am not sure how long his sentence is, nor his past history. I was expecting to be asked to help pay for lawyers, bail, fines. But nothing! Only bus ticket once fo GF to visit him. I offered to pay for GFs oldest daughters University. Flat out refused by GF. Says she can go to "school cut hair" instead, as that is what most graduates do after university anyway when they can not get a job. I imagine I will pay for this when I visit in Dec. I sent money to GF for her #2 daughter to go to english language school. rather expensive, as it was a lifetime tuition type thing. 18K baht. I sent the money but later was told the price had ridden to 21K baht . Asked GF if I should send the difference. She said no, because she did not have enough to pay the difference either so she spent the money on trees for the garden. This is my favorite. We discussed getting married and her and children moving to USA. Her very nice new (and paid for) house in Chiang Mai would be watched over by her brother for 5 years until I retire. So he gets to live there with his family rent free for 5 years. GF says when we return we must buy him a house in the area in compensation, for 200K baht. Compensation for living rent free in a beautiful house? So I just really never know what is going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2003 Report Share Posted August 28, 2003 KS, This is a good thing to do. However, did you consider sending the niece to school to complete at least Mor6 and then perhaps on to further education. Hairdressing is nice, but high school completed gives her some more options in life. Just a thought. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2003 Report Share Posted August 28, 2003 Seems she was playing you with the right suggestions (options that you'd porbably go for), without any real intention to follow up on those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 28, 2003 Report Share Posted August 28, 2003 Stick, I don't know you nor your wife, but is seems that you've married into a family that is on a similar or higher income level than you. More often than not this is not the case. Of course if you're the poor man out, others should help you when needed. When an emergency arises in a family, IMO help offered should be somewhat related to income level. One can hardly expect a familymember who earnes a few 1000 a month to help out in the same way as someone who earnes 10 or 100 times that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted August 28, 2003 Report Share Posted August 28, 2003 I sent money to GF for her #2 daughter to go to english language school. rather expensive, as it was a lifetime tuition type thing. 18K baht. I sent the money but later was told the price had ridden to 21K baht . Asked GF if I should send the difference. She said no, because she did not have enough to pay the difference either so she spent the money on trees for the garden. Hi, I did the same thing with my ex Mp GF, Sent the money...called and asked how she was getting on in the school....Oh school no good. Um..and the money.....i buy motor bike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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